AITA for refusing vicks vaporub and yelling at my mom?

A 28-year-old woman refused to let her mom keep rubbing Vicks Vaporub on her, and it did not go smoothly. OP hates the menthol smell and sting, says it burns her skin, waters her eyes when it hits her forehead, and even keeps her awake at night. Still, whenever she gets sick, her mom treats it like a non-negotiable cure, applying it even when OP protests.

For years, OP has tried to stop it, even crying and telling her to stop, only to get yelled at to “stay still” and “stop whining.” Eventually she managed to set firmer boundaries, but the week-long cold that would not go away turned everything into round two, and then her mom escalated in the middle of the night by hovering over her and rubbing Vicks on her temples while she was asleep.

Now OP is wondering if yelling back made her the asshole, or if her mom crossed a line by doing it anyway.

Original Post

To add context, I absolutely hate vicks vaporub, or basically any menthol rub/oil/essential oil. While I hear a lot of people talk about how good and "cooling" it feels, it's the complete opposite for me.

It feels like it's burning my skin, it makes my eyes water especially when it's applied on my forehead, it keeps me awake (when I have it on at night), absolutely does the opposite from making me calm, and yea it's just an overall uncomfortable experience. But despite all this, I still always have it applied on me when I'm sick, but it's always against my will.

My mom, while I get she has good intentions, always puts it on me even when I'm just a little bit sick despite my constant protest. Shes been doing this since I was a kid, even when I would cry and tell her to stop putting it on me, she yells at me to stay still and to "stop whining" about it.

When I was older I finally had enough and communicated as much as I can to her on why I didn't want it everytime she insisted on putting it on me. She would grumble afterwards and call me "ungrateful" but thankfully she didn't force it on me like she would all those times before.

It wasn't until I had a week long cold, and this one was particularly very annoying because it just wouldn't budge no matter what. The past week she'd been offering to rub vicks on me again like usual, but like the last few times I refused.

This continued on, then yesterday night came and she was more adamant on rubbing some on me, and after a bit of arguing she finally gave up and just let me be, or so I thought. I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night to my mom hovering over me and rubbing some vicks on my temples.

Of course I was startled so I asked her what the h**l she was doing. She jumped cuz she probably wasn't expecting me to wake up and she told me she was just doing what was best for me.

Immediately I felt the burning and rushed out of bed to get some wet wipes so I could take it off, and as I was doing so she yelled at me to stop and that I could just sleep the pain off. I lost it at her and just started going off about how this was nowhere near to "looking out for me" like she said.

If she truly cared then she wouldn't force something on me that I am clearly uncomfortable with. Then, for some reason, as I was trying to give out my points, she cut me off and started going on a tangent about how she "owns" me and that she could do whatever she wanted with me even when I don't want it.

Now this is the point of the story where I'm not proud of and is the reason why I went to this sub in the first place. I then began to curse at her and yell at her and tell her that she didn't own me, that I was my own person, that this is MY body and that just because she was my mother, I wasn't going to give her the right to treat me as someone who doesn't deserve any respect.

She then cried and called me ungrateful once again, and left the house. It is currently the next day and she hasn't come home yet, AITA?

The conflict described in the article highlights a fundamental struggle over personal boundaries, which are essential for fostering trust and respect in any relationship. Respecting personal boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy and fulfilling interactions. When one party consistently disregards the other's limits, it can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even emotional distress that can linger long after the incident.

This situation exemplifies how boundaries are not just about physical space; they also encompass emotional and psychological limits that are vital for personal well-being. The OP's mother, by applying Vicks against their wishes, inadvertently violated these boundaries, prompting an emotional backlash from the OP. Such actions can create a rift in relationships, as they signal a lack of respect for individual autonomy and personal choices.

Comment from u/Scary-Extension6915

Comment from u/oldnowthinker

Even after OP explained why menthol rubs feel like burning and make her eyes water, her mom still acted like “good intentions” meant “no consent.”

Why doesn’t the mom respect the OP's wishes?

Comment from u/Kitastrophe8503

Comment from u/AudienceFrosty4530

The issue of autonomy plays a significant role here, particularly in the context of personal development and psychological well-being. When a person's autonomy is undermined, as in the OP's case, it can lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration, which can have long-lasting effects on mental health.

For parents, recognizing the importance of allowing children to express their preferences—even in minor matters—can foster a sense of independence and self-efficacy in their children. This practice not only enhances their decision-making skills but also cultivates a sense of responsibility. Ultimately, promoting autonomy can lead to healthier relationships between parents and children, characterized by mutual respect and understanding.

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Comment from u/BluBeams

That truce lasted until OP had a week-long cold, and suddenly her mom was back to offering Vicks again like it was inevitable.

Family dynamics can significantly complicate the enforcement of personal boundaries, creating a unique set of challenges for individuals within the family unit. This is particularly evident when parents inadvertently undermine their children's sense of independence.

Such dynamics frequently lead to power struggles, where one party feels their autonomy is consistently compromised, creating tension and conflict. Recognizing these patterns is crucial for all family members, as it fosters an environment where open dialogue can occur. Understanding these dynamics can help both parties in the conflict appreciate the need for respectful communication and acknowledgment of each other’s perspectives.

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Comment from u/SilverSpectrum202

The OP's strong emotional reaction can be explained through the psychological principle of reactance, which is well-documented in psychological literature. In this specific case, the OP's reaction was not merely a surface-level disagreement but a direct response to feeling that their autonomy was being disregarded and undermined.

Understanding this principle of reactance can provide valuable insights for both the OP and the mother involved in the situation. It highlights that the confrontation stemmed from a deeper psychological need for respect and autonomy, rather than simply a disagreement over a product or choice. Recognizing these underlying emotions can foster more empathetic communication and potentially lead to a resolution that honors both perspectives.

This reminds me of the holiday photo fight, where a friend demanded perfect shots and wouldn’t back off.

Comment from u/squigs

Comment from u/Otherwise-Ad4641

The real problem hit when OP woke up to her mom hovering over her, rubbing Vicks on her temples in the middle of the night.

Effective communication is crucial in resolving conflicts like this. When individuals express their thoughts and emotions clearly, it not only enhances understanding but also promotes a more harmonious environment. Using 'I' statements, for instance, can help both parties articulate their feelings without assigning blame, thereby fostering understanding and empathy.

For example, the OP could express, 'I feel uncomfortable when Vicks is applied to me,' rather than saying, 'You never listen to me.' This approach opens the door for meaningful dialogue and reduces defensiveness on both sides. By focusing on personal feelings rather than accusations, both parties can engage more openly and work towards a resolution that respects everyone's needs.

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Comment from u/Dittoheadforever

To prevent similar conflicts in the future, families can implement a few effective strategies that foster understanding and cooperation. Immediate steps include setting up a family meeting where everyone can discuss boundaries openly, ensuring that all members have a voice and feel valued in the decision-making process. This approach not only addresses current issues but also sets a positive tone for future discussions.

In the short term, employing active listening techniques can significantly enhance communication, helping each family member feel heard and respected. This practice encourages empathy and patience, which are crucial in resolving misunderstandings. In the longer term, engaging in regular family check-ins can serve as a valuable tool to maintain open lines of communication. These check-ins reinforce the importance of autonomy, allowing for healthier interactions and mutual respect, ultimately leading to a more harmonious family environment.

Comment from u/ServelanDarrow

Comment from u/joe-h2o

When OP rushed to wipe it off with wet wipes and confronted her, her mom responded with yelling instead of stopping.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

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Comment from u/Plus_Ad_9181

In conclusion, the situation described in the article can be analyzed using several psychological concepts such as personal boundaries, cognitive dissonance, autonomy, reactance, and the impact of communication styles. All these factors, combined with potential cultural influences, contribute to the complexity of this mother-child conflict. By incorporating these principles, the OP and their mom might find a way to resolve their conflict in a more constructive manner.

Nobody wants to be treated like a sleepwalking Vicks dispenser, and OP’s mom might have just made it worse.

For more relationship fallout, read what happened when a fiancé demanded an open relationship, then cheated.