AITA for making my son leave after he spent his college fund?

Some families save for college like it is a sacred promise, then reality kicks the door in. In this Reddit story, a couple, Anne and her husband, thought they were doing everything right for their two kids, Tim and Lisa. They had $106k saved, split it cleanly, and believed they were setting them up for success.

Here is where it gets messy: Tim chose the pricier school, drained his $53k, refused to take out loans, and kept asking for more. When the pandemic hit, he moved back home to save money, then reportedly spent his earnings on Amazon, video games, and clothes. His boss even fired him after he started smoking weed and gaming all day, and unemployment still was not enough to fix the college gap.

Now the parents are arguing with a grown kid who claims they trapped him, and the family dinner did not end well.

Original Post

My wife, Anne, and I started saving money for our kids' future a long time ago. We didn't realize how pricey college could get.

By the time our kids were ready for college, we had $106k saved. Our son, Tim, was going to college first.

We told both our kids they would get $53k each. They could use it for college or take it out when they turned 21.

But, that was all the money they would get from us. This cash would cover almost all of the cost at our local state university.

If they wanted to go to a more costly school, they had to pay for it. Our daughter, Lisa, went to the local university and lived at home.

She got a business degree and almost no debt. Tim decided to go to a more costly school.

The tuition there was $27k a year. We tried to change his mind, but he didn't listen.

We warned him he would have to pay his own way. After 2 years, Tim ran out of money.

He wanted to change his major, which meant another year in school. He asked us for money but we said no.

He used up his education fund. He didn't want to take out loans, so he started working.

Then the pandemic hit. We let him move back home to save money.

But he spent all his earnings on Amazon. Even when he got a better job, he spent his money on video games and clothes.

He never saved any money. Four years later, Tim hadn't saved any money.

Lisa was now making a lot of money, which made him feel bad. Tim started smoking w**d and playing video games all day.

His boss noticed and let him go. He got unemployment money, but it wasn't enough to save for college.

He asked us for money again. We reminded him that he chose the costly school.

He said he didn't understand what that meant when he was 18. He blamed us for letting him choose.

We tried to talk him out of it, but he didn't listen. We couldn't make him go to the cheaper school.

We said he should take out loans, but he wanted us to pay for his school. We had many fights over this.

Tim thinks we treated him unfairly. He parties late, makes noise at night, and won't help around the house.

He lives with us for free. We had no choice but to tell him to move out.

He left last week to live with friends. He got mad at us and said we would never be part of his life.

Anne wants to pay for his schooling so he doesn't fail in life.

Impulsive spending among young adults is a pressing issue highlighted in this family's situation. The significant sum of $106k initially meant for education underscores a critical lapse in financial foresight. The essence of this story revolves around the son's choice to spend his college fund without considering the long-term implications. This behavior often stems from a limited understanding of how financial decisions can impact future opportunities. The stark contrast between the son's actions and his sister's prudent choice to invest in a local university illustrates the varying degrees of financial maturity among young adults. Such impulsive decisions can lead to immediate gratification but may ultimately hinder one's ability to reach important life milestones, such as further education or reliable transportation. This scenario serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of instilling financial literacy and strategic planning in young adults to avert potential pitfalls in their financial journeys.

Comment from u/Think-Level-2029

Comment from u/iaincaradoc

Overconfidence can play a pivotal role in financial decision-making, significantly impacting how individuals assess their understanding of financial matters. The 'Overconfidence Effect' suggests that individuals, particularly young adults, often overestimate their knowledge and abilities regarding financial issues. This cognitive bias can lead to poor financial choices, as individuals may believe they can manage risks far better than they actually can. This can result in misguided investments or avoidance of necessary financial strategies that could benefit them in the long run.

In your son's situation, his refusal to take on loans may stem from this overconfidence, leading him to underestimate the financial implications of his college choice. He might firmly believe that he can navigate his education without financial assistance, failing to recognize the potential long-term benefits of strategic borrowing. This mindset could ultimately hinder his academic and career prospects, emphasizing the importance of balanced financial awareness.

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Comment from u/Mama-Sawka

The whole thing starts when Anne and OP lay out the $53k rule for Tim and Lisa, and Tim picks the $27k-a-year school anyway.

Parenting styles significantly influence children's financial behaviors and decision-making processes, shaping their attitudes toward money from a young age. In contrast, permissive or neglectful parenting can hinder the development of these essential skills. This dynamic might explain your son's financial missteps, highlighting the critical role that parenting plays in shaping not just behavior, but also long-term financial well-being.

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Comment from u/Wide-Employment-7922

Social pressures and societal norms can heavily influence financial behaviors, especially in young adults navigating their formative years. The desire to fit in or 'keep up with the Joneses' can drive individuals to make unwise financial decisions, prioritizing status and appearances over sound financial planning. This phenomenon is often exacerbated by social media, where curated lifestyles can lead to unrealistic expectations and comparisons. Research highlights that social comparison can lead to increased financial strain and impulsivity, as seen in your son's choices. He may feel the need to spend beyond his means to align with peers or to project an image of success.

Understanding these influences can provide valuable insight into his actions and emotions, potentially fostering more constructive dialogues about financial responsibility. By addressing these societal pressures, you can help him develop a healthier perspective on money management and the importance of prioritizing long-term stability over fleeting trends.

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Comment from u/ClothesQueasy2828

After Tim burns through the fund, asks for help to change his major, and gets told no, the next fight is basically inevitable.

This also echoes a research assistant’s dilemma about ghostwriting a blind boss’s PhD.

The Effect of Tough Love

Tough love can be an effective parenting strategy, particularly when teaching children about consequences.

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Comment from u/Desc440

Instead of placing blame, it's essential to promote constructive conversations about responsibility.

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Comment from u/TinyRascalSaurus

Once the pandemic sends Tim back home, the Amazon spending and nonstop gaming turn “saving money” into a disaster.

Preventing Similar Incidents

To prevent similar incidents, early financial education is crucial for the development of responsible money management skills.

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Comment from u/lyan-cat

With Tim jobless, fired, and asking for more money again, the parents finally reach the breaking point and make him leave.

While the notion of tough love appears to be a viable response, it is essential that this approach is tempered with empathy and guidance. This family’s experience underscores the need for early financial literacy and a mindset geared towards future planning, as these elements could have mitigated the current predicament. Ultimately, this situation serves as a poignant reminder of how deeply financial behaviors are intertwined with emotional and psychological factors, which can have lasting repercussions on an individual’s life trajectory.

Tim might be wondering if he really understands what “your own way” meant, but nobody in that house is feeling unfair anymore.

Before you decide, read what happened when a teen resisted his mom’s new partner’s curfew and punishments.