Am I Wrong for Refusing to Share Makeup with Friend Suffering from Eczema?

Navigating friendships can be tricky, especially when personal boundaries and hygiene come into play. A recent Reddit thread explores a situation where one user, caught off guard by a friend's request to borrow makeup, faced backlash for feeling uncomfortable about sharing their products during a party.

The friend, Becky, has eczema, and while the original poster (OP) understands that the condition is not contagious, they were unnerved by the idea of using makeup that may have come in contact with open sores. The OP's response to Becky’s request set off a chain reaction of reactions from their friends, who perceived the situation as judgmental and unkind.

Despite the OP's insistence that their hesitance stemmed from hygiene concerns rather than a negative view of eczema, the group dynamics shifted, leading to hurt feelings and unanswered questions. The thread has sparked a lively discussion about the complexities of sharing personal items, the nuances of hygiene, and the importance of communication in friendships.

As commenters weigh in, they touch on various perspectives, from the general unhygienic nature of sharing makeup to the emotional implications for those with skin conditions. This situation raises a critical question: how do we balance personal comfort with the feelings of our friends?

Let's dive into the conversation and see how others weigh in on this delicate dilemma.

Original Post

I have a friend, Becky, who has severe eczema. I don't really care about it, we h**g out, hug, and I know it's not contagious.

Last week we were going out for a party and we went over another friend's house to get dressed and dolled up. We sometimes swap clothes, no big deal, but I don't really let anyone use my make up not that I didn't want to but no one really asked me about it.

That day Becky asked if she could use my eyeshadow, I said sure. Then she asked to use my cake foundation.

It had a cushion applicator that you swipe/press on the cake to use. I was caught off guard and just said yes so she went to use it first.

Like I mentioned I know it's not contagious but she had some open breakouts and I was kinda grossed out using the applicator and cake itself, after she patted it on her face with open sores. Like I know I'm not gonna get it but I just can't with the sore fluids and all that, I think its unhygienic.

Even if she patted it dry, I can't help but feel grossed out. If she didn't have a breakout at the time, I most likely won't care.

So I ended up not using foundation at all. Only one friend asked me why, I didn't really say why I just said I didn't feel like it.

She made a big deal out of it saying I was judgmental and a bully because Becky's eczema grossed me out. I explained that's not true, and that it's more of a hygiene thing.

Now they're all upset at me for being prissy and should've just said not to use it. Again, I was caught off guard.

I was never asked to borrow my makeup, and I never really say no when it comes to sharing anything so I was on autopilot and said yes. Now I feel like an AH, because I was grossed out by it.

I don't care if it's eczema or not, but I feel like I shouldn't have to use someone that came in contact with anyone else's open wounds or plasma. I haven't spoken with any of them since Friday.

Hygiene and Skin Conditions

Dr. Sandra Lee, a renowned dermatologist known as Dr. Pimple Popper, emphasizes the importance of maintaining hygiene, especially for individuals with skin conditions like eczema.

She explains that sharing makeup can lead to the transfer of bacteria and irritants, potentially exacerbating skin issues.

For those with sensitive skin, avoiding shared products is a protective measure. Dr. Lee’s insights underline the necessity of personal boundaries in maintaining skin health, highlighting that each person’s skin reacts differently to products.

Comment from u/Apprehensive_Sir4005

Comment from u/Odd-End-1405

Comment from u/AnneShurely

Relationship experts stress that boundaries are vital in friendships and can often be overlooked. Many friends might not realize that sharing personal items, like makeup, can trigger discomfort or health concerns.

Establishing clear communication about these boundaries can help minimize misunderstandings.

Moreover, experts suggest having a discussion about each person's comfort levels regarding shared items before such situations arise, promoting openness and mutual respect in the friendship.

Comment from u/Unhappy-Prune-9914

Comment from u/day-gardener

Comment from u/Swirlyflurry

Understanding Eczema

Dr. Leana Wen, a public health expert, notes that eczema is a chronic skin condition characterized by dry, itchy skin. For those affected, the wrong products can lead to flare-ups and discomfort.

Sharing makeup can introduce potential allergens or irritants, which is why individuals with eczema often take precautions to avoid such risks.

Understanding these nuances can foster empathy in friendships while respecting each other's health concerns.

Dr. Leana Wen advocates for awareness and sensitivity in these situations.

Comment from u/Realistic-Pin-4617

Comment from u/moontari

Comment from u/EfficiencyForsaken96

To manage situations involving personal product sharing, experts recommend establishing a 'no sharing' rule among friends, especially regarding hygiene-sensitive items.

This can be done through a light-hearted conversation that emphasizes personal care rather than rejection. Additionally, offering alternatives, such as gifting a small product or suggesting a visit to a store, can be a friendly way to navigate the situation without hurt feelings.

By proactively setting these boundaries, friends can maintain their relationship while respecting each other's health and comfort.

Comment from u/persephone-456

Comment from u/Optimal_Movie_9327

Comment from u/MucinexDM_MAX

Navigating Social Situations

Social psychologist Dr. Susan David emphasizes the importance of emotional agility in navigating interpersonal dilemmas like this one.

She suggests that being honest about discomfort is essential for healthy relationships. Acknowledging personal boundaries can actually strengthen friendships rather than weaken them.

Dr. David encourages individuals to express their feelings and reasons clearly, which can help others understand and respect their choices. This approach fosters deeper connections and promotes mutual respect in friendships.

Dr. Susan David

Comment from u/Current_Equal7797

Comment from u/Guilty-Company-9755

Comment from u/Cracker_Bites

In a broader context, communication plays a crucial role in friendships. Experts highlight that misunderstandings often arise from unspoken expectations or assumptions.

To improve future interactions, it's beneficial to establish an open dialogue about each other's comfort levels regarding personal items.

Being proactive in discussing boundaries helps to avert potential conflicts and ensures that both friends feel valued and understood in their choices.

Such strategies can lead to healthier friendships and minimize unnecessary discomfort.

Comment from u/realshockvaluecola

Comment from u/nalgona-aly

Comment from u/UsagisBuns

The Role of Empathy

Empathy is a cornerstone of successful relationships, according to Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher.

He asserts that understanding a friend’s perspective, especially regarding health issues, can help maintain harmony.

In this scenario, it would be beneficial for both parties to express their feelings openly. By sharing and listening, they can navigate the emotional landscape better, ultimately strengthening their friendship.

Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that empathy can turn misunderstandings into opportunities for connection.

Comment from u/EffectiveGold8273

Comment from u/That_Bee_Baker

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Expert Opinion

In this scenario, the original poster’s hesitation to share makeup stems from a natural concern for hygiene, which is quite common in social situations involving personal items. It's fascinating how quickly group dynamics can shift; the backlash they received highlights the complexities of communication and empathy in friendships—where one person's boundaries can be perceived as judgment by others. Ultimately, this situation emphasizes the importance of openly discussing comfort levels and personal boundaries to avoid misunderstandings and maintain healthy relationships.

Analysis & Recommendations

Understanding personal boundaries in friendships is essential to maintaining healthy relationships. Experts like Dr. Sandra Lee and Dr. Susan David highlight the importance of hygiene and empathy when it comes to sensitive topics like sharing makeup.

By fostering open communication about such boundaries and showing understanding for each other's health concerns, friendships can thrive. Ultimately, prioritizing personal comfort and health can lead to more profound connections, allowing individuals to support each other better while respecting personal choices.