AITA for Wanting Practical Help Instead of Baby Cuddles from Friends?

Are you expecting a baby and wondering if you're in the wrong for asking friends to lend a real helping hand instead of just cuddling the newborn? One Reddit user finds herself in a dilemma as she prepares to welcome her first child in June.

While her friends are eager to spend time with the baby, she's made it clear that she needs practical assistance with chores like cleaning and cooking. The user, who values her independence and specific way of doing things, is finding it challenging to convey her needs to her friends, who seem more focused on enjoying baby cuddles.

In a recent conversation with her best friend, she gently raised the issue of needing help around the house, but her friend seemed surprised and emphasized the joy of holding the baby as her contribution. Feeling a mix of frustration and understanding for her friends' excitement, the user wonders whether she's being unreasonable to expect more than just baby cuddles from them.

The Reddit thread is divided: some support her need for practical help, while others suggest she should appreciate her friends' intentions and find a middle ground. As the discussion unfolds, opinions vary on whether the user is right to set boundaries and ask for specific support or if she should be more accommodating of her friends' excitement.

Ultimately, the thread highlights the importance of clear communication and finding a balance that works for everyone involved.

Original Post

So I'm (29F) expecting my first baby in June, and my boyfriend Bradley plans to take a few weeks off to help out. I've had friends who have graciously offered help, but there's this one thing that has been bugging me.

They keep saying they'll 'help' by cuddling the baby, but I've made it clear that real help means cleaning, cooking, or doing laundry if they want visiting time. For background, I've always been independent and wanted things done a certain way.

I know having a baby will be a big adjustment, and having extra help with chores would be a huge relief. I've tried to communicate this to my friends subtly, but they keep emphasizing how excited they are to spend time with the baby.

Recently, I had a chat with my best friend, Amanda, who is really looking forward to cuddling the baby and spending time with us. I gently brought up the idea of helping around the house instead, but she seemed taken aback.

She mentioned how other friends were excited about holding the baby, and she felt that was her way of contributing. I understand that everyone is excited, but I can't help but feel a little frustrated.

It's not like I don't want them to enjoy baby cuddles, but I also need practical help. The last thing I want to do after a long day with a newborn is to cook dinner or do laundry.

So AITA for expecting my friends to provide real help with household chores instead of just wanting to cuddle the baby?

The Importance of Practical Support

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, emphasizes that practical support during postpartum is essential for new parents. She notes that while cuddling a newborn is delightful, the physical and emotional demands on a new mother can be overwhelming.

Dr. Bryson encourages friends to offer tangible help, like meal preparation or household chores, which can significantly alleviate stress. By addressing these needs, friends can create a supportive environment that allows the new mother to focus on bonding with her baby without feeling overwhelmed by daily responsibilities.

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A relationship expert explains that friends often struggle to understand the true needs of new parents, mistakenly believing emotional support suffices. According to research by Dr. John Gottman, emotional connection is important, but practical assistance plays an equally crucial role.

He suggests that friends initiate specific offers of help, such as grocery shopping or childcare, rather than waiting for the new parent to ask. This proactive approach can foster deeper connections and significantly ease the transition into parenthood.

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Setting Boundaries Effectively

Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, advises that new parents must learn to set boundaries with friends and family. She explains that many people want to help but may not know how, leading to misunderstandings.

Markham suggests being clear about what kind of help is needed. For example, letting friends know that cooking meals would be more beneficial than simply visiting to cuddle the baby can bridge the gap between intentions and actions. Clear communication can foster more meaningful support during this challenging time.

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Experts in maternal health, such as Dr. Harvey Karp, emphasize that the postpartum period is a time of significant adjustment. New parents often face physical recovery and emotional fluctuations, making practical help vital.

Dr. Karp recommends creating a 'support team' of friends who can rotate responsibilities, such as cooking, cleaning, or babysitting. This collaborative approach not only distributes the workload but also fosters community support, which is essential for a new mother’s well-being during the early weeks postpartum.

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We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

Overall, the transition to parenthood can be overwhelming, and the importance of practical help cannot be overstated. Experts like Dr. Bryson and Dr. Karp highlight that emotional support is crucial, but tangible assistance is equally vital for a smooth adjustment.

Encouraging friends to offer specific types of help, as well as setting clear boundaries, can significantly improve the postpartum experience. As new parents navigate this transformative phase, understanding the balance between emotional and practical support can make all the difference.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights a common struggle in friendships: the mismatch between intentions and actual needs.

While friends often want to provide emotional support through cuddling, the new parent’s request for practical help reflects a deeper psychological need for control and relief during a chaotic time.

Clear communication about specific needs is vital, as it not only sets boundaries but also fosters a more meaningful connection that can ease the transition into parenthood.