AITA for leaving with my newborn to my mom's place after my husband and his mom didn't save me dinner?

A 34-year-old mom left her newborn and her husband behind, and it all started with something that should have been simple: dinner. She was six weeks postpartum, barely sleeping, and doing the nonstop baby work while her husband’s mom set up shop in their living room.

Things were already tense because the mother-in-law wasn’t really helping with the baby, she was inviting friends over and turning their home into her hangout. Then one night, while the OP was nursing their son, she came out expecting food had been saved for her. Instead, her husband and his mom were watching TV, and the mother-in-law loudly announced she didn’t save her any dinner because she didn’t “see” her at the table.

So OP packed up and went to her mom’s place, and now her husband is calling her “crazy” for leaving.

Original Post

I'm a 34-year-old woman. I had a baby boy six weeks ago.

My husband's mom moved into our living room right after. She keeps inviting friends over and messing up the house.

I didn't say anything because I was afraid my husband would get mad.

He said his mom was here to help, so I just ignored her and looked after my baby.

I do all the baby stuff: feeding, changing diapers, and cleaning him.

I sleep very little, so my husband's mom isn't really helping with the baby.

But I thought, "At least she's cooking for us." One night, I was in the bedroom nursing my son. I knew I was late for dinner.

However, I thought they had saved food for me. When I finished feeding my son, I came out.

My husband and his mom were watching TV. I asked about dinner.

My husband said it was "maybe" in the kitchen. As I walked to the kitchen, his mom said loudly that she didn't save me any food.

I was shocked. I asked her why.

She said, "I didn't see you at the table, so I thought you weren't hungry." I got mad and yelled that I was feeding our son.

Of course, I was hungry. I was starving!

She shrugged and said it wasn't her fault I didn't "show up for dinner."

She knew I was with my son and hadn't eaten in hours. My husband told me not to yell at his mom.

I said he saw this happen and didn't think about me being hungry. He got mad.

He asked me what I wanted him to do. I said, "Maybe save some food for me?" His mom defended him.

She said it was selfish of me to yell at him for eating his dinner after a long day at work. We argued.

I packed a bag for me and my son. I called my brother to take me to my mom's house.

My husband got mad and said I was being childish.

I said I couldn't deal with his mom anymore. He said I should be ashamed for talking like that about his mom.

She paused her life to help me. My brother came, and I left.

We picked up some food on the way, and I ate a lot.

My husband kept calling. He last texted that I was "crazy" and that I should come back.

But I told him I missed my mom. I like her clean house and healthy food.

I want to stay for a while. Now he's mad.

He told his family that I'm keeping his son from him, all because of the "food" issue.

**Edit: Some people think I'm keeping my husband from his son. He can see him anytime.

But he doesn't want to be in the same room with my mom. I don't know how long I'll stay here.

But I'm happy. My family is taking good care of me.

My husband can visit his son at my mom's house, but he won't.

He's too proud.** **Another thing to clarify: My husband is a cop. That's what I meant by "work."

Sorry if that was confusing.** **Edit: I felt bad for him. I sent pictures of our son sleeping.

He sent a long text. He said I was rubbing it in his face.

He even called me a bad word. I was trying to be nice.

I'll get more of my stuff tomorrow. I need more time to think about everything.** **Edit: He just sent me a picture of him and his mom cooking dinner.

He said they were not including me this time. I don't even know what to say.

I'm angry. I'll get more of our things tomorrow.

I'll stay at my mom's house longer.** **Edit: He sent another text. He'll come over if my mom leaves her house for two hours.

He wants to see his son and "talk." I won't make my mom leave her own house.

That's crazy. I'll see how it goes in the morning.**

The Power of Perceived Support

The feelings of neglect expressed by the woman can be understood through the lens of perceived social support.

Comment from u/yeznag

Comment from u/mdthomas

That dinner moment hits extra hard, because OP was stuck nursing for hours while his mom lounged in the living room with friends.

From a behavioral perspective, the husband and mother-in-law's actions could be seen as unintentional neglect.

Comment from u/BoomButton

Comment from u/Denverdogmama

Postpartum women are particularly vulnerable to feelings of neglect and its psychological consequences.

Comment from u/[deleted]

Comment from u/moonmama95

When OP asked about dinner, the “maybe” answer turned into a public dunk from the mother-in-law, who said she assumed OP wasn’t hungry.

Effective communication could be a key solution to this issue.

This also echoes the research assistant caught between a blind boss and the PhD ghostwriting ethics.

Ethical Dilemma: Should I Ghostwrite My Bosss PhD?

Comment from u/Sea-Ad9057

Comment from u/Jennergirl

Open dialogues about individual needs and feelings are crucial; therefore, immediate steps include discussing these topics openly today. Scheduling regular check-ins can be an effective way to address feelings, clarify expectations, and ensure everyone feels heard and valued.

In the short term, family members can attend a workshop on effective communication within one to two weeks. Such workshops often provide valuable tools and techniques that can significantly enhance interactions among family members. Meanwhile, longer-term strategies might involve engaging in family therapy, which can promote deeper understanding and support over the next few months. This ongoing commitment to improving communication will not only help resolve current issues but also strengthen familial bonds for the future.

Comment from u/ed_lv

Comment from u/tatasz

The argument escalated fast once OP pointed out she was literally feeding their baby, and her husband told her not to yell at his mom.

Lastly, the husband's role in mediating the situation is vital.

Comment from u/Suitable-Cod-1381

Comment from u/CakeEatingRabbit

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

Comment from u/HotelLow7065

Comment from u/AmazingAmy95

Comment from u/IanDOsmond

Comment from u/Craftyhobby

Comment from u/Bright_Sea_7567

After OP packed her bag, called her brother, and left with her newborn to her mom’s house, the only thing left for her husband to do was keep texting “crazy.”

This situation underscores the critical need for genuine support and understanding within family dynamics, especially in the postpartum period. The woman's experience reveals how neglect from her husband and mother-in-law, particularly during such a vulnerable time, can lead to feelings of isolation and distress. It is vital for family members to recognize and respond to the emotional and physical demands placed on new mothers. The lack of communication and empathy demonstrated by the husband, who seemed unaware of his wife's struggles, can exacerbate feelings of neglect. This scenario serves as a reminder that awareness and proactive support are essential to fostering a nurturing environment for new parents. The emotional toll on the woman illustrates the potential mental health implications that arise when these needs are overlooked. Such experiences highlight the necessity for increased dialogue and understanding around the challenges faced by new mothers, paving the way for better family support systems.

The family dinner did not end well, and OP is done waiting around to be treated like an afterthought.

Before you judge the husband for not saving dinner, read how one woman weighed canceling a trip over a surprise cat vet bill.

Should I Cancel a Trip to Cover an Unexpected Vet Bill for Our Cat?