AITA for Refusing to Buy Boyfriends Daughter a Gift While Away on Business Trip?

In a recent Reddit post, a user shared a lengthy dilemma about a situation that unfolded during an 8-day business trip to Japan. The user, a 32-year-old woman, detailed how her boyfriend of 8 months reacted negatively when she informed him about the upcoming trip.

His request to join her on the trip, along with his 17-year-old daughter, raised concerns for the user. The accommodation was already arranged for a single traveler, and accommodating them would have required additional costs and disrupted the professional nature of the trip.

Throughout the trip, communication with the boyfriend and his daughter was limited, with the daughter not responding to messages. Upon the boyfriend's request for gifts for his daughter and nieces, the user felt overwhelmed and eventually decided to buy presents only for her own family.

Upon returning, tensions rose as the boyfriend expressed disappointment over not receiving gifts for his daughter. The user found herself at a crossroads, unsure about the future of the relationship.

The Reddit post sparked a heated discussion, with many commenters expressing support for the user's decision to prioritize her work and professional boundaries. Some highlighted the boyfriend's unreasonable demands, entitlement, and lack of understanding regarding the nature of a business trip.

The consensus leaned towards the user not being in the wrong for setting boundaries and contemplating the future of the relationship. The thread resonated with many, emphasizing the importance of clear communication, respect for professional commitments, and healthy relationship dynamics.

Original Post

Apologies in advance for the long post. I ( F32) went on a 8 day business trip to Japan.

I work as an external consultant for a company. This would be a visit to scale our services.

Me and 3 other colleagues would visit, but we would be at the same site for only 2 days until we were spread out to other areas. was very excited until I told my boyfriend (Bryan M38) of 8 months.

His reaction wasn’t very positive. I asked what was going on, and he said he was spaced out because of situations at his job, but he assured me everything was fine.

Days later, he asked if I could take him. This caught me off guard, and I said I needed to think about it, and then he said he would want his daughter to come along.

I understand his point. She’s 17F, loves anime and has impressive knowledge on some very niche characters.But also, I have my own kids (ages 4 and 5) and I would rather share that breakthrough with them although realistically talking, bringing them would be unprofessional.

My accommodations were paid for by the client and that I had already confirmed. I got a very nice accommodation but it was definitely booked for a single traveler.

My colleagues had other rooms. Bringing his daughter would require a separate bedroom or a suite.

I would not go back to cancel on the accommodation or ask for a larger space (unthinkable) or do anything to mess up the schedule. When I told Bryan, he said I should be able to ask for some changes.

I also realized that he wasn’t ready to pay for any of this since he said he would reimburse me later. I’m financially okay, but the whole idea of this trip is to make more money, not spend it, and potentially be unable to recover it.

Also, this was never a vacation or anything, and he said things that showed me he didn’t understand/believe that me and my team and I were on a tight schedule. I could surely spend time with him and his daughter after work but while bringing them at another time and not in that situation.

I didn’t ask the client at all because I was embarrassed. Also, I began to worry about his sense of humor.

It’s not like I’ve mastered Japanese business etiquette, but I took the time to learn, and Bryan sometimes does things that get him in trouble. We would be having dinner with our client and colleagues and I could either have him stay at the hotel (not a great way to treat a partner, or bring him along if that was permitted (awkward especially if it messed up the accommodation schedule).

When I candidly expressed this concern, he got extremely pissed off and gave me the silent treatment. This stressed me out, and I told him.

I left for the airport while he was still not talking to me. We talked only a few times while I was abroad.

His daughter did not reply to any of my messages. I don’t know if he falsely told her that she was getting an early high school graduation present (trip) or if she was just mad at me.

I got a hold of a huge plush anime character and took a selfie asking if she liked it. No answer.

About one or 2 days before I flew back, he started texting me with requests. He wanted me to get xyz, this and that, for his daughter and his nieces.

I got very angry because she didn't even reply, but he had no problem asking for more and more stuff, and that put me off. I told him that his daughter never replied to any of my messages, and he didn’t say anything about it.

I ended up silencing his notifications and buying presents only for my family. When I got back, all I wanted was to spend time with my kids since I’ve never been away from them.

I kept putting off seeing Bryan until last Friday when we met for pizza, and he looked uncomfortable. He said I let his daughter down by allowing her to think she was getting the plush toy and was also in disbelief when I confirmed that I didn’t bring her anything.

I told him that I didn’t think it mattered since she completely blanked me out. We had a back and forth, but there was no resolution.

I feel more lost than when this whole thing started. I feel like he thinks a gift for his daughter was the solution to everything, and I disagree.

I’m doing my best to create a good future, and I’m a bit on the fence about continuing the relationship. I care about him and his kid, but I’m afraid of being used/dragged down, and the way he pressured me made me really uncomfortable.

I’m also a bit hurt because I had built a relationship with his daughter, and not getting a single reply to my messages is honestly a bad look. I’me tempted to think that she’s either angry because I didn't agree to bringing them along or that maybe he told her to ignore me.

I’m planning on ending things because I need clarity, but also, maybe I’m being unfair. I think there’s the possibility that he got overly excited and got carried away, but I know he will likely be unable to pay me back.

AITA? Update: Thanks to everyone for their advice and input.

I just wanted to clarify about the plush toy incident. His daughter and I used to spend time together (some afternoons after school while he dar was at work).

I did give her spontaneous gifts that she enjoyed. We would email and text each other during her time with her mom ( joint custody).

When I sent the toy picture, I wanted to know if it was up her alley. I would have bought it if she said she liked it but got the silent treatment instead.

I know some of you think I was wrong for not bringing her anything but part of my decision to leave him comes from feeling like they acted like an exclusive clique where others can't be accepted unless they give to them. She left me on seen, and left me asking "hello?" like an idiot.

We broke up last night. He wanted to come to my place, but I didn't allow it.

I drove to his place instead and delivered 2 packages that had been delivered at my PO Box and told him that I would return any mail or package address to him from now on. I didn't get off my vehicle.

The conversation was very short but very sour. I told him that he acted too greedy and conceited for me to feel any interest in prolonging the relationship.

He tried to explain that his daughter was hurt because she had her hopes set on the trip but I said this was a lesson for her so that she learns to work for her own things when she becomes an adult, instead of piggy backing her way. And also, that this is on him, as a father.

I took off to avoid more back and forth. I asked him never to contact me again and blocked them both.

I already changed my locks, changed all my streaming passwords, etc.

Exploring Boundaries in Relationships

Setting boundaries is a vital aspect of healthy relationships, especially when it comes to gift-giving and expectations.

Research indicates that clear boundaries help maintain individual autonomy while fostering mutual respect.

In this case, the decision to refuse buying a gift during a business trip can reflect a desire to prioritize personal well-being over external pressures.

Comment from u/lady-scorpio-45

Comment from u/cassowary32

The dynamics of blended families introduce additional complexities around gift-giving.

Studies show that individuals in stepfamilies often face unique challenges in navigating expectations and feelings of belonging.

In this situation, the girlfriend's daughter may represent an added layer of emotional complexity that influences the boyfriend's decisions.

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Understanding Emotional Expectations

Emotional expectations can significantly impact relationships, especially in blended families.

Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology suggests that unmet expectations can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.

This underscores the importance of open communication about what each party expects from the relationship.

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Addressing emotional expectations can help prevent misunderstandings.

Encouraging honest discussions about feelings and boundaries can foster healthier relationship dynamics.

Involving a family therapist may also provide guidance in navigating these complex emotions.

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The Role of Compromise in Relationships

Compromise is essential in maintaining harmony within relationships, particularly in blended families.

Research indicates that successful relationships often rely on each partner's willingness to adapt and find common ground.

In this case, finding a compromise regarding gift-giving may enhance the boyfriend's relationship with his girlfriend's daughter.

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Ultimately, prioritizing emotional health and boundaries can lead to healthier relationships.

Encouraging regular discussions about feelings and expectations can help build trust and understanding.

Setting aside time for family bonding activities may also strengthen connections between all family members.

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The Impact of Emotional Labor

Emotional labor plays a significant role in relationship dynamics, particularly in blended families.

Research shows that individuals often feel the weight of managing their emotions to meet others' expectations, leading to potential burnout.

Being aware of emotional labor can help individuals recognize when they need to prioritize their own needs over others'.

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We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the importance of setting boundaries in relationships, especially when navigating complex family dynamics.

It's essential for individuals to communicate their needs and feelings openly to foster understanding and reduce conflicts.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating boundaries and emotional expectations in relationships requires clear communication and mutual respect.

Understanding the dynamics of blended families can enhance relationship satisfaction and reduce conflicts.

Ultimately, fostering a spirit of compromise and open dialogue can lead to healthier and more fulfilling connections.