AITA For Redirecting Kids To Dad Over MMA Decision

A 28-year-old woman is stuck in the most awkward kind of co-parenting standoff, the kind where “we’re just following the agreement” turns into kids crying in the hallway. After a separation, her husband put his foot down: no more MMA for the kids, because he thinks it’s “too aggressive” and worries they’ll “turn out like” their mom.

The messy part is that MMA has been their weekly bonding ritual. They’ve been doing it for a year, it helped her daughters feel confident, and her middle child, who’s on the spectrum, asks about it constantly. When the kids bring it up, she doesn’t argue with her husband in the moment, she sends them to him and tells them to ask Daddy, which is somehow making him even angrier.

Now everyone is wondering who’s actually parenting and who’s dodging the hard conversation, especially after “just call Daddy” became the go-to response.

Original Post

Hi all, my husband and I are recently separated and heading for a divorce. We have three children: two together and one that he brought into the marriage, and they are all mostly staying with me.

Our kids and I have all been attending MMA classes once a week for about a year before the separation, and I think it was great. We were having fun; it was great bonding, great exercise, and especially for me and the girls, a wonderful way to increase our confidence.

As part of our separation agreement, Dad insisted that the kids stop MMA because it's "too aggressive" and he doesn't want them to "turn out like" me. I agreed to stop taking them because there were surely bigger things at stake, and I didn't feel like that should be my hill to die on.

I tried to gently explain to the kids that we are not going to do MMA anymore and to pick a different activity. Still, I didn't really know how to explain why without blaming their dad or claiming something I absolutely don't believe and can't defend (that MMA will make them aggressive). So, I send them to Dad whenever they ask.

Most especially, our middle child on the spectrum asks about it a lot (she asks to go every single week and usually cries when I say no). Now my husband is mad at me that I keep sending the kids to him whenever they ask about going for MMA again or about why we stopped instead of just implementing "our decision".

Am I the a*****e here? I'm not badmouthing him or anything.

Just when a kid asks to go, I tell them, "Ooh, let's ask Daddy about it. Let's call him right now."

Or something along those lines.

Post-divorce parenting can be complex, especially when it comes to co-parenting decisions.

Studies show that collaborative parenting approaches lead to better adjustment outcomes for children, as they feel more secure and supported during transitions.

Comment from u/Cold_Light_299792458

Comment from u/[deleted]

She agreed to stop MMA to avoid making it her hill to die on, then realized her daughters were still asking every single week.

When one parent redirects children to the other parent, it can create feelings of abandonment or confusion. Developmental psychologists highlight that children thrive on stability and may react negatively to perceived shifts in parental availability.

Addressing these feelings openly can help children cope with the realities of co-parenting arrangements.

Comment from u/HarveySnake

Comment from u/hopingimnotabadguy

Consistency in parenting helps children understand expectations and boundaries.

Creating a unified approach to parenting post-divorce can significantly enhance children's emotional security and overall adjustment.

Comment from u/Big_Antelope_4797

Comment from u/HotFox4151

The middle child, who usually cries when she hears “no,” keeps bringing up MMA, and OP’s “ask Daddy right now” answer is lighting a fuse.

Encouraging open dialogue between co-parents is essential for effective collaboration.

Utilizing co-parenting apps or regular meetings can facilitate this communication and help maintain consistency.

Comment from u/Labelloenchanted

Comment from u/Jmfroggie

Addressing Children's Emotional Needs in Co-Parenting

Children's emotional needs should be a priority in co-parenting arrangements.

It also echoes the roommate who refused to adjust the rent split when the other person’s finances crashed.

Comment from u/FortuneWhereThoutBe

Comment from u/immediateallaboutme

Dad hears the kids are still talking about it, and instead of seeing it as a neutral redirect, he thinks OP is refusing to implement “their decision.”

Engaging in family therapy or support groups can provide co-parents with tools to navigate their new roles effectively.

Comment from u/ChocolateSnowflake

Comment from u/hannahsangel

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

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Comment from u/BigBayesian

With a separation agreement already in play, OP’s fear of blaming him or defending MMA makes her keep bouncing the question back to him, and that’s where it all goes sideways.

The original poster's decision to redirect her kids to their dad regarding MMA classes highlights the importance of maintaining a united front, even amid personal disagreements. By choosing to involve their father in the decision-making process, she not only respects the boundaries set by their separation agreement but also acknowledges the emotional needs of the children, who are clearly passionate about their classes.

Such collaborative approaches can significantly ease the transition for children, as seen in this scenario where their eagerness to continue with MMA reflects their desire for stability and support. Ultimately, navigating these challenges with a focus on the children's well-being can foster a healthier environment for all involved.

He might be mad because he thinks she’s sharing the blame, but she’s convinced she’s just trying not to start a fight.

For another friend-fueled family blowup, read about the AITA fight over a friend’s excessive luxury vacation bragging.