Pregnant Mom Doesn't Want Her Disabled Autistic Friend Staying Over, Seeks Advice On Ways To Go About It

A 28-year-old mom-to-be is trying to recover in peace, but her disabled autistic friend keeps pushing to stay over right after the baby is born. And OP is not being subtle anymore.

Here’s the messy part: OP plans to arrive less than two weeks after delivery, she’s already had to send a long, blunt message, and she’s worried her friend’s needs will turn her homecoming into nonstop caretaking and emotional labor. The friend likely means well, but OP feels trapped between being kind and protecting her own recovery.

Now the question is whether OP’s “please don’t come” is rude, or the only way to survive those first brutal weeks.

The OP kicks off her story

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She is planning to arrive less than 2 weeks after the baby is born

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The OP has had to be more blunt and sent her friend a long message

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OP’s plan to show up at home under two weeks postpartum is what makes the friend’s visit feel impossible, not just inconvenient.

The pregnant mother's desire to limit her friend's visits highlights the importance of setting boundaries in relationships, particularly when personal circumstances change.

Research in relational psychology emphasizes that establishing boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being.

In this case, the mother may feel overwhelmed by her pregnancy and concerned about the potential impact of her friend's needs on her own well-being.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I think bluntly saying “please don’t come” is an AH move for a friend who wants to help.

We've gathered some of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors for you to read through below

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It's about the OP and her baby

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What it's like to care for two small children

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That’s when OP had to get blunt, sending a long message instead of hoping the hints would finally land.

It’s like Amy’s pregnancy announcement party, where past conflict makes attendance complicated.

Additionally, the concept of emotional labor comes into play, as the mother may feel obligated to manage not just her needs, but also her friend's emotional needs, which can lead to fatigue.

Studies indicate that women, in particular, often shoulder the responsibility of emotional labor in friendships, which can lead to stress and resentment.

Recognizing this dynamic can help the mother articulate her feelings and needs more clearly.

Needing a big break to recover from a surgery

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It's unfortunate that OP's friend couldn't pick up the hints

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She won't be able to stay with the OP at all

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The comments start zeroing in on what it’s like caring for two small kids while also managing a friend’s emotional needs, and it gets real fast.

Communicating Needs Effectively

To navigate this situation successfully, it's crucial for the mother to communicate her feelings with honesty and empathy.

Using 'I' statements, such as 'I feel overwhelmed and need some space,' can help convey her feelings without placing blame on her friend.

The OP has to put her foot down and say it how it is

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It's not how it works after a baby

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According to this Redditor, there is no AH in the story

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By the time people weigh in on “communicating needs effectively,” OP is basically being told to put her foot down and say it clearly, no matter how it sounds.

Moreover, establishing a mutual understanding of each other's needs can foster a supportive environment during this transitional phase.

Encouraging open dialogue about how both friends can support each other can lead to a stronger bond and reduce feelings of resentment.

Studies show that friendships thrive on mutual understanding and support, particularly during challenging times.

All things considered, making friends with someone who has autism is fundamentally the same as creating any other kind of healthy relationship. It is predicated on mutual understanding and genuine connections that foster a sense of closeness, trust, and security. She was declared not the AH, and that's a wrap.

In the context of the article, the pregnant woman's desire to set boundaries regarding her autistic friend staying over highlights the complexities of friendship and personal circumstances. It is vital for her to articulate her feelings and needs while also considering her friend's perspective. This thoughtful dialogue can help ensure that both parties feel respected and understood during this transformative time.

Ultimately, by fostering an environment of understanding, the pregnant mother has the opportunity to strengthen her relationship with her friend while also prioritizing her own well-being and the needs of her growing family.

OP might not be the villain here, but she is absolutely trying to keep her first weeks with the baby from turning into a full-time caregiving shift.

Want another baby-related boundary fight, read about skipping a best friend’s baby shower due to fear of babies.