Mother Of Three Told Her Sister That She Regrets Having Kids And Then Wonders If She's Done The Wrong Thing
It is an incredibly tough question: does regretting having kids make you a bad person?
One mother of three ended up saying out loud what many parents only think in private, and Reddit had a lot to say about it.
She told her sister she regrets having children after years of pressure, long shifts, and raising three young kids with almost no support from their father. That confession turned a family conversation into a much bigger debate about honesty, motherhood, and what people really mean when they say parenthood is rewarding.
Now the internet is weighing in on whether she crossed a line, or just told the truth.
"I have three children, 4,2,8 months.Their father left when I was pregnant with the youngest.I work long shifts and have to do everything by myself.Their father is unemployed so we don't get any support from him meaning I have to work longer hours.I love my children but lately I've just found myself so emotionally drained and tired.My sister is thinking of having children and asked me my opinion and I said "having children is great, if you have the patience, I was pressured into having my three and I regret it every day, don't get me wrong I absolutely love my children but you have to be a certain type of person"I was never motherly, I only had children because it was seen as the "right" thing to do.I love my children, they're well cared for.My sister looked at me like I kicked a puppy, apparently I'm an asshole for even thinking what I did.AITA?"
The tension here is pretty obvious, because this is not just about regret, it is about pressure, exhaustion, and a sister who asked a very loaded question.
Experiencing regret about parenting choices can be a normal reaction. Research indicates that many parents report mixed feelings, especially during challenging developmental phases of their children.
This complexity arises from the cognitive dissonance between societal expectations and personal desires. Thus, feelings of regret do not equate to being a bad person but rather reflect the intricacies of parenthood.
"people love to pretend like children are the One True Blessing, and for some people they are. but they are also expensive, time consuming, emotionally and physically draining, and sometimes isolating.and it's okay to love your children while still wishing you had made different choices. it's an uncomfortable reality of parenthood and, likewise, just being a human being."
That honesty struck a nerve with a lot of people reading along.
"I have kids, I love my kids - but this sounds very situational.OP seems to hate that she was pressured into having kids before she was ready, did it to make him happy, and expected to do this with his support. So, I totally understand why OP hates being a mom now - she was trying to do this with a fairly low amount of support to start with...and then even left on her!Hell, at times I wish I could escape and I have a strong support from wife + family + friends. Trying to do this as a single mom, who has to work and has no support from a partner? Brutal.Particularly at the ages of her kids - it's understandable she hates being a mom right now. She may feel different if the situation was different - but that's pure speculation and she can only comment on her actual life circumstances."
Plenty of commenters focused on how hard her situation sounds, not just what she said.
"I'm that person. I love my kids and do what's right for them, but if I had the choice to go back and don't all over again, not a chance in hell. NTA"
"NTA, she's being naive for not recognising how difficult it is to be a single mum to multiple kids with no financial support...."
"This. I have 3, and while I don’t regret it, there are days where I miss the freedom I had before kids. And I even have a spouse who is a true parenting partner and who has a good job. I can’t imagine doing what you’re doing, OP. My husband has been gone for work for the last four days and it’s taking all my energy to just get through each day waiting for him to come home and help me!"
And then the thread kept circling back to the same point, kids are a lot.
"NTA people need to stop pretending that having kids is always happy shiny Brady bunch stuff. Admitting that you were pressured and you have regrets is a great deterrent to people who might be waffling over whether to make the same decisions you did. And saying you have regrets is not tantamount to abuse."
This also sounds like the AITA where a struggling sister expected her to drop everything for her kids.
"Carol Brady had a full-time, live-in maid/cook/babysitter. Just saying . . ."
"NTA as long as you never let your kids know that."
"NTA, you're not the first person to have children because it seemed like the thing to do and wind up loving your children but hating the whole lifestyle."
"NTA at all. It's taboo to admit it, but the age of anonymity on the internet has revealed just how many hundreds of people rush into parenthood because it's what is expected and then deeply regret it. You are not alone, wrong or an asshole. Everyone telling you that those thoughts are best kept to yourself is part of the problem. Everyone wants to hide what an absolute horror parenthood can be, so all that's left is the gooey Hallmark romantic portrayal of what it's like to have kids and that...is not the reality. Just like it's not true that "it's different when it's your own" or "you can't help but love your own kid" or "it's just instinct!" Keeping the dirty details of pregnancy, child birth and parenthood hush hush is exactly why we have so many people who are miserable because they regret having kids."
"NTA. People need to be more honest about the reality of having children. It’s not for everyone and the more people who speak up about that, the better. For those on the fence about kids or who don’t want them, but feel like they are supposed to, stories like yours are so important.I’m sorry you had kids and don’t have the support you need to raise them. I applaud you doing the work to give them good lives and I hope that sometime in the near future, you can bring some focus back to your own needs and wants and dreams."
"NAH. People don't like to admit that they regret having kids, I think it's FAR more common that people make out, but that degree of honesty is obviously kinda shocking to most people."
The thread was incredibly supportive and decided that she was not an asshole; just a human doing their best.
"NTA.The real AH is your ex that pressured you into having them and then abandoning you all.When having kids, it has to be a "Fuck Yeah!" or "Fuck No" sort of situation. People can't be wishy washy about having kids as once they are out of the body, bam! There's a financial and emotional responsibility for 18+ years. You were right to express your honest opinion to your sister, as kids are not like the Kodak photos.It takes time, effort, money, and determination to be a decent parent. If a person is not willing to sacrifice everything for their kids, then maybe they should not be parents."
"NAH. Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world. So long as you never let your kids think they're not wanted you can feel how you like. However, our society thinks being a mom is a natural state of being for women and some people will always be shocked when you counter that view."
The article sheds light on the often-hidden emotions surrounding parenthood, particularly the feelings of regret expressed by the mother of three. This sentiment is not uncommon, as societal pressures and the idealized version of family life can create unrealistic expectations. Many parents find themselves grappling with guilt and shame when their reality does not align with the so-called American dream of a perfect family.
Recognizing these feelings is crucial, as they highlight the complexities and challenges of parenting in today's demanding environment. The notion that regret can coexist with love for one's children is a reflection of the multifaceted nature of family life, rather than a flaw in character.
Research shows that parental regret is linked to a phenomenon called 'role conflict', where parents struggle to balance personal desires with societal expectations.
By addressing personal feelings of inadequacy and seeking support, parents can cultivate healthier family dynamics.
The article highlights the complex emotions surrounding motherhood, particularly the regret that can accompany such a profound life choice. Recognizing that feelings of doubt are not uncommon in the parenting experience allows individuals to approach their emotions with a level of understanding and kindness.
Additionally, it emphasizes the importance of seeking out supportive resources and communities. These spaces can provide validation for mothers grappling with regret and offer constructive solutions that pave the way for personal growth and improved family dynamics.
Acknowledging these emotions can be a crucial step toward acceptance and healing.
The story of a mother expressing regret over her decision to have children highlights a profound and often overlooked aspect of parenting. This sentiment resonates deeply in a society that frequently glorifies parenthood as the pinnacle of fulfillment. The emotional turmoil that accompanies such regret is not uncommon. It reflects the weight of societal expectations and the reality that the traditional narrative of family life does not align with everyone's experiences or desires.
In this case, the mother's candid admission serves as a reminder that it is crucial for individuals to acknowledge their feelings without guilt. Creating a supportive environment where parents can openly discuss their struggles and seek validation is vital. It underscores the need for connection, whether through friends, family, or professionals, as a means of navigating the complexities of parenthood. Acknowledging these feelings is not a weakness but a necessary step towards understanding one's path and achieving emotional health.
Want more baby-planning drama, read about the mom who refused her sister-in-law after criticizing her parenting.
