Woman Doesn't Want Her Father To Walk Her Down The Aisle Even Though They Have A Relatively Good Relationship

Suppose you haven’t gone through planning a wedding personally. In that case, you may underestimate how much planning and work can go into a wedding and reception.

There’s the overall budget to figure out before you can get into the guest list, who you would want to be in the wedding party, whether they will wear matching outfits, finding the right venue, deciding on how you want to decorate said venue, what to feed everyone you’re inviting, whether or not there are any food allergies or other dietary restrictions to be mindful of, and what sort of music or other entertainment you want to have for your guests.

On top of all that, you still have to find your own outfit, whether a dress, a suit, or something completely different! At least some well-established traditions can help shorten the seemingly never-ending to-do list, like the option to recite the standard vows (for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health…).

Another easy-to-follow tradition is having the bride's father walk her down the aisle. Although fathers walking their daughters down the aisle to “give them away” at their wedding has seemed to dwindle in popularity, many brides are opting to walk alone or with another important figure in their lives if they don’t have a loving relationship with their biological fathers. 

Recently, a Redditor found herself adding to the never-ending to-do list for her wedding planning by trying to figure out who she wanted to walk her down the aisle. She turned to the AITA forum for some outside perspective, as she admits upfront that she feels like she has a good relationship with her father but is considering asking her uncle to do the honors instead.

Keep scrolling to read her full story and see how fellow Redditors responded. 

OP explained that other posts inspired hers, but she felt like she didn't have a "logical" reason to not have her father walk her down the aisle

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She shared that she was a stereotypical "daddy's girl" growing up and felt like it was them against the rest of the family

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After she grew up, her parents divorced, and her father remarried, and her relationship with him started to weaken

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Navigating Complex Family Relationships

Dr. Laura Green, a family therapist at the University of Toronto, emphasizes that family dynamics can be complicated, especially during significant life events like weddings.

Her research indicates that individuals often feel torn between their desires and familial expectations.

In this case, the bride's reluctance to have her father walk her down the aisle reflects her struggle with balancing personal wishes and family traditions.

She felt like after the divorce, her father stopped putting in effort toward their relationship

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Acknowledging that she may sound entitled, OP admits that their relationship was also hurt by her father not following through on his promise to pay for college and a car

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OP's father put her off for months when she would ask about the car before she decided to just do it herself, but her uncle stepped up to help with the costs, along with assisting with her student loans

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Attachment theory suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape our adult relationships. When individuals have complex feelings about their parents, it can lead to ambivalence in familial interactions.

In this scenario, the bride's hesitation may stem from unresolved feelings about her relationship with her father, complicating her decision.

Recognizing these underlying emotions can help individuals navigate their relationships more effectively.

After some undisclosed drama, OP and her fiancé opted not to let her father pay for their wedding as planned, and again, OP's uncle stepped up to help

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She adds context that her uncle and aunt are like a second set of parents, and she aspires to have a husband like her uncle

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OP knows if she has her uncle walk her down the aisle, it will cause a huge issue with her father, which is why she turned to Reddit

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The Importance of Communication

Experts recommend fostering open communication to address complex family dynamics. Discussing feelings and expectations can create a more supportive environment.

In this case, the bride could benefit from having an honest conversation with her father about her feelings and concerns.

Utilizing 'I' statements can facilitate a more constructive dialogue.

Will it be something she'll regret?

PNW_Parent

Definitely something to think on

sensitive-Jedi

It could be a wake-up call for OP's dad

littlebitfunny21

Research from the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that families who engage in open discussions tend to experience fewer conflicts. When family members feel comfortable expressing their needs, it creates a more harmonious environment.

In this scenario, encouraging regular family meetings can help facilitate these important conversations.

Building a culture of communication can enhance relationships and understanding.

This could very well be something that completely ends their deteriorating relationship

Expensive-Safe-5216

Reddit isn't exactly known for giving *good* advice

Ok_Path1734

It's OP's choice, but it's very likely that it'll drive their dad further away

firehamsterpig

They make a good point - OP's dad can't have it all

Sea_Slide5810

It would be best to discuss with everyone involved before making the final decision

Tygermouse

At least OP has a few options they can consider

Mundane_Bike_912

There's definitely no scenario where OP's dad won't be hurt if he doesn't walk her down the aisle

Jerseygirl2468

Unfortunately, having them both walk OP isn't a viable option

OrangeFox88

OP eventually shares the reasons for their parents' divorce in the comments

sensitive-Jedi

It does sort of sound like OP is pulling away from her dad over financial reasons

Lorraine221

Is it possible OP's uncle has nefarious motives to get revenge on her dad?

moonbeammaker

Some harsh words, but maybe something OP needs to hear

LCJ75

OP elaborated more in the comments that she feels her uncle deserves the honor more due to his reliability and kindness throughout her life

sensitive-Jedi

OP only knows their side of things, and we don't know how much effort she's also put into their relationship

moonbeammaker

But it gave OP the perfect opportunity to clear up assumptions and provide more context

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Giving OP a different look at things

Legitimate-Moose-816

The more OP shares about her dad, the more sympathetic I am toward her

sensitive-Jedi

It would be a terrible way for OP's dad to find out she has such hurt feelings about him

Gladtobealive2020

Personally, I think everything they've laid out is the best advice OP received

darth_eowyn

While I definitely see where OP is coming from, I would take the easy route and just not have anyone walk me down the aisle. Relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson suggests, "It’s important to honor your feelings and make choices that reflect your true self." Additionally, taking Brené Brown's advice, "Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s our greatest measure of courage," could lead to a more meaningful celebration. Heck, if I could go back in time, I’d just skip doing the whole wedding thing in general and do a simple courthouse marriage or elope. Who do you think OP should choose to walk her down the aisle, her father or her uncle?

Let us know in the comments section below!

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the challenges of balancing personal desires with family expectations. It's essential for individuals to communicate openly about their feelings to foster understanding.

Encouraging honest discussions can help create a more supportive family dynamic.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating complex family relationships requires sensitivity and understanding. Addressing feelings openly can help individuals make decisions that honor their needs while respecting family dynamics.

According to research from the American Psychological Association, fostering open dialogue is key to resolving conflicts and enhancing relationships.

By promoting a culture of communication, families can create a more supportive environment during significant life events.