AITA For Moving Out To Avoid Dad’s Girlfriend And Her Kid

Some families don’t just blend, they collide. In this one, an 18-year-old moved out of his dad’s house because his dad was bringing in his girlfriend and her kid, and the girlfriend had a long track record of pushing boundaries with him.

Here’s the messy part: his dad raised him solo after his mom vanished from his life when he was 5 months old, and this girlfriend had been in and out since he was 6. She didn’t just dislike the mom situation, she actively tried to drag the kid into it, even promising to take him to see his mom when he was around 8, ignoring what he wanted and forcing it like a “future” lesson. There were also blowups over his mom, creepy expectations, and even an incident where she got him kicked out of coding classes and almost had cops involved.

So when the girlfriend and her kid were about to move in, OP made a decision fast, and now he’s wondering if he went too far.

Original Post

I (18M but will be 19 in a month) moved out of my dad's house last month. It wasn't planned long-term.

It actually went against what my dad and I had talked about. But I moved out because he was moving in his girlfriend and her kid.

And I don't like his girlfriend. Dad raised me on his own.

He and my mom broke up when I was 5 months old, and she stopped being in my life. My dad first met his girlfriend when I was 6.

They dated on and off for the last 12 years. They had never lived together before, and they were never together for this long either (2 years).

But over the years, she has upset me a lot and made me wish he'd settle down with someone else. This isn't a matter of me not liking anyone Dad dated.

He was with someone else when I was 14, and I liked her a lot. This is more about this specific girlfriend than me not wanting Dad with anyone.

I first started to dislike her when I was 8, and she told me she was going to take me to see my mom. She got all riled up because Dad and I had seen Mom a few days before, and my mom went up to Dad to yell at him for trying to get child support out of her.

She ignored me completely and told Dad she didn't want her past mistakes to ruin her future. I was saying how I never wanted to see Mom again, and so Dad's girlfriend decided she'd take me to see her.

My dad shut that down hard. His girlfriend said my mom needed to confront the fact that I'm her kid.

It felt like Dad's girlfriend didn't care what I wanted or how that would hurt me, and even though she later apologized, it felt forced, like she was saying, 'Fine, whatever, sorry.' But it made me see her differently.

She and Dad broke up not long after that. She still brings up Mom more than I would like when she and my dad are together.

I resist the urge to tell her to shut the hell up. Half the time, I expect her to go behind our backs and try to get Mom involved.

When I was about 10 or 11, she got kicked out of the coding classes I was taking and almost had the cops called. Dad had asked her to pick me up.

She needed her ID, but she forgot it, so the class organizer couldn't let her take me, and instead of calling Dad, she started a fight about it and began screaming for me to grab my stuff and go. The organizer said even if I wanted to go with her, she needed ID before she could let me go.

They were just about to call the cops when she said she'd call Dad, and then he picked me up instead. It was late when he came, and she was angry for days after that.

I was so embarrassed, and some of the kids made fun of me when it was going down. She didn't care, and I remember her rolling her eyes when I said she was the reason the kids were making fun of me.

Another thing that has really upset me about her, and this is a recurring issue, is when she sees me on the phone and snaps her fingers in my face. This would happen when I was on the phone when she came over.

I was normally talking to family, either my great-grandma who was in a nursing home (she died 8 months ago) or out-of-state family.

She expected me to end any call and pay attention to her when she came over. She didn't like that I would be busy talking to family.

If Dad was there, he'd say to leave me be, but she did it so many times. She'd even come and track me down in my bedroom and start snapping her fingers in my face.

There's other stuff that has built up over time, and most of it is more like petty stuff. But I really don't like her anymore.

The last time my dad and she broke up, she got pregnant with another guy's kid. When she and Dad got back together, they decided to try and make it work.

I was hoping they wouldn't. I know that might sound bad, but I'd take so many other people over her.

But Dad loves her. And when he told me they were moving in last month, I told him I'd find somewhere else to live.

Dad told me I didn't have to, and in the two days it took me to figure something out, he tried to stop me. He told me I didn't need to, and I wasn't going to be kicked out.

They were just coming to live with us. I told him I couldn't live with his girlfriend, and I wasn't going to force myself to.

I told him I wasn't stopping him from moving them in, but I was moving myself out before that happened. Things between me and Dad have been tense since I moved out.

His girlfriend is offended that I moved out because they were moving in, and she tried to give me a piece of her mind or whatever. I ignored her.

She told me I better be there nearly every day to make up for it, but I haven't been to Dad's house once. I made plans to do stuff with him, but any 'family dinner' invites I don't accept.

Dad told me it was extreme to move out when I had always planned to stay at least another two years. I told him I could not accept her being a part of my household, and it was better I moved out when I did than disrespecting her like I knew I would.

His girlfriend accused me of trying to break them up and ruin their relationship. She even called my moving out a stunt.

I ended up blocking her number, but I hear her when Dad calls. She's apparently going to blame me if her kid's feelings get hurt in all of this.

AITA?

The situation surrounding the original poster's decision to move out highlights the complexities of blended family dynamics. As new partners and their children enter the picture, it is not uncommon for existing family members to feel a sense of dislocation and emotional strain. The OP's feelings of being displaced by his father's girlfriend and her child reflect a common struggle in such scenarios.

When a family member feels that their emotional ties are threatened, it can lead to significant turmoil and conflict. The OP's choice to leave his father's home suggests a desire to preserve his own emotional well-being amidst the challenges of adapting to a new family structure. This transition period requires delicate handling to foster a sense of unity rather than division.

Comment from u/a-mad-woman

Comment from u/Significant-Half-189

Studies show that individuals in blended families often experience feelings of jealousy and resentment, which can complicate relationships.

Understanding the emotional landscape can help mitigate conflicts.

Comment from u/WinterFront1431

Comment from u/IllustriousRiver4050

That promise to take him to see his mom, even after his dad shut it down, is where OP’s feelings toward the girlfriend really started to sour.

Effective communication is essential for navigating the complexities of blended families.

Creating a safe space for dialogue can foster understanding and cooperation among family members.

Comment from u/Emotional_Bonus_934

Comment from u/MrsSEM84

To resolve conflicts, it’s important to approach discussions with empathy and respect for each other’s feelings.

Encouraging open communication can help family members articulate their needs and concerns.

Practicing active listening can enhance trust and understanding within the family.

Comment from u/TeamBig3993

Comment from u/Neuropathic1980

Then, just when OP thought it was over, the girlfriend kept bringing up his mom during time with his dad, like it was her favorite topic.

This is also like the OP who refused to let her friend stay rent-free in her small apartment, despite constant strain.

Emotional responses can significantly shape interactions in blended families, often leading to misunderstandings.

Addressing these emotional triggers is essential for creating a harmonious family environment.

Comment from u/Ok_Childhood_9774

Comment from u/spymatt

Families should work towards establishing norms around communication and conflict resolution.

Comment from u/CnslrNachos

Comment from u/MrJammedWagon

The coding classes incident, where she got him kicked out and almost triggered cops, turns every “forced apology” into a lot more than teenage drama.

This situation highlights the complexities of navigating blended family dynamics.

By addressing these issues constructively, families can work towards healthier relationships.

Comment from u/Square-Minimum-6042

Comment from u/ItsAMeasureOfALife

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

Comment from u/ItJustWontDo242

Comment from u/New-Number-7810

Comment from u/Peachesl732

Comment from u/No-Animal4921

Comment from u/PatchEnd

Comment from u/VP_GloO

So when his dad finally moved in his girlfriend and her kid, OP didn’t wait around to see if the next attempt to involve his mom would get worse.

The situation surrounding the original poster's decision to move out highlights the intricate challenges faced by blended families.

He might be happier in a different apartment, because living with her felt like living on top of the next disaster.

For another “family rules vs. what you want” blowup, see how OP handled her creative pregnancy reveal to in-laws in Etiquette Dilemma: Unveiling My Pregnancy Creatively To In-Laws.