People Share How They Became Like Their Parents Despite Swearing They Never Would As Children

During our childhood, we tend to make bold declarations like "I will never do this" or "I will not become like my parents." We have grand expectations for our future selves and envision a life full of magic and adventure.

However, reality often doesn't align with our fantasies, and we may end up disappointing our younger selves. Among the most common things we swear off as kids are tobacco and alcohol, but many of us end up trying them as adults.

This is just one example of how our youthful aspirations may differ from our adult actions. An online user recently asked people what they had sworn they would never do as children but ended up doing anyway.

The responses varied, and some were more surprising than others. Nonetheless, many could relate to the stories shared.

This phenomenon is a testament to the fact that we evolve and change as we grow up, and our experiences shape us in ways we cannot anticipate. Our childhood declarations of what we will or will not do are not set in stone.

As we mature and encounter different situations, our priorities and attitudes may shift, leading us down unexpected paths. It is a natural part of the human experience, and we should embrace it rather than beat ourselves up over it.

Family...

Geralt Pixabay

1.Someone asked:

Reddit

1. Gardening

We had a large garden. We raised and preserved what we grew. It was me and my sister's job to care for this garden. This was back when whipping your child was acceptable punishment. I was whipped sooo many times, because I hated that I had to grew and preserved vegetables I did not like. I hated it! Swore I'd never have a garden. Never do THAT to my kids. Then I had kids. A switch flipped in my head. I had to have a garden! I never made my kids take care of it. Gardening was my "me" time. But being little kids, they wanted to be with mom and "help" with the garden. I "gave" them an area and they were allowed to grow whatever they wanted. If it was a fruit or vegetables , they had to eat it. As a result, they both love gardening and neither are picky eaters.Eogh21,Kenny Eliason

The Cycle of Behavioral Mirroring

Dr. David McClelland, a prominent psychologist at Harvard University, emphasizes the concept of behavioral mirroring, which explains how children often unconsciously adopt the behaviors and emotional responses of their parents. This phenomenon is rooted in social learning theory, which suggests that people learn behaviors through observation and imitation, leading to a strong tendency to replicate parental behaviors into adulthood.

According to his research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, these learned behaviors can be both positive and negative, depending on the context and the emotional climate of the family environment. For instance, children raised in nurturing environments may carry forward positive traits such as empathy and resilience, while those exposed to dysfunction may replicate maladaptive behaviors, like poor conflict resolution or substance abuse.

The Psychological Roots of Identity Formation

Understanding how we become like our parents is a fascinating area of exploration. Developmental psychology suggests that identity formation is influenced by a combination of genetic predispositions and environmental factors.

Research indicates that children often internalize the values and behaviors of their parents, which can lead to the emergence of similar traits as they grow older.

The Role of Parenting in Shaping Behaviors

Parenting styles significantly influence children's behaviors and attitudes. Research in developmental psychology indicates that children often model their behaviors based on their parents' actions and beliefs. According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, children who grow up in environments where parents demonstrate specific behaviors are likely to adopt those same behaviors as they mature.

This phenomenon highlights the importance of parental awareness in their own actions.

2. Drank like my alcoholic mother

Until I got sober at age 31, thank God (and AA)EMHemingway1899,Pavel Danilyuk

3. I grew up Mormon

Drinking coffee, green tea, black tea, alcohol, maturbating, having premarital sex, going clubbing, losing faith in God, dating a non-religious person, trying psilosyben mushrooms, becoming politically left wing, and getting a tattoo.Organic-Roof-8311,Manny Becerra

4. Give up drawing

I actually broke my own heart when I recently found a school project we did back when I was a kid. We had to write a letter for our future selves and mine starts with: "Hey, did you become an artist already? I really hope you did not become a boring adult with a boring job who gave up on his dreams and passions."Well, sorry little me, but I kinda did.Aesma_,cottonbro studio

Understanding the impact of childhood experiences on adult behaviors can be vital for personal growth. A cognitive-behavioral approach suggests that individuals can actively challenge and reshape these inherited patterns. By identifying specific behaviors they wish to change and employing techniques like journaling or therapy, individuals can create a conscious awareness of their actions and motivations.

Research indicates that mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can help break the cycle of automatic responses conditioned by childhood experiences. Engaging in these practices encourages a reflective state, allowing individuals to observe their thoughts and behaviors without judgment, ultimately leading to healthier choices.

Dr. Albert Bandura's social learning theory emphasizes the role of observational learning in behavior development. Children learn not only through direct instruction but also by observing their parents' actions and reactions in various situations.

This modeling can lead to the adoption of both positive and negative traits, highlighting the significance of parental influence in shaping personality.

Dr. Laura Jenkins, a developmental psychologist, explains that certain behaviors can become ingrained in children due to environmental factors. Her research shows that children often internalize the values and habits of their parents, leading to a cycle of learned behaviors. Understanding this cycle can help parents recognize the impact of their actions on their children's development.

5. Birdwatching

I used to think it was the lamest way someone could spend their time when I was a kid. How could anyone just sit around and look at birds? What are you, some kind of bird creep? ... 20 years later and I'm obsessed with birds. Love hearing their songs and seeing all the beautiful colorsKoala-teas,Ryan Magsino

6. Get married.

I was going to be the perpetual bachelor. Married over 30 years with 6 kids. Wouldn’t change a thing.Meta_My_Data,Wu Jianxiong

7. I wanted nothing more than to escape my family for good and never come back.

They got help... I did not expect that...cutiegirl88,cottonbro studio

The Role of Identity Formation

Psychologists argue that the process of identity formation during adolescence plays a crucial role in how individuals perceive their parents' influence. Dr. Erik Erikson's psychosocial theory posits that during this stage, young people grapple with their sense of self, often declaring what they will not become to assert their independence.

However, as they transition into adulthood, many find that their identities are, in fact, shaped by the very traits they swore to reject. This paradox is highlighted in a study by researchers at the University of Michigan, which found that identity is not only about rejecting past influences but also about integrating them into a cohesive self-concept. This integration can sometimes result in adopting certain parental traits that were once viewed with disdain, revealing the complexity of identity development.

The Impact of Family Dynamics on Identity

Family dynamics play a crucial role in shaping one's identity. Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that children who experience strong family bonds are more likely to adopt similar values and behaviors, creating a shared family identity.

This shared identity can be both a source of strength and a challenge, as individuals navigate their unique paths within the context of familial expectations.

The Impact of Family Dynamics on Behavior

The dynamics within a family unit can greatly affect individual behaviors. According to Dr. Madeline Levine, a renowned child psychologist, "Children learn not only from their parents but also from their siblings, who can serve as both rivals and allies in their emotional development." Her insights emphasize that children's experiences with their siblings and parents significantly shape their social skills and emotional responses. Furthermore, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, notes, "These sibling interactions can either reinforce or challenge inherited behaviors, leading to unique developmental outcomes." Such relationships play a crucial role in influencing children's growth in various ways.

8. Stopped liking new music

twinkieeater8

9. Become overweight

I’ve done or avoided doing everything else that I cared about, but am much bigger than I would like.stolid_agnostic,Kenny Eliason

10. Napping on purpose

ChaoticCherryblossom,Alexander Grey

To navigate the complexities of parental influence, individuals can benefit from engaging in reflective practices. This might include therapy sessions focused on exploring family dynamics or journaling to articulate feelings about inherited traits. By understanding the origins of their behaviors, individuals can make informed decisions about which traits to embrace and which to modify.

Therapists often encourage clients to use cognitive restructuring techniques, a method rooted in cognitive-behavioral therapy, to challenge negative self-perceptions and to reframe inherited behaviors in a positive light. This process not only aids in personal growth but also fosters healthier relationships.

Additionally, attachment theory highlights how early relationships with caregivers influence identity development. Dr. John Bowlby’s work illustrates that secure attachments foster healthy self-concepts, while insecure attachments can lead to identity struggles.

Understanding this connection can help individuals make sense of their own behaviors and motivations as they reflect on their familial relationships.

Moreover, understanding the concept of 'intergenerational transmission' can shed light on behavioral patterns. Research indicates that family patterns, both positive and negative, can be passed down through generations. This can create cycles of behavior that are challenging to break without conscious effort and intervention.

Developing awareness of these patterns is the first step towards fostering positive change.

11. Grew up religious

AiryCatYouTube

12. I said I wouldn’t curse

I said I wouldn’t curse unless a nuke was dropped on my house. That was a f*****g lie.-notjosh-,Vladimir Konoplev

13. Stop believing in Christianity

Anime_sad,RODNAE Productions

The Impact of Unresolved Conflict

Unresolved conflicts within families can have lasting psychological effects that manifest in adulthood. Research shows that individuals who grow up in contentious environments often carry forward unresolved issues that can shape their relational patterns. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on marital stability, notes that the way conflicts are handled in childhood profoundly influences adult conflict resolution strategies.

His studies indicate that children who witness constructive conflict resolution tend to develop healthier relationship skills, while those exposed to destructive conflict often replicate these patterns in their own relationships. Understanding this dynamic can empower individuals to break the cycle by learning new conflict resolution skills, such as active listening and effective communication, which can be practiced in both personal and professional settings.

Practical Strategies for Navigating Identity Conflicts

To navigate the complexities of identity formation, individuals can benefit from reflective practices such as journaling or therapy. Research shows that self-reflection enhances self-awareness and can lead to more intentional choices regarding one's identity.

Engaging in discussions with trusted friends or mentors about familial influences can also provide valuable insights and support in navigating identity challenges.

Practical Recommendations for Parents

To encourage positive behaviors in children, parents can adopt proactive strategies. Engaging in open discussions about values and behaviors can help children understand the reasoning behind certain actions. Research suggests that children who are involved in discussions about their behaviors are more likely to internalize positive values.

Additionally, modeling desired behaviors consistently can reinforce these values and encourage children to emulate them.

14. Become like my sister

TurnipWorldly9437

15. Have sex before marriage.

Thank f**k I never made good on that one since I'm 41 and have never been married.squid1891,Womanizer Toys

16. Stop talking to my friends

there used to be 6 of us,now its just meHolyStonks,Ben Duchac

One effective approach for addressing unresolved familial conflict is through family therapy. Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that family therapy not only addresses present dynamics but also helps to process past grievances in a safe environment. This form of therapy encourages open dialogue and fosters understanding among family members, allowing individuals to express their feelings and work towards resolution.

Engaging in these therapeutic conversations can pave the way for healthier family interactions and a more nuanced understanding of one’s own behaviors, leading to improved emotional well-being.

Encouraging a mindset of growth can help individuals embrace traits inherited from their parents while also allowing for personal development. Studies indicate that fostering self-compassion enables individuals to accept their similarities and differences with their parents.

This balance can lead to a healthier understanding of identity, allowing for both appreciation and independence.

Furthermore, seeking support from parenting groups or workshops can provide parents with valuable insights into effective strategies. Collaborating with other parents can foster a sense of community and shared learning, enhancing individual parenting styles. This collective approach can help parents navigate challenges and reinforce positive behaviors in their children.

17.

TinyAngryIndividual

18. Get into debt I can't pay off

lilviviv,Towfiqu barbhuiya's profile Towfiqu barbhuiya

19. Tell my kid, "because I said so"

deathbytb,Monstera

Cognitive Dissonance and Self-Perception

Cognitive dissonance theory, proposed by Dr. Leon Festinger, explains the psychological discomfort that arises when our actions conflict with our beliefs. For many individuals who find themselves mirroring parental behaviors they once rejected, this dissonance can lead to feelings of guilt or self-criticism.

Studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology have shown that individuals often seek to alleviate this dissonance by either changing their behavior or rationalizing their actions. Understanding this psychological mechanism can help individuals recognize that feeling conflicted is a normal part of growth and change, offering an opportunity for self-reflection and adjustment.

The Role of Societal Expectations in Identity Formation

Societal expectations can significantly influence identity formation, creating tension between individual desires and familial norms. Research suggests that individuals often feel pressure to conform to family values, which can lead to internal conflict.

Acknowledging these societal influences can empower individuals to make choices that align with their authentic selves while respecting their familial backgrounds.

Finally, practicing self-reflection as a parent can help break negative behavior patterns. By regularly assessing their actions and their impact on their children's development, parents can make intentional changes that positively influence their children's behaviors.

20. Diet sodas

ProjectDv2

21. Become a teacher

My dad was one and people always told me I should do it and I'd be good at it. I swore I'd never do it, and hated the very idea of it. When I got to 26 and still didn't have an idea of what I wanted to do with my life, I got a teaching degree. I hate teaching. It was a mistake.zooperdooper7,Kenny Eliason

22. Not beliveing in god

macdugan818

To mitigate cognitive dissonance, individuals can employ strategies such as reframing their experiences. This involves recognizing that adopting certain parental traits can be a tool for personal development rather than a failure to uphold one's values. Additionally, engaging in self-compassion practices can help individuals accept their current behaviors without harsh judgment, allowing for a more supportive internal dialogue as they navigate their identities.

Practicing self-compassion can be as simple as acknowledging one's struggles and affirming one’s worth, which research indicates can lead to greater emotional resilience and personal growth.

23. Become s nurse

Joygernaut

24.

StumpinMeatLeg

25. I have become my father.

jer1303,Leah Kelley

The Importance of Open Communication

Effective communication within families is essential for understanding and mitigating the impact of parental influence on adult behaviors. Research conducted by Dr. Judith Wallerstein shows that families that engage in open and honest communication tend to foster healthier relationships and a better understanding of individual motivations.

When family members feel safe to express their experiences and feelings, they can collaboratively work towards breaking negative cycles of behavior. This open dialogue not only promotes empathy but also allows for the exploration of personal values and beliefs that may have been overlooked in childhood.

26. Gay

NewSanDiegean

27. Smoking, alcohol, weed, soft drugs, hard drugs

I wish I would've listened to my younger self420_diego,cottonbro studio

28. Cry over a boy

jloczx,Karolina Grabowska

To improve communication within families, individuals can practice active listening techniques, which involve fully concentrating, understanding, responding, and remembering what others say. This practice encourages empathy and understanding, creating a supportive environment for discussing difficult topics. Additionally, family meetings can be structured to provide a safe space for family members to express their feelings and perspectives, fostering a culture of openness and collaboration that can lead to healthier dynamics.

Research shows that families who regularly engage in structured communication practices tend to have stronger emotional bonds and a greater ability to navigate conflicts effectively.

29. Get fat

chickenwingw5

To grow as an individual, it's vital to be open to change and adapt to new situations. This means being willing to let go of old beliefs and attitudes that no longer serve us and embracing new perspectives.

We must be open-minded and receptive to new ideas and experiences to evolve and reach our full potential. And family is supposed to help us do that.

Does it?

Psychological Analysis

This discussion sheds light on the intricate relationship between parenting and behavior. When parents are mindful of their actions and engage with their children constructively, they can significantly influence their children's development. Understanding the cycles of behavior within families can empower parents to foster positive changes.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, parenting plays a critical role in shaping children's behaviors and attitudes. By fostering awareness of their own actions and engaging in open discussions, parents can instill positive behaviors in their children. Ultimately, creating a supportive and reflective parenting environment can lead to healthier family dynamics and foster positive growth in future generations.

Psychological Analysis

This article dives into the complexities of identity formation, particularly how familial influences shape our behaviors and values. Acknowledging this interplay can empower individuals to embrace their uniqueness while also recognizing their roots. Self-reflection and open discussions about identity can foster personal growth and understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding how we become like our parents involves exploring the interplay of genetics, environment, and societal expectations. Research highlights the importance of self-reflection and open dialogue in navigating identity conflicts. By embracing both inherited traits and individual growth, individuals can cultivate a more authentic sense of self.

Recognizing the ways in which we mirror our parents' behaviors, despite our childhood promises, can be a crucial step in personal development. Mental health professionals advocate for a multifaceted approach to understanding these dynamics, which includes exploring childhood experiences, addressing unresolved conflicts, and fostering open communication.

Effective treatment not only focuses on cognitive understanding but also encourages practical strategies for change, such as mindfulness and active listening. Ultimately, embracing the complexity of these relationships can lead to greater emotional well-being and healthier interpersonal dynamics.