Cultural Clash - Woman Shares How Her Bank Balance Is Affecting Her Relationship

Money means different things depending on how you were raised. In some families, it’s individual — what’s in your account is yours alone and adulthood means financial separation from your parents.

In other families, money is collective. It represents sacrifice, shared responsibility and an unspoken agreement that support flows both ways across generations.

When two people raised with those opposite beliefs decide to build a life together, conflict isn’t just about money — it’s about identity, loyalty and what “family” really means. OP grew up in an Asian household where there was no such thing as separate finances between parents and children.

The expectation was simple: they would take care of her while she was young and she would take care of them when they grow older. Because of that understanding, OP went to a state school nearby to avoid student loans and continued living at home after graduation.

Her parents covered rent, utilities and food so she could save most of her salary. Yes, the OP paid for some expenses when needed but largely, she was able to build substantial savings.

Even though the account is in her name, she has always considered that money to be her family’s savings — not just hers. OP's fiancé, who grew up in an Asian family in America, doesn’t see it that way.

When he saw OP's balance, he immediately made a suggestion that threw her off.

The OP writes...

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The reason the OP was able to save up was because there’s a mutual understanding

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Even though the money is the OP's account, she considered it as the family’s saving

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This is a place where the OP thinks she would be the AH because technically they are not married yet

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We've gathered some of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors for you to read through below

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Listening to what they expect fiscally

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That is incredibly presumptuous of him

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The OP left this edit behind...

Some people asked if he’s the man I want to marry, and frankly I’m thinking about the same thing nowadays. When we were dating, I told him upfront about my family dynamics and he told me he understood. He knew I had some money saved up and put aside, he just didn’t know how much. He just completely changed after the engagement, I honestly don’t know what happened to him.

They both need to be on the same page

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The engagement period can be stressful

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The OP needs to rethink the marriage

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Making payments on his student loans

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He has no right to ask for the money

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At its core, this isn’t just about student loans or a bank balance. It’s about what marriage means — and when loyalty shifts from the family that raised you to the family you’re building.

OP's fiancé sees partnership as full financial unity, but she sees boundaries shaped by culture, sacrifice, and long-standing promises. The OP's not refusing to support him out of selfishness; she's trying to honor the foundation that made her stability possible.

The real question isn’t whether OP should pay — it’s whether love requires rewriting everything she was raised to believe. The story got a "no AHs" verdict in the end.