Balancing Work Social Events - AITA For Not Giving Up Office Outings

Some people don’t recognize a favor, and in this story, OP’s “just keeping up with work” is getting treated like a red flag. It all started after OP moved to a new team, where the vibe is less “head down, log off” and more “lunch together, then drinks, then bowling.”

OP is on a team that’s mostly women, with two men total, OP included. The partner is bothered that OP is spending time drinking and going out, and she keeps pushing back like the weekly office hangouts are somehow a personal betrayal, not coworkers bonding. OP says they’re work social events, they’re fun, and she will attend every one she can, but the tension keeps growing.

Here’s the full story.

Original Post

I have worked in my current job for just over two years, and a couple of months ago, I was rotated to a new team. My old team didn't really interact much.

We all got along well, but they preferred working from home, and we didn't have any social events or anything like that. My new team likes to meet in the office at least once a week, where we all go for lunch together; they like to organize social events, etc.

I really like my new team, and it's nice to have a more social aspect to work. The social events tend to be every 3-4 weeks and include activities like going for drinks, having a meal, bowling, etc.

They're really fun, and it's been nice for me to get to know my team better. My team is primarily made up of women.

There are two men, one of whom is me, and there's another who is a single dad, so he has only managed to attend one of the social events so far. There are four women; two of them are quite a bit older, one is about 8-10 years older than me, and one is quite close to my age.

My partner said she doesn't like the fact that I'm spending a lot of time drinking and going out with other women. I told her they're my colleagues, and it's nice to get to know them.

She just said she doesn't think I should be spending that much time out of work with women. I told her I'm not going to stop going to social events just because she isn't happy that my team is mainly women.

She said it's strange that they plan as many social events as they do and that I don't need to attend all of them, but I just told her I'd be going to all social events that I'm available for. AITA for attending work social events?

As individuals navigate the complexities of workplace relationships, the dynamics can be significantly influenced by social settings.

Comment from u/Individual_Ad_9213

Comment from u/Whole_Database_3904

The moment OP got rotated to the new team and started doing the weekly office lunch, the partner’s attitude changed fast.

Attachment styles play a crucial role in how partners react to social interactions outside of the relationship. Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that individuals with anxious attachment styles may experience heightened jealousy when their partner engages in social activities.

Recognizing these patterns can help couples communicate their needs more effectively and reduce misunderstandings.

Understanding the root of these feelings can be transformative for both partners.

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Comment from u/wesmorgan1

Open communication is essential for addressing concerns about social interactions.

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Comment from u/RumSoakedChap

When the team planned drinks, meals, and even bowling every 3 to 4 weeks, OP’s partner started clocking “how much time” OP was out.

It also echoes the wife questioning whether to critique her husband’s vegan cooking.

To mitigate tensions surrounding social events, couples can establish mutual agreements on boundaries.

Comment from u/makethatnoise

Comment from u/mileyxmorax

The argument really flared up when OP pointed out that the women are coworkers, and the partner doubled down that it’s “strange” to plan that many events.

Fostering Trust and Security

Trust is a fundamental component in navigating relationship dynamics. A study from the Journal of Family Psychology notes that trust can significantly impact relationship satisfaction.

Building trust involves consistent, honest communication and demonstrating reliability over time.

By fostering trust, partners can create a safe space for each other, allowing for healthy emotional expression.

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Comment from u/wesmorgan1

Additionally, recognizing that each partner has individual needs can promote understanding.

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Comment from u/Nicki-ryan

Now OP is sticking to the rule of attending every social event available, while the partner acts like the team’s mostly-women roster is the problem.</p>

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

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Comment from u/Longjumping_Win4291

Comment from u/Ok_Aioli3897

In navigating the complexities of work social events, open communication and mutual understanding are crucial.

OP’s not doing anything wrong at work, but their partner might be the one making it a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Before you decide what you owe friends, read the Reddit debate on refusing to lend money to a struggling friend.