AITA For Refusing To Manage My Husband's CPAP Machine?
AITA for refusing to take care of my husband's CPAP machine? He believes it's my responsibility, but I feel he should manage his own things.
A 41-year-old woman refused to manage her husband’s CPAP machine, and it turned into a full-on bedroom lockout fight. The drama didn’t start with yelling, it started with one simple nightly routine that somehow became everyone else’s problem.
Her husband, 42, has used the CPAP for 15 years and never puts it away in the morning. He expects her to keep the kids and pets from touching it, even though he leaves other stuff wherever he wants, like shoes under the kitchen table. Then last night their cat chewed the CPAP hose, and he blamed her for not “watching” it, before trying to lock her and the kids out of the bedroom when he leaves for work.
Now she’s stuck arguing that he can handle his own medical device, and he’s stuck insisting she should do it for him.
Original Post
So my husband (42m) and I (41f) are having a disagreement. Here's the situation: he uses a CPAP machine at night.
He's had it for 15 years and never puts it away in the morning. He has decided that it's my responsibility to take care of it and prevent the children or our pets from touching it.
He says it's unreasonable for him to put it away every morning, even though there are many things the kids and I use and put away every single day. He insists that other things of his be left where it's convenient for him, even if it makes life harder for the rest of us (for example, he will leave his shoes under the kitchen table and tells me that I should just not clean the floor there at all so his shoes don't get moved). He goes to great lengths to make life easier for himself, even if that means putting more difficulty on me and our children.
Last night, our cat got into our bedroom and chewed on the hose for his CPAP. I didn't know it until we went to bed, and my husband freaked out.
He demanded to know why I wasn't watching his CPAP and why I had "let" it get ruined. Then he decided he wanted to lock me and the kids out of our bedroom when he leaves for work every morning.
I said absolutely not. Our second bathroom is only accessible through the bedroom; all my belongings are in the bedroom, and that would leave me without access to any of my things during the day unless I cleared everything out of my room and the second bathroom (which is also where I keep my makeup and other personal items), which to me seems totally unreasonable. I told him he should put away his CPAP every morning.
He says that it's unreasonable for him to remember to do such an annoying task and that he shouldn't have to put anything he owns away.
I really feel like he should be responsible for his own things and that it is unreasonable for him to lock me out of my own room. So, am I the a*****e?
Personal Responsibility and Self-Care
Refusing to manage a partner's CPAP machine highlights underlying themes of personal responsibility and self-care within relationships.
Comment from u/Princess-She-ra
Comment from u/SpecialistFeeling220
The cat chewing the CPAP hose is what finally flipped this from “annoying habit” to “why is my husband blaming me for his mornings?”
Psychologists emphasize the importance of setting boundaries in relationships, particularly regarding personal health management.
Comment from u/amt-plants
Comment from u/KetoLurkerHereAgain
Open communication about health-related expectations is essential for reducing conflicts in relationships.
Comment from u/Kittynizzles
Comment from u/CrabbiestAsp
When he demanded to know why she wasn’t watching his CPAP and pointed the blame at her, the whole “your job” setup got exposed.
Therapists recommend using 'I' statements during discussions about responsibilities, such as saying, 'I feel like I can't manage your CPAP without feeling overwhelmed.'
This approach minimizes blame and opens the door for constructive dialogue.
Effective communication can lead to more equitable partnerships and shared responsibilities.
This CPAP fight is similar to the OP swapping office snacks, only to anger junk-food loving colleagues.
Comment from u/Basic_Dig1720
Comment from u/Appropriate_Sky_6571
Expectations can significantly influence relationship satisfaction, particularly regarding caregiving roles.
Comment from u/Bluebells7788
Comment from u/Sistamama
The lockout plan made it worse, because their second bathroom only works through the bedroom, which is where her stuff and makeup are.
This situation underscores the importance of balancing care with personal boundaries.
Finding a compromise that respects both partners' needs can foster greater emotional intimacy and connection.
Comment from u/Ancient-Meal-5465
Comment from u/nim_opet
We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.
Comment from u/Timely_Proposal_1821
Comment from u/Both-Mud-4362
Comment from u/ohdearitsrichardiii
Comment from u/HarveySnake
Comment from u/Frozen-Nose-22
Comment from u/Aggravating_Bison_53
He called putting it away an “annoying task,” but she’s basically like, so is living around your shoes and your uncontained CPAP.
The dynamics of shared responsibilities in relationships are vividly highlighted in this situation involving the CPAP machine.
He might be wondering if his CPAP rules are the real reason this marriage feels impossible.
Before you judge, see what happened when a pregnant OP refused to share pickles with judgmental sisters: keeping pregnancy cravings to herself.
