AITA for unfriending childhood best friend who sabotaged my relationship?

A 28-year-old woman refused to stay friends with her childhood best friend after she allegedly slid into her boyfriend’s DMs behind her back, and honestly, that is the kind of betrayal that makes your stomach drop.

OP and “Jen” go way back, through crushes, school drama, and family messes, so when OP started dating “Max” and things finally looked stable, she thought she had her people. But then OP found flirty texts between Jen and Max, the kind that weren’t just “friendly,” they were basically a play for closeness.

Now OP is stuck trying to decide if an apology erases the fact that Jen tried to sabotage her relationship.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) and I've been friends with 'Jen' (28F) since we were kids. We've been through everything together - first crushes, school drama, family issues.

She's been a huge part of my life. For background, I recently started dating 'Max' (30M), and things were going great.

We were serious about each other and planning a future together. Jen had met Max and seemed to like him, which I was happy about.

However, last week, I found out that Jen had been texting Max behind my back. I saw flirty messages and hints that she was trying to get close to him.

I was shocked and hurt beyond words. I confronted her, and she admitted to having feelings for Max and wanting to see if he felt the same way.

I felt betrayed and heartbroken. I couldn't believe someone I considered a sister would do this to me.

I ended the conversation and unfriended her on all social media. Jen has been trying to reach out, apologizing and asking for forgiveness, saying she made a mistake and regrets her actions.

But I'm struggling with the idea of forgiving her after such a huge breach of trust. So AITA?

The Depth of Betrayal

This situation highlights a profound breach of trust that cuts deep, especially given the long history between OP and Jen. Childhood friendships often carry a weight of loyalty and shared experiences that can complicate matters when betrayal occurs. Jen's flirty texts to OP’s partner, Max, not only undermine their relationship but also shatter the foundation of their friendship.

It’s hard to overstate how deeply such actions can wound. Readers are likely resonating with OP’s pain, recalling their own experiences of feeling betrayed by someone they thought they could trust. It raises the question: can a friendship really survive when one party actively sabotages the other’s happiness?

OP was already celebrating the serious future with Max when she uncovered Jen’s flirty messages, and that’s when the whole “best friend” narrative cracked.

Comment from u/RainbowPug123

YTA if you don't hear her out, but NTA if you need time to heal. You deserve better, OP.

Comment from u/TeaAndBooks44

NTA. True friends don't go after their friend's partner. She crossed a major boundary.

Comment from u/gamerxXx2001

Dude, that's some messed up stuff. NTA all the way.

Comment from u/PizzaIsLife777

I've been through a similar situation. It hurts like h**l. Take care of yourself first, OP. NTA.

The confrontation went exactly the way you’d expect, Jen admitted she had feelings for Max, and OP didn’t have the heart to pretend it was nothing.

Comment from u/BeachDreamer55

Oof, that's a tough spot to be in. Jen crossed a line. NTA for setting boundaries.

It echoes the AITA fight where a friend’s crush got rejected, and she still dated him.

Comment from u/SunnySideUp22

Your friend's behavior is unacceptable. NTA. Surround yourself with people who respect you.

Comment from u/TheDancingPanda

NTA. Betrayal like that cuts deep. Take your time to process this, OP.

After OP unfriended Jen on every platform, Jen kept showing up with apologies, but the texts to Max were still sitting in OP’s head like a receipt.

Comment from u/CoffeeNCats88

I don't blame you for cutting her off. NTA. It's important to prioritize your own well-being.

Comment from u/OceanBreeze99

She went behind your back with malintent. NTA for protecting yourself from toxic friendships.

Comment from u/MidnightRider1010

No way are you the AH here. OP, take all the time you need to heal from this backstabbing. NTA.

The real mess is that Jen knows Max, knows OP’s history, and still chose to cross the line while OP was planning her life with him.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

Community Divided: Support or Critique?

The community’s response to OP’s dilemma showcases the complexities of friendship dynamics. Some Reddit users firmly support OP's decision to unfriend Jen, emphasizing the need to prioritize one’s mental health and boundaries. Others, however, suggest that a conversation with Jen could have been a better route, arguing that friendships can often be salvaged through open dialogue.

This division reflects a broader tension in relationships: should loyalty to friends come before the needs of a romantic partner? The varying opinions highlight just how personal these conflicts can be, reminding us that each situation carries its own unique circumstances and emotional stakes.

The Takeaway

This story underscores the fragile nature of trust in both friendships and romantic relationships. Betrayal can lead to irreversible consequences, as seen with OP and Jen. While some may advocate for open communication, the emotional fallout can often cloud judgment, making it difficult to navigate these waters. How do you decide when a friendship has crossed the line? Have you ever had to choose between a friend and a partner, and what was the outcome?

Why This Matters

In this scenario, OP's reaction to Jen's betrayal highlights just how vital trust is in long-standing friendships.

OP might never fully trust Jen again, and Max deserves a relationship where nobody is secretly rooting for the breakup.

Before you cut ties with Jen, read if it’s wrong to test a best friend’s loyalty.