Am I Wrong for Having Different Expectations for My Working Daughters?

Discover a parent's dilemma in setting different expectations for two adult daughters - one working tirelessly, the other considering a career change - sparking a debate on favoritism.

Damjan

Published in Interesting
11 Oct 2025

Am I Wrong for Having Different Expectations for My Working Daughters?

Are you the "Asshole" for setting different expectations for your daughters? This Reddit post delves into a family dynamic where two adult daughters, Maya and Eva, are treated differently based on their workloads and responsibilities.

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Maya, who works over 50 hours a week juggling multiple jobs, receives more support from her parents compared to Eva, who works part-time and is considering a career change due to burnout from nursing school. The parents assist Maya with chores like laundry and pet care while expecting Eva to manage her own responsibilities.

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The Reddit community provides varied opinions on the situation, with some calling out the parents for showing favoritism towards Maya and lacking empathy towards Eva's burnout. Others argue that different circumstances warrant different levels of support and that it's reasonable to assist Maya more due to her demanding schedule.

The discussion highlights the complexities of parenting adult children and the importance of fairness and understanding in family relationships. As the comments unfold, users offer insights into the potential long-term impacts of favoritism and the need for open communication and equal treatment within the family.

The thread prompts reflection on parenting approaches, sibling dynamics, and the balance between support and fostering independence in adult children.

Original Post

I have 2 daughters, Maya (27) and Eva (23). Maya got associates degrees in child development, music education, and psychology and takes classes part time in special education and school administration to get extra certifications.

Eva completed nursing school a few months ago. They both live at home to save money.

Maya works a minimum of 50 hours a week. She’s a nanny to a single mom that works as a nurse, so one week she works from 6am-9pm 3 days a week then the next week she does the same hours 4 days a week.

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She also teaches ballet and music classes at a couple local schools. When she works back to back shifts at her nanny job she tends to sleep there so she doesn’t have to leave the house by 5:30.

Eva is burnt out from nursing school so she only works 20 hours a week at a clinic. She works from 9-1 then goes home.

She’s considering quitting all together and going back to school for cosmetology. Since Maya works so much, if she starts a load of laundry before work, my wife and I have no problem transferring it to the dryer and folding it for her.

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Since Eva only works part time, she’s expected to be responsible for her own laundry. Another difference in expectations is with pet care.

Maya is not expected to walk or feed the dogs (a chihuahua mix and what my kids call “the mutt of all mutts”) and cat. Eva is expected to do so 3 days a week (Eva is also the one that asked for one of the dogs and the cat).

We also tend to do more favors for Maya (dropping off a meal at her work, picking up things for her, or making her a simple meal), especially on the days that she comes home from a 15 hour shift and the day she comes back from back to back shifts. Today we reminded Eva to take her clothes out of the dryer before she goes out (she has a habit of starting the washing machine and dryer before going out with friends for hours overnight) and she said that we do Maya’s laundry so we shouldn’t have a problem doing hers too.

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I told her it’s very different doing it for her sister, who works 15 hours a day, and doing it for her when she’s just going out with friends. Now she’s mad about favoritism because Maya doesn’t take care of the pets or pay her car insurance (she uses her car for work so her boss covers her insurance).

My wife always had a habit of giving in to her so now she’s saying we should be harder on Maya because if Eva can handle these responsibilities, so can she. I still think it’s understandable to help the daughter that is working 15 hours a day, plus 20-30 minutes commute but not feel that the one that works 20 hours a week needs the same level of help.