AITA for Giving Dating Advice to a Friend, Then Asking Their Crush Out?

Some people don’t recognize a favor, and this friend group just watched one of them happen in real time. OP was the steady “you’ve got this” voice for Sarah while Sarah’s work crush, Alex, sat there being everyone’s fantasy and nobody’s boyfriend.

Here’s the messy part: OP didn’t just hear the crush updates, she actively gave Sarah tips and encouragement on how to approach Alex. Then, while Sarah was gathering courage, OP ran into Alex at a coffee shop and the connection hit hard. Before anyone could catch their breath, OP asked Alex out, and he said yes.

Now Sarah feels betrayed, the group is split, and the question is whether love can happen without it looking like sabotage.

Original Post

So I'm (29F) in a close friend group where we often discuss our crushes and dating lives. Recently, my friend Sarah (27F) has been crushing hard on Alex (30M) from work.

She asked me for advice on how to approach him, and I gave her tips and encouragement because that's what friends do, right? Well, as Sarah was gathering courage to ask Alex out, I found myself developing feelings for him too.

One day, I saw Alex at a coffee shop, we chatted, and things clicked between us. I really felt a connection and sparks flew.

The dilemma hit me hard - do I choose friendship or love? I decided to go for it and asked Alex out.

To my surprise, he said yes. Cut to a week later, Sarah found out and was devastated.

She feels betrayed and hurt that I would do this after helping her with dating advice. She accused me of being disloyal and sneaky.

I tried to explain that my feelings developed unexpectedly, but she feels like I stabbed her in the back. The whole friend group is now divided - some think I'm selfish, others understand that love is unpredictable.

I feel guilty for hurting Sarah, but also happy to have found someone special. So AITA?

This scenario highlights the delicate balance between friendship and romantic interest. When the OP offered dating advice to Sarah about Alex, they likely felt like a supportive friend. But as soon as they developed feelings for him, that role shifted dramatically. It’s one thing to help a friend pursue someone; it’s another to then pursue that same person yourself. This contradiction is what makes the situation so contentious.

Many readers can relate to the emotional turmoil of wanting to support a friend while grappling with their own feelings. The OP’s actions create a potential rift in their friendship with Sarah, bringing into question whether loyalty can coexist with romantic desire.

Comment from u/CatLady42

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Comment from u/travel_bug_007

OP was hyping Sarah up to make her move on Alex, but the coffee shop meetup is where everything quietly flipped.

The Community's Divided Response

The debate in the comments section reveals just how polarizing this situation is. Some readers argue that the OP crossed a line by asking out Alex after initially giving Sarah advice. They see this as a betrayal, suggesting that friend dynamics should prioritize loyalty over romantic interests.

On the flip side, others believe that it’s natural for feelings to change and that the OP shouldn’t be vilified for following their heart. This division reflects broader societal views on dating and friendship, raising questions about whether the OP's feelings invalidate their role as a supportive friend.

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Comment from u/MarvelFanatic99

Sarah thought she was building confidence, meanwhile OP was accidentally catching feelings for the same guy she helped her friend pursue.

It’s a lot like the AITA post where someone couldn’t stay quiet about their friend’s crush, and the whole group turned tense.

Romantic Dilemmas in Modern Friendships

This story strikes a chord because it encapsulates a common dilemma in modern friendships. With social circles often overlapping in dating scenarios, it’s easy for romantic feelings to complicate what was once a straightforward friendship. The OP's situation demonstrates how quickly things can become messy when emotions are involved.

What’s intriguing is how the OP's initial willingness to help Sarah contrasts sharply with their subsequent actions. This shift illustrates the unpredictability of attraction and raises questions about when it's acceptable to act on personal feelings, even at the potential expense of a friend's happiness.

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After Alex said yes to OP, Sarah didn’t just feel jealous, she felt lied to by the timing and the switch.

The Complications of Conflicted Loyalties

At the heart of this story is the moral gray area of conflicting loyalties. The OP’s decision to ask out Alex after giving Sarah advice doesn’t just challenge friendship norms; it forces all involved to confront their expectations of loyalty. Sarah may have trusted the OP to support her romantic pursuits, while the OP might feel justified in their actions based on genuine feelings for Alex.

This situation isn’t just about romance; it’s about trust and communication. It raises essential questions: Can you be there for a friend while also honoring your feelings? And how do you navigate these waters without damaging important relationships?

Comment from u/SunshineSurfer666

With the friend group divided, every conversation about Alex turns into a debate about loyalty, not romance.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

The Takeaway

This story serves as a reminder that love and friendship often exist in a complicated dance where boundaries can blur. The OP’s choice to pursue Alex creates tension not only between them and Sarah but also within their own sense of self. Readers might wonder: is it ever okay to prioritize personal feelings over a friend’s interests, or does that inevitably lead to heartbreak? This dilemma is a common theme in many friendships, showing that navigating the heart is rarely straightforward.

What It Comes Down To

In this situation, the 29-year-old woman found herself caught in a classic conflict of loyalty versus personal desire. After initially supporting her friend Sarah in her pursuit of Alex, her unexpected feelings for him shifted the dynamic entirely. The spontaneity of their connection at the coffee shop likely intensified her emotions, leading her to prioritize her own romantic interests over the friendship. This decision not only stirred feelings of betrayal in Sarah but also underscored the messy reality of overlapping social circles where love can quickly complicate longstanding friendships.

Sarah may never get over the timing, and OP is stuck wondering if love is worth breaking the group.

Wondering if Alex should have stayed out of Sarah’s crush drama at work? Read what this coworker confessed after revealing a secret crush did to their friendship.