Bartender Boyfriend Wants His Higher Income Girlfriend To Pick Up The Tab When They Go Out Because She Makes More Money Than Him

The stark difference in their incomes is causing friction in a young couple's relationship. The OP earns $70,000 annually, significantly more than her boyfriend.

He, on the other hand, works as a bartender. There are times when he doesn't work at all, but most weeks, he is scheduled to work for just four days.

OP's boyfriend is aware of how she achieved her stable financial state. She had a difficult upbringing and worked tirelessly to escape that situation.

She attended the most affordable college she could find and enrolled in a budget-friendly program. Although she wasn't passionate about her major, she knew it would lead to a stable job after graduation.

She worked so hard that she sustained several spinal injuries. When she finally graduated, she discovered that her boyfriend had been cheating on her.

He took their car and anything valuable from their apartment. It took several months for OP to recover from her surgery and the sudden financial loss she experienced.

She recently landed her current job and has been working on her financial safety net since then.

She has enough savings and earns enough to say she can live comfortably. Unfortunately, money is a sensitive topic between her and her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend says friends who earn significantly more should pay for meals when they dine out

u/wendiaster

OP doesn't think that's a good way to look at things. She said she was once in their position, so she doesn't see why she should carelessly spend her hard-earned money.

u/wendiaster

She told her boyfriend that expecting things from wealthier friends is entitled.

u/wendiaster

Financial Dynamics and Gender Roles in Relationships

This scenario reflects broader themes in financial dynamics and gender roles within relationships. Dr. Caroline Heldman, a gender studies expert, notes that traditional gender norms often dictate financial behaviors, leading to imbalances in contributions.

Her research indicates that when one partner earns more, it can create expectations that may not align with their values, leading to feelings of discomfort and tension.

She had to scrimp and save to prioritize her future. She shouldn't be expected to pay for people who haven't made similar sacrifices.

u/wendiaster

"Whatever," her boyfriend said. Just like that, the topic was shut down.

u/wendiaster

She also wanted Redditors to know that she pays for most meals when she and her boyfriend go out on dates. OP doesn't know if she said anything wrong.

u/wendiaster

According to studies published in the Journal of Family Psychology, financial disagreements are a common source of relationship strain. When one partner feels pressured to contribute more based on income, it can lead to feelings of resentment and imbalance.

This underscores the importance of navigating financial discussions with care and empathy.

Commenters called OP out for thinking that people who earn less are not working as hard as she does

Koorogane

OP said she understood and that when she made those comments, she was actually thinking of her boyfriend, who isn't applying himself as much as he should. As for splitting bills, we can see why OP has such strong feelings about it.

wendiaster

They also questioned why OP felt the need to include the backstory about her cheating ex-boyfriend who emptied their apartment.

jazzy3113

Understanding Emotional Responses to Financial Expectations

Emotional responses to financial expectations often stem from past experiences and conditioning. Dr. Michael Kimmel, a sociologist, emphasizes how societal norms around masculinity and femininity shape our financial behaviors.

His research shows that these norms can create internal conflicts, particularly when financial expectations clash with personal beliefs about equality and contribution.

OP said she felt it was necessary for context. She wanted to demonstrate that she worked hard for what she has and that she hasn't been financially stable for long.

wendiaster

Picking up the tab from time to time is a treat, not an expectation. Besides, if a friend agrees to go out, you have to assume they have the money to pay for their own food.

torbiefur

It definitely seems like OP is investing too much in this relationship, which enables her boyfriend to slack off.

wendiaster

To address these dynamics, couples should engage in open discussions about their financial philosophies and expectations. Exploring each partner's beliefs about money can pave the way for understanding and compromise.

Additionally, creating a joint budget can promote transparency and collaboration, allowing both partners to feel equally invested in their shared living situation.

In a healthy relationship, couples will inspire each other to work harder to achieve a common goal. That is not the case in OP's relationship.

SnoozeHesitations420

Her boyfriend probably feels strongly about OP footing the bill because it's what he has been accustomed to.

ValuableSeesaw1603

OP should consider being on her own for a while. It could be beneficial for her to be independent without the expectations that come with being in a relationship.

Backgrounding-Cat

OP sounds far too young to be anyone's sugar mommy. She and her boyfriend are adults—if she is capable of taking care of herself, why isn't he?

OP clearly knows her boyfriend isn't working as hard as he should, yet he has all of these expectations for her. He is getting more out of this relationship than she is.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities of financial expectations in relationships. When one partner feels pressured to take on more financial responsibility, it can lead to conflict and stress.

Encouraging open dialogue about financial contributions can help clarify expectations and lead to healthier dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Financial dynamics in relationships can be complex and influenced by societal norms and expectations. Establishing open communication around finances is essential for fostering understanding and equity in partnerships.

Ultimately, addressing these issues constructively can lead to healthier, more balanced relationships.