This Guy Uninvited His Fiancee's Family From The Wedding After They Ignored Her While Wedding Dress Shopping
Imagine going wedding dress shopping for your family and they do this...
While many parents claim that they love their children equally, sometimes it becomes clear that it isn't always the case. Sure, sometimes parents do just get along better with one child, but they definitely shouldn't make this have a huge impact on their relationship with others, and they should know when it is appropriate to treat their children equally.
But this story isn't just about favoritism, and them liking one child more than the other. This story is about the clear prioritization of one child over another when it is completely inappropriate to do so--in fact, this is perhaps the most inappropriate time to disrespect and ignore a child.
A man took to the “Am I The Asshole?” thread on Reddit to ask if he was in the wrong for uninviting his fiance's family from their wedding without consulting her. Which, at face value seems like an overreaction, and a clear overstepping of boundaries.
But, when you hear the reason why, and then consider that this kind of treatment has probably been happening all of their lives, it becomes pretty clear that is sad as it is some families do not have our best interests at heart, and because of that, they don't always need to be in our lives.
"AITA for uniting my fiancée's parents and sister from our wedding?"
Posted by u/Futuristic-Ad3000
Last week my fiancée had an appointment at a bridal store. Since her friends are all over the country for work or school and also because of pandemic protocols the appointment had to stay small so only her parents and sister went with her. My fiancée got home from the appointment in tears.She said when they got to the bridal store her sister was looking at dresses instead of paying attention to the appointment and then their parents especially their mother started looking with her and she started trying on dresses herself and then her parents bought her sister a dress. Her sister is single. Not engaged. The appointment was supposed to be for my fiancée but her sister took over and my fiancée didn't even get to try on a single dress. When we announced our engagement her parents said they couldn't help us with the wedding but we didn't ask or even expect them to. The dress they bought her sister was more then what our budget was for my fiancée's dress. And her sister isn't engaged or even in a relationship. Her parents called me a few hours later to 'warn' me my wife got emotional and dramatic at the appointment. I told them that both of them and her sister were no longer invited to the wedding because of their actions. Normally I wouldn't interfere with my fiancée's family and if she wanted to overrule me I would 100% support her but she was so upset when she got home from the appointment I felt I had to do something. It's been almost a week and my fiancée is ignoring her parents and sister's calls and texts and she hasn't said anything about re-inviting them even after I let her know it's up to her and I support her decision. Her parents and sister have been leaving me voicemails and texts saying I'm controlling, out of line, it's none of my business and they also accuse my fiancée of being emotional, overreacting and being mean to her sister and killing her fun. My fiancée is the least selfish person I have ever met and I don't think she's wrong for being upset at what happened at the appointment. My fiancée graduated medical school in 2019 and began a residency in internal medicine at a hospital in June 2019. We all know about the pandemic that hit less then a year later, it has been very hard, fraught and emotional for my fiancee and her colleagues. I don't know how they do it. Some days she cries a lot. My fiancée doesn't ask for much and while we are not having a big or expensive wedding come hell or high water I'm making sure she gets to be happy. I am furious at her parents and sister. They are my fiancée's only family and they should be supporting her. Was I wrong to uninvite them when I found out what happened? Does it make me the asshole if I did it without consulting my fiancée? Thank you for your input in my situation.So, what do we think? Who is in the wrong here?
Nta. Her parents are playing favoritism and the whole family sounds narcissistic and manipulative. Your fiancé deserves a wedding dedicated to her, not them. They seem like the type to wear white to the wedding and act confused when you’re upset.Favoritism within families can lead to significant psychological distress for those perceived as less favored. According to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, children who perceive favoritism often experience lower self-esteem and heightened feelings of inadequacy. This can strain sibling relationships and create long-term mental health issues.
Addressing these dynamics early on is crucial. Open communication about feelings and establishing equal affection can help mitigate these negative impacts, fostering healthier family relationships.
This isn't favoritism; it's being rotten, delusional people with no understanding of social queue's or reasonable behavior.OP your wife has been beaten down by her family. While I'm sure she is strong and capable in all other areas of her life, she's been conditioned to accept shitty treatment from them and she may need you to hold a hard line here about the family being disinvited. That's not being controlling, that's using your judgement to help your fiancee in the one area where everyone can agree she is vulnerable. Not her fault, it takes a while to shake this kind of conditioning, and given all the pressure she's under at work, she doesn't have the emotional bandwith to deal with the family stuff right now. The sister would probably show up wearing the wedding dress she didn’t need. I bet that if any man is crazy enough to marry her, she’ll want a new gown anyway He’s NTA.NTA. You defended your fiancée from her family gaslighting her and held your ground against them. You showed her (and them) that you support HER and will not be enabling or endorsing their manipulative behavior, nor can you be manipulated into turning on your soon to be wife.Good job, OP.Yeah, maybe this wedding will require security!
They seem like the type to wear white to the wedding and act confused when you’re upset.Actually, when I read that the sister ended up getting a dress, my first thought was "Oh no. She's going to show up to the wedding dressed as a bride, as in wedding dress, makeup whole thing, in order to get attention on herself." OP stand your ground. And hire security. Even though they are uninvited, they will defiantly show up, and the sister will definitely show up in that dress. And inform your family what happened and what you think they'll do. You need all the support you can get. Even if its 2000 miles away. NTA. Yes, you "overriden" your so, but sometimes our partners are not strong enough to deal with problems so we have to be strong for them. You disinvited them but let your so the door open to reinvite them, so all is ok on your side. Being the scapegoat of parents favouring a golden child may be hard and the one has often not enough power to withstand their abuse. You are a good partner. NTA, big chance that if you decide to invite them again that SIL shows up in the wedding dress.(OP) Futuristic-Ad3000
I didn't think of that until people here started bringing it up. I would have never thought anyone could be so rude but the actions at the appointment have opened my eyes. NTAThank you for protecting your fiancee. As long as she 100% agrees with your decision I'm with you.Once your fiancee feels able, she should contact her family to confirm that it's her decision.I just can't believe their behaviour. Did they think she was just going to try on the dresses herself since she was paying for it? What on earth did the consultant think?I hope she finds the dress of her dreams and you have a fabulous wedding and happy marriage.(OP) Futuristic-Ad3000
My fiancée said the saleswoman happily helped her sister because the dresses her sister was looking at were way more than our budget. The saleswoman was showing her sister fancier and pricier dresses because she would earn a higher commission and so we decided we won't be buying her dress their now. NTA I'm glad you're supporting your fiancée and took action when she probably didn't think she could. Who goes looking through wedding dresses for themselves at a finding/fitting they were invited to? Tacky, rude, selfish people, that's who. And the parents proved themselves amongst those ranks when they helped the sister and then bought the dress. The sister being single was just the crap icing on the crap cake, with the crap sprinkles of harassing you and your fiancée after you disinvited them.It is fairly safe to say that there isn't a lot of debate about who is in the wrong here. it really seemed like OP had his fiance's best interests at heart, and her family really seem to be the worst.
There are some things that are unforgivable, and favoritism between siblings is bad enough, but surely it's worse when it occurs at the same time as wedding dress shopping. This is one of those clear circumstances where all attention should be on one sibling, and that is obviously the sibling that is getting married, but these parents just don't seem to get it.
What do you think? Was OP right to uninvite them?
The Importance of Family Dynamics
Family dynamics play a pivotal role in individual self-esteem and relational health. Research shows that when family members ignore or dismiss a person's feelings, as seen in this wedding dress shopping scenario, it can lead to long-lasting emotional scars.
Dr. Judith L. Herman, a noted expert in trauma and recovery, emphasizes that relational trauma can undermine a person's self-worth and lead to complex interpersonal issues later in life.
It's essential to recognize how critical supportive family interactions are, especially during significant life events like weddings.
Conflict resolution strategies can be beneficial in situations where family dynamics become strained. Studies suggest that using 'I' statements to express feelings can help diffuse tensions during disagreements.
This technique allows individuals to communicate their needs without placing blame, fostering a more productive dialogue.
Encouraging open discussions about feelings and expectations can strengthen family bonds and improve mutual understanding.
Psychological Analysis
This scenario highlights the deep emotional wounds that familial neglect can inflict. When one partner feels unsupported by their family during major life events, it can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment, potentially straining the romantic relationship as well.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Research consistently shows that healthy family interactions are foundational for psychological well-being. According to a study published in the American Journal of Psychology, supportive family environments significantly contribute to resilience in the face of stress.
Impact of Parental Behavior on Relationships
The reactions of the fiancé in this scenario illustrate a common psychological response known as 'emotional withdrawal.' Research by Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that emotional neglect can trigger feelings of unworthiness in individuals, leading them to reassess their familial relationships.
Establishing boundaries with family members who exhibit favoritism can be vital. Practicing assertiveness and self-advocacy helps individuals reclaim their worth, leading to healthier emotional outcomes and strengthening their relationships with partners.
Healing Approaches & Techniques
Overall, the dynamics of favoritism and emotional neglect can have profound implications for individual mental health and relationship satisfaction. Research consistently highlights the importance of open communication and boundary-setting in mitigating these effects. As noted in studies on family dynamics, fostering an environment of equal support and recognition strengthens relationships and enhances overall well-being.
Addressing these issues proactively can lead to healthier interactions and greater emotional resilience, enabling individuals to navigate complex family landscapes more effectively.
