AITAH for Leaving Town for College and Refusing to Be a Dad?

In a recent Reddit post, a young man shared his story about getting a high school hookup pregnant and the ensuing complexities of their situation. At just 17, he found himself faced with the news of impending fatherhood, despite his adamant stance of not wanting to be a dad.

The post delves into the dynamics of the unplanned pregnancy, the rejection of fatherhood, and the subsequent fallout as the young man prepares to move away for college. The narrative unfolds with a series of events where the young father-to-be asserts his stance on not wanting to be involved in the child's life, despite the mother's requests for financial support and childcare.

As the story unravels, the community on Reddit offers varying perspectives and insights, highlighting legal implications such as potential child support obligations and the complexities of signing away parental rights. The thread showcases a range of opinions, advice, and even criticisms directed toward the young man, urging him to consider the legal and moral responsibilities that come with fatherhood.

The engagement in the comments section reflects a mix of empathy, criticism, and practical advice, underscoring the multifaceted nature of the situation at hand. The ongoing debate raises questions about accountability, parental obligations, and the challenges of navigating unexpected parenthood at a young age.

Original Post

I got my high school hookup, “Lily,” pregnant when we were both 17 (I’m 18 now). She told me she was on the pill and, like the stupid teen I am, I didn’t use a condom.

I don’t know if she lied about being on the pill or if her pregnancy was the 0.01%, but a month and a half later, Lily and her parents showed up on my doorstep. She was crying happy tears and had a positive pregnancy test in her hands.

Her parents were glaring daggers. We had a sit-down conversation with all our parents to talk about what we were going to do.

I was adamant that I did not want to be a dad. I wasn’t (and still am not, to be honest) ready to be a dad, and I practically begged her to get an abortion.

My parents even offered to pay for it (with the expectation that I would pay them back in the future), but Lily refused to end the pregnancy. I said that was fine, but I wouldn’t be attending the birth or signing any papers.

If she wants a baby, that’s fine, but I don’t. Since Lily gave birth, she’s continually asked me for money and to watch the baby.

I have refused each time because I never asked to be a dad, and that baby is not my responsibility. I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion.

I didn’t meet “my” son (despite Lily’s efforts) until a week ago. Anyway, I’ve been accepted into an out-of-state college and will be moving to my new city very soon.

I held a garage sale to get rid of my old junk (with my parents’ permission) and made a social media post about it. I guess one of Lily’s friends was still following me and told her because Lily showed up at the garage sale with the baby and called me every name in the book because I was “abandoning” her and the baby by moving away for college.

I tried to explain, for what has to be the millionth time, that I don’t want to be a dad. She just kept yelling, and eventually, my parents asked her to leave the property and threatened to call the cops for trespassing.

She then left. The thing is, if I called off my college plans now, my life would pretty much be over.

I don’t want to stay in the same podunk town for the rest of my life because of a baby I never wanted and who isn’t even legally mine. Still, my parents are pressuring me to at least try to build a relationship with Lily and the baby when I’m home on break (probably because my older sister is a childfree lesbian and Lily’s baby is their only biological grandchild).

I don’t want to build any relationship because I don’t want to be a f*****g dad! I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that, but everyone from my parents to random kids I haven’t spoken to in years has been badgering me nonstop to get involved in the baby’s life.

AITAH? Edit: Alright, alright, y’all can stop telling me that I don’t know how the law works; clearly, I’ve got the message.

I’m going to talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights; clearly, my cursory Google search wasn’t enough. I’m going to college for engineering, not law; give me a break.

Psychological Impact of Leaving Home

Transitioning to college is one of the most significant life changes a young person can face. According to research conducted by the American Psychological Association, this stage of life often triggers increased anxiety and identity exploration.

When someone chooses to leave their hometown, especially for college, they may be grappling with complex feelings of independence, responsibility, and familial expectations. This internal conflict can lead to feelings of guilt or shame, particularly when it involves leaving behind family obligations or relationships.

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Furthermore, social psychology studies indicate that young adults often experience a phenomenon called 'emerging adulthood,' where they redefine their identities separate from familial ties. This process is crucial for personal development, yet it can create tension, especially in situations where family members hold differing expectations.

In this case, the individual’s desire for autonomy clashes with their parents' expectations, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and confusion about their role in the family dynamic.

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Addressing Family Expectations

Family dynamics play a significant role in shaping one's decisions and emotional responses. Research from the field of family psychology highlights that navigating the expectations of parents can be a significant source of stress for young adults.

When faced with pressure to fulfill familial roles, it’s essential for individuals to communicate their needs clearly. Strategies such as open dialogue and setting healthy boundaries can help alleviate some of this stress.

Moreover, seeking support from peers or counseling can provide the emotional backing needed to handle these pressures effectively.

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As young adults face the challenges of transitioning to college, they often encounter the need for self-advocacy. Developing assertiveness skills can empower them to express their desires and boundaries without guilt.

Studies show that assertiveness training can lead to improved self-esteem and reduced anxiety in interpersonal relationships, helping individuals articulate their needs without compromising their mental health.

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The Role of Personal Responsibility

It’s also important to recognize that personal responsibility is a key component of adulthood. Emerging adults must navigate their choices and the consequent consequences, which can include decisions related to relationships and family obligations.

Research published in developmental psychology journals emphasizes that taking ownership of one’s decisions fosters resilience and a sense of agency, crucial for emotional well-being.

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Ultimately, the decision to leave for college while managing family expectations is complex. It requires a balance between pursuing one's aspirations and maintaining relationships with family.

Therapeutic interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral strategies, can assist individuals in reframing their thoughts about family expectations, helping them to see their choices through a lens of empowerment rather than obligation.

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How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects the common struggle between individual desires and familial obligations, a conflict often seen in emerging adulthood. It’s essential to recognize that wanting to pursue one's goals while feeling pressured by family is a normal part of this developmental stage.

Encouraging open communication with family members while also seeking personal growth can help in navigating these complex dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research supports the idea that leaving home for college can be both liberating and challenging. As young adults navigate these transitions, understanding the psychological implications of their choices becomes crucial.

According to studies from developmental psychology, the process of defining one's identity while addressing familial expectations can lead to significant personal growth, ultimately fostering healthier relationships.