Man Agrees to Financially Support Girlfriend During Med School; Now He’s Considering Pulling Out After Their Unexpected Breakup
“I can’t keep doing that since we aren’t together anymore.”
Living with a partner can be a wonderful adventure: there are highs and lows, and let’s not forget all those wonderful shared memories. However, as one Redditor soon discovered, it can also be a journey of self-discovery.
A year had zoomed by since our narrator (Original Poster) began cohabiting with his girlfriend, and they’d been through quite a lot together. He recently landed a new job, and she saw this as a perfect opportunity to resume chasing her passion—med school.
It wasn’t going to be an easy transition. It involved downsizing from a two-income household to just one, but OP was fully supportive.
He worked out a budget for bills and then set aside a little monthly allowance for each of them. As typical lovebirds, this ‘allowance’ usually went towards gifts for each other or dates; it was truly the stuff of fairy tales.
However, their love story came crashing down when she insisted on tapping the brakes on their romantic journey. Why? You see, OP was recently diagnosed with BPD and ADHD, which greatly impacted their relationship.
His girlfriend had given as much support as she could, but there was only so much one person could take—and OP understood that. They both agreed he needed time to work on his mental health, but he really hoped they could remain friends through the process. That left just one problem—their financial arrangement.
While OP was okay with continuing to pay for her essentials, he didn’t think he needed to give her an “allowance” anymore. Considering they previously had an agreement, was it fair for her to pull out now that they were no longer together?
The Story in Detail
Reddit.comA Bit of Background
Reddit.comFinancial Dynamics in Relationships
Research in financial psychology indicates that money can be a significant source of stress in relationships, particularly when expectations and commitments are not aligned.
Studies show that financial disagreements are among the leading causes of relationship breakdowns, often reflecting deeper issues of trust and communication.
For Context: OP is Battling Bipolar Disorder with ADHD
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OP’s Girlfriend Broke Up with Him Due to His Attitude. She Insisted That They Work on Their Friendship Before Considering Getting Back Together as a Couple
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Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, suggests that discussions surrounding money should be approached with transparency and empathy to avoid misunderstandings.
According to his research, couples who practice open dialogues about their financial situations tend to experience less anxiety and tension regarding money-related issues.
Implementing regular financial check-ins can help partners stay aligned and address any concerns proactively.
While OP Wants to Uphold Their Financial Agreement, He Feels That Some Tweaks Need to Be Made Since They Are No Longer a Couple
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We Gathered the Highest Upvoted Reactions from the Reddit Community:
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Navigating Emotional Attachments
Emotional attachments can complicate financial commitments in relationships. The end of a romantic relationship often brings feelings of betrayal and loss, which can lead to reconsideration of financial obligations.
Studies show that individuals may feel guilt or resentment when financial support continues post-breakup, especially if the relationship dynamics have shifted dramatically.
“NTA, Dump Everything Except for Feeding the Dog. That Agreement Was When You Were in a Relationship, Which You Currently Are Not.”
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“NTA with the Caveat That You Should Really Sit Down and Reset Expectations Together Now That You're Broken Up.”
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To navigate these emotional complexities, it’s essential for individuals to establish clear boundaries regarding financial support after a breakup.
Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships emphasizes the importance of setting timelines and conditions for financial assistance, allowing both parties to move forward more easily.
“NTA and I Think You Are Covering Too Much. You Two Need to Disentangle Yourselves.”
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“NTA. It's Your Money, Dude. You Don't Owe Her Pocket Change.”
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Redditors offered a mixed bag of advice, but one thing stood clear: OP wasn’t the a**hole here. First things first, he was advised to clarify the exact status of the relationship and then set financial boundaries accordingly.
Even then, most still advocated for a clean financial break, hinting at the possibility that she might use the ‘on a break’ card to keep receiving financial support.
Would she pay him back after she finishes school and gets a good job? No one knows. Ultimately, it's up to OP to decide what's best.
We’d love to get your thoughts on this story. Join the conversation in the comments.
“I Suppose She Is Not Planning on Paying You Once She Gets a Well-Paid Job, Is She?”
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“Bud, She's Got You Gaslit Good. She Chose to Be Single; Let Her Be Single.”
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The Role of Communication
Effective communication is vital in any relationship, particularly in navigating the aftermath of a breakup.
Experts recommend that both parties discuss their feelings candidly, which can help clarify expectations and alleviate feelings of resentment.
Engaging in honest conversations about finances can lead to mutual understanding and pave the way for more amicable resolutions.
Psychological Analysis
This situation illustrates the emotional weight that financial commitments can carry in relationships.
When a relationship ends, it’s natural to reassess the viability of continuing any financial support, especially if feelings of resentment arise.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
In conclusion, understanding the interplay between emotions and financial commitments can help individuals navigate the complexities of relationships.
Research highlights the importance of open communication and boundary-setting, which can significantly alleviate stress and promote healthier interactions.
By addressing financial concerns transparently, individuals can foster mutual respect and understanding, even in the aftermath of a breakup.
