AITAH for Leaving Town for College and Refusing to Be a Dad?

He didn’t plan to become a dad at 18, but one bad night and a “trust me, I’m on the pill” situation turned his life into a nonstop family drama. Now he’s trying to move on with college, and Lily is showing up like it’s still high school, minus the protection and plus a baby.

The messy part is how hard he tried to shut it down at the beginning. He begged Lily to get an abortion, his parents even offered to pay for it with strings attached, and he refused to attend the birth or sign anything. Years later, Lily is asking him for money and baby-watching, and when he posts a garage sale update, her friend tattles, leading to a full-on confrontation at his driveway.

And that’s when the “abandoning her” accusations collide with the fact that he’s literally just trying to leave town.

Original Post

I got my high school hookup, “Lily,” pregnant when we were both 17 (I’m 18 now). She told me she was on the pill and, like the stupid teen I am, I didn’t use a condom.

I don’t know if she lied about being on the pill or if her pregnancy was the 0.01%, but a month and a half later, Lily and her parents showed up on my doorstep. She was crying happy tears and had a positive pregnancy test in her hands.

Her parents were glaring daggers. We had a sit-down conversation with all our parents to talk about what we were going to do.

I was adamant that I did not want to be a dad. I wasn’t (and still am not, to be honest) ready to be a dad, and I practically begged her to get an abortion.

My parents even offered to pay for it (with the expectation that I would pay them back in the future), but Lily refused to end the pregnancy. I said that was fine, but I wouldn’t be attending the birth or signing any papers.

If she wants a baby, that’s fine, but I don’t. Since Lily gave birth, she’s continually asked me for money and to watch the baby.

I have refused each time because I never asked to be a dad, and that baby is not my responsibility. I fulfilled my responsibility when my parents offered to pay for an abortion.

I didn’t meet “my” son (despite Lily’s efforts) until a week ago. Anyway, I’ve been accepted into an out-of-state college and will be moving to my new city very soon.

I held a garage sale to get rid of my old junk (with my parents’ permission) and made a social media post about it. I guess one of Lily’s friends was still following me and told her because Lily showed up at the garage sale with the baby and called me every name in the book because I was “abandoning” her and the baby by moving away for college.

I tried to explain, for what has to be the millionth time, that I don’t want to be a dad. She just kept yelling, and eventually, my parents asked her to leave the property and threatened to call the cops for trespassing.

She then left. The thing is, if I called off my college plans now, my life would pretty much be over.

I don’t want to stay in the same podunk town for the rest of my life because of a baby I never wanted and who isn’t even legally mine. Still, my parents are pressuring me to at least try to build a relationship with Lily and the baby when I’m home on break (probably because my older sister is a childfree lesbian and Lily’s baby is their only biological grandchild).

I don’t want to build any relationship because I don’t want to be a f*****g dad! I don’t get what’s so hard to understand about that, but everyone from my parents to random kids I haven’t spoken to in years has been badgering me nonstop to get involved in the baby’s life.

AITAH? Edit: Alright, alright, y’all can stop telling me that I don’t know how the law works; clearly, I’ve got the message.

I’m going to talk to an attorney and sign away my parental rights; clearly, my cursory Google search wasn’t enough. I’m going to college for engineering, not law; give me a break.

Psychological Impact of Leaving Home

Transitioning to college is one of the most significant life changes a young person can face.

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Comment from u/Sassrepublic

Lily’s friend clocked the garage sale post, and suddenly Lily was at the property with the baby, calling him every name in the book.

Furthermore, social psychology studies indicate that young adults often experience a phenomenon called 'emerging adulthood,' where they redefine their identities separate from familial ties. This process is crucial for personal development, yet it can create tension, especially in situations where family members hold differing expectations.

In this case, the individual’s desire for autonomy clashes with their parents' expectations, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and confusion about their role in the family dynamic.

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Addressing Family Expectations

Family dynamics play a significant role in shaping one's decisions and emotional responses.

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OP kept repeating that he never wanted to be a dad, even though Lily brought her baby to the confrontation and refused to hear it.

As young adults face the challenges of transitioning to college, they often encounter the need for self-advocacy.

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It’s also important to recognize that personal responsibility is a key component of adulthood.

It also echoes the AITA about asking parents to pay rent during their extended stay.

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His parents stepped in, threatened to call the cops for trespassing, and escorted Lily off the property like this wasn’t their first rodeo.

Ultimately, the decision to leave for college while managing family expectations is complex. It requires a balance between pursuing one's aspirations and maintaining relationships with family.

Therapeutic interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral strategies, can assist individuals in reframing their thoughts about family expectations, helping them to see their choices through a lens of empowerment rather than obligation.

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How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

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The whole fight flips the moment OP realizes he’s about to start out-of-state college while Lily is still treating him like he owes her everything.

The narrative of leaving home for college often embodies a duality of liberation and challenge. In this case, the young man's decision to prioritize his education over fatherhood reflects a critical moment of self-assertion at a pivotal age. As he grapples with the complexities of his situation, it is evident that this transition is not merely about physical relocation but also about the psychological journey of defining his identity separate from familial expectations.

This young man’s choice to step away from the responsibilities of fatherhood signals a profound moment of personal growth. It showcases the importance of making choices that align with one’s values and aspirations, suggesting that such decisions can ultimately lead to healthier relationships both with oneself and others. His story resonates with many young adults who find themselves at crossroads where their personal ambitions clash with societal norms and expectations.

He might be trying to start a normal life, but Lily’s showing up to block the exit.

Want another boundary fight like your doorstep pregnancy bomb, check out the friend who tried to stay rent-free.