Am I Wrong for Holding My Wife to Our Agreement?

AITA for enforcing an agreement with my stepdaughter that led to her being left out on her birthday, causing conflict with my wife and cutting ties with her?

Damjan

Published in Interesting
11 Oct 2025

Am I Wrong for Holding My Wife to Our Agreement?

Are you ready for a family drama that's sure to stir up some intense reactions? Picture this: a stepdad, a daughter, and a wife caught in the middle of a tangled web of agreements, relationships, and hurt feelings.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

The Reddit post that sparked a heated debate revolves around a stepfather who feels betrayed by his stepdaughter's actions after all the love, care, and financial support he provided over the years. The stepdaughter, in turn, chose a new relationship over her family and academic commitments, leading to a clash of values and priorities within the household.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

The stepdad, feeling slighted and unappreciated, decided to enforce a strict agreement he had made with his stepdaughter regarding her living arrangements during her university years. This decision ultimately led to a standoff between him and his wife, resulting in a rift that seems irreparable.

The Reddit community weighed in with a resounding judgment of "YTA" (You're The A**hole), criticizing the stepdad for prioritizing control and punishment over understanding and compassion. Many commenters highlighted the importance of maintaining open communication, setting aside pride, and fostering a safe and supportive environment for the young adult stepdaughter, especially if she finds herself in a potentially harmful relationship.

Original Post

My wife (45) and I (45) have 2 bio children and she has 1 daughter (SD23) from a previous relationship. I raised SD as my own as bio Dad abandoned them both as soon as he found out about the pregnancy and for 16 years I raised her as my own.

She had every opportunity I could afford to give and if I couldn't afford it I borrowed money for her to have the opportunity. When she turned 18 she wanted to go to University and stay at home so I told her as long as University was her priority she could stay at home rent free to study.

I even agreed that if she got a part time job she wouldnt need to pay any rent as long as it didnt interfere with University. Everything was fine until her 3rd year when SD got into a new relationship and suddenly Uni and her family were completely abandoned for this new relationship.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Both my wife and I agreed that what SD was telling us about the new relationship was troubling. SD was listing red flag after red flag and completely ignoring us when she was asking for our advice.

Her abandoning of her studies led to us telling her she had to make a choice, prioritise Uni, stop seeing new partner as much and continue living at home rent free until she graduated or she would have to start paying rent. She chose to stay at home rent free but then lied to both of us about how often she was seeing the new partner.

When we found out we confronted her she agreed again to staying at home rent free. After she finished University we found out that she had been telling us lies about the new partner.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

All these red flags she was detailing were lies to cover up the fact she was far more into the relationship than the new partner and she just desperately wanted to be with the partner more than anything else. Many arguments and conflicts later SD moved out with new partner, caused an argument with me and told me I was not welcome in her home.

I told my wife that actions have consequences and if Im not welcome in SD new home she isnt welcome in my home. My wife agreed.

Fast forward 9 months and SD has cut me out of her life, had almost no contact with my wife or her 2 brothers. I havent stopped or objected to her spending time with them nor have I commented on the fact SD has cut them all out of her life.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

Ive literally not said a single word. It was my wife's birthday last week and SD sent a very short "happy birthday" text message.

Nothing else at all. 7 days later it was SD birthday and my wife wanted her to come to our home to see her.

I reminded my wife that SD was not welcome in our home and if she insisted on having her come to our home she would not be welcome inside. I reminded her that she agreed to that and it wasnt my fault this was happening.

[ADVERTISEMENT]

So SD spent the time on the doorstep and wife is no longer speaking to me. So my question is.

AITA for making my wife stick to an agreement like this?