Am I Wrong for Putting Our Daughter to Bed Instead of Waiting Up for Husbands Call?

A 3-year-old’s bedtime turned into a full-blown marital debate when OP’s husband called from Seattle at 11 pm Boston time and seemed annoyed that their daughter was already asleep.

He’d warned he couldn’t promise an exact call time because work was chaotic, but when he finally reached her, he wanted to see his daughter and got short when OP said it was bedtime. OP explained she had no idea when he would call, even though she’d given their daughter a nap earlier. Then the argument carried into the next day, with OP feeling guilty, him feeling “on edge,” and both of them stuck on who was responsible for the timing.

Here’s the part that makes it messy, he later apologized after he finally got a calm, uninterrupted 15 to 20 minutes with their daughter.

Original Post

Hi, I've been conflicted about this, since last night, I've been feeling guilty but also I'm not sure if I'm totally in the wrong so I wanted some perspective. My husband has had to go to Seattle this week due to work (we live in Boston, so he's 3 hours behind us).

He flew there on Sunday. He'd told me he'd call when he gets done with work and their post-work lunch.

He couldn't give a fixed time because apparently there's been some transition or acquisition happening, it's been hectic for him, so he doesn't know when the day will end for him. He called me around 11 pm EST.

We talked for a while I asked how his day had been he said it had been a long one. He then asked to see our daughter (she's 3).

I told him it was 11 here, she was asleep. He got a bit short with me, said he'd told me he was going to call, that I could have kept her up or given her a nap earlier.

I told him she had taken a short nap earlier but at 11, she goes to sleep regardless, and that I had no idea when he'd actually call.

This part stung me because they both are really close to each other, he adores her, and she too is a total daddy's girl. I again said I'm sorry but I had no idea when he would call, if he'd given me some sort of tentative time even that would've helped.

We kind of ended the call soon after. I've been thinking about this all day and been conflicted.

AITA? Adding this now: He just texted and said he meant to call during lunch break but got taken out by some executives for lunch.

He said he'll call when he gets done at 5 pm his time, so 8 pm ours. I told him that works great.

Last edit: So he talked to our daughter for a good 15-20 minutes, then we spoke too. He was definitely less on edge today than yesterday so I was just going to chalk up yesterday to a long day at work and move past it, but he brought it up and said he was sorry for being short with me yesterday.

I said it was all good. A sincere thanks for all your feedback I'd been feeling guilty and conflicted today and posting here and the responses helped.

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This is similar to the estranged father inheritance fight, where a spouse asks for a share for their family.

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That 11 pm call is where things go sideways, because OP is trying to be reasonable while he’s expecting the moment to line up perfectly with his schedule.

The tension spikes when he tells her she could have kept their daughter up or given her a nap earlier, even though he never gave a tentative time.

The next day, OP is still replaying the exchange, while he’s still thinking about it enough to bring it up again instead of letting it fade.

Once he texts that he’ll call at 5 pm his time, 8 pm Boston time, the situation finally gets a reset when he spends 15 to 20 minutes talking to their daughter.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

Now he’s wondering if being short was unfair, and OP is wondering if she really should have rearranged bedtime around a call she couldn’t predict.

Before you judge the “wait up for the husbands’ call” logic, see what happened when a restaurant refused delivery and tipping.