Am I Wrong for Wanting to Attend Prenatal Appointments Alone After Partners Past Mistake?

A 28-year-old man expecting his first kid with his partner hit a wall before the first due-date check-in. His partner is thrilled to do prenatal appointments together, but he cannot get past what happened years ago when she had a brief affair in college.

He says the past mistake still sits in the back of his mind, even though they fought through the fallout and stayed together. Now, when prenatal visits come up, he wants to attend them alone, basically because being in that room with her feels too close to old pain and broken trust.

And now the question is not just about appointments, it is about who gets to feel safe during the most emotional months of their lives.

Original Post

I'm (28M) and my partner (26F) are expecting our first child. When my partner was in college, she had a brief affair with a classmate.

She deeply regrets it, and we went through a rough patch but managed to work through it. However, it's always been at the back of my mind.

Recently, my partner expressed her excitement about attending the prenatal appointments together. This brought up all those feelings from the past, and I've told her I want to attend them alone as I'm still dealing with trust issues related to the affair.

She's hurt and thinks I'm being unfair, but I can't shake off the unease. Am I the jerk here?

So AITA?

The Heart of the Conflict

This situation strikes at the core of how past traumas can haunt present relationships. The OP's decision to attend prenatal appointments alone stems from a profound lack of trust that was instigated by their partner's past infidelity. The irony here is palpable; while the partner is eager to share this pivotal journey of parenthood together, the OP's emotional scars are preventing that unity.

This tension resonates with many readers who’ve experienced similar struggles. It raises the question: can you truly move on from a partner’s mistakes, or do they forever color your perception of the relationship? The community's responses likely reflected this divide, with some advocating for forgiveness and others emphasizing the importance of self-protection against betrayal.

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When he told her he wanted to go solo to prenatal appointments, her excitement instantly turned into hurt and accusations of unfairness.

That college affair, the one she regrets, keeps resurfacing every time “together” comes up, even though they already rebuilt after the rough patch.

This is a lot like the expectant parent who wanted to skip birthing classes due to pregnancy anxiety.

Trust and Vulnerability

The OP's choice to exclude their partner from prenatal appointments reveals a profound vulnerability in relationships where trust has been broken. Attending these appointments is not just about medical check-ups; it symbolizes emotional support and shared joy. By opting for solitude, the OP risks further alienating their partner during a crucial time, potentially leading to resentment and isolation.

This dilemma strikes a chord with readers because it highlights a universal truth: emotional wounds can complicate even the most joyous life events. The community's divided reactions likely stem from differing opinions on how to navigate trust issues. Should the OP prioritize their emotional comfort, or should they confront their feelings for the sake of their growing family? It’s a tough call that many can relate to in their own lives.

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While she sees these visits as shared support and joy, he experiences them like a reminder that trust can break and never fully unbreak.

By the time readers weigh in on his request to attend alone, the whole situation becomes about whether his boundary protects him or pushes her away at the worst possible time.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Where Things Stand

This story ultimately underscores the complexities of blending past hurts with future hopes. The OP’s struggle with attending prenatal appointments alone encapsulates a broader discussion about trust, vulnerability, and the emotional labor involved in relationships. As readers reflect on this situation, they might wonder: how do we balance self-preservation with the need for connection, especially in pivotal moments like bringing a new life into the world?

Why This Matters

The OP's decision to attend prenatal appointments alone speaks volumes about how deeply past betrayals can impact present relationships. His struggle with trust, stemming from his partner's college affair, understandably clouds what should be a shared, joyous experience. While she hopes to celebrate this milestone together, his emotional scars keep him from fully engaging, which could alienate her further during such a crucial time. This situation highlights the delicate balance between self-protection and fostering connection in relationships, especially when new life is on the horizon.

Nobody should be forced to play “fine” during prenatal visits, but his partner also deserves a real reason that does not feel like punishment.

Still debating prenatal support, check out the dad who demanded his partner skip work for prenatal appointments.