Stay-At-Home Mom Keeps Cash Gift Secret From Addict Boyfriend, But Guilt Is Eating Her Alive

The OP is a 20-year-old stay-at-home mom raising a six-month-old baby while living under her own mother’s roof. Her boyfriend works delivery jobs to bring in what he can, and together they try to stretch every dollar.

Bills are minimal, mostly food and baby supplies, but the pressure of living on a thin margin never really goes away.

A month ago, she traveled out of state to visit relatives she hadn’t seen in years. It was the first time many of them met her baby, and the reunion turned into something more.

Before she left, they pressed $600 into her hands, hoping it would give her a little breathing room back home.

That’s where the quiet decision began. She told her boyfriend about only a fraction of the money ($100). In her mind, it wasn’t about being dishonest for the sake of it.

She says she’s seen too many moments where cash disappears into his addiction, and she didn’t want this gift to follow the same path.

The $100 she admitted to was gone by the end of the day. The rest went into her mom’s dresser drawer for safekeeping.

Over the next few weeks, she dipped into it slowly. A coffee here, a small item for the baby there. Everything stayed quiet for a while, then one day, a forgotten receipt in her car put her spending under scrutiny by her boyfriend.

Luckily for her, she was able to wiggle out by using her mom as a cover. However, since that incident, she's been feeling guilty about lying to her boyfriend.

To make matters worse, she admitted he never lies to her about any money he has.

Keep reading and scroll through the screenshots below to see how this quiet decision turned into a much bigger question about trust.

Let’s dig into the details

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A bit of backstory

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OP went to visit family with her baby and returned with a $600 gift. But she only declared $100 to her boyfriend out of fear that he’ll use it up to satisfy his addiction

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Relationship Dynamics

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a renowned relationship researcher, emphasizes that financial secrets can erode trust in a relationship. She notes that when partners withhold information about money, it can lead to significant emotional distance.

In her studies, she found that transparency fosters intimacy and helps couples navigate tough conversations about finances. To build trust, she recommends regular check-ins about finances, ensuring both partners feel included and valued in decision-making.

Navigating Secrets in Relationships

According to Dr. Julie Gottman, a leading expert in relationship dynamics, secrets, particularly about finances, can create a chasm between partners. She asserts that addressing these issues head-on is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.

Gottman encourages couples to establish a culture of openness early on, which helps in fostering trust. By routinely discussing financial matters, couples can avoid the pitfalls of secrecy and guilt, ultimately promoting a stronger partnership. Practical tips include setting aside time for monthly financial discussions and encouraging honesty about spending habits.

OP kept the remaining $500 in her mom’s dresser. Occasionally, she pulls a few dollars here and there to get the baby something or get herself a coffee

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On one occasion, her boyfriend found a receipt for a $50 drink in her car and confronted her about it. She lied that her mom gave her the money, which helped quell the situation

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Recently, OP started feeling guilty that she’s been lying to her boyfriend, especially since he never lies to her about any money he has

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Dr. Vanessa Marin, a licensed therapist specializing in relationships, suggests that guilt stemming from financial secrets can often be managed through open communication. She advocates for creating a safe space where both partners can discuss their feelings without judgment.

Marin highlights that addressing feelings of guilt directly can lead to more fruitful discussions about money and shared responsibilities. She encourages couples to set aside time each week to review their financial situations together, which can help alleviate guilt and foster teamwork.

We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community

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“You need to learn the you and our baby deserve better, what good is he to you? Or your baby? NTA.”

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“I don't blame you for lying to him, but it seems that you have not made great life choices so far.”

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Financial Planning Importance

Financial coaches like Patrice Washington stress the importance of budget planning for families, especially those living on tight margins. She asserts that having a clear budget can prevent the financial strain many new parents face.

Washington recommends creating a zero-based budget, where every dollar is assigned a specific purpose. This method ensures that expenses align with family goals, reducing stress and encouraging collaboration between partners. She also suggests online tools to track spending, making it easier to stay on top of finances and address issues as they arise.

“You messed up getting involved with him & you realize that now.”

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“If you yourself are actually 100% clean and sober, you need to separate yourself from this loser.”

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“If at all possible, I recommend getting a bank account he can't access.”

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Dr. Madeline Levine, a clinical psychologist, points out that the dynamics of a fragile relationship can be significantly impacted by stressors such as financial strain. She states that such pressures can lead to misunderstandings and resentment if not handled proactively.

Levine advises couples to engage in regular emotional check-ins, where they discuss not just financial matters but also their emotional well-being. This practice can reinforce their bond and create a supportive environment, crucial for navigating difficult topics like money.

Money has a way of exposing the cracks people try to paper over. Some readers will see a young mom protecting her child’s future, while others will focus on the lie and the damage it could cause.

From the look of things, the majority support what she has done, mainly due to her boyfriend's addiction. Either way, it’s a situation that doesn’t come with easy answers.

What do you think, was she wrong or just being realistic? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Expert Opinion

In this situation, the stay-at-home mom's decision to keep the money secret likely stems from a deep-seated fear of losing financial stability due to her boyfriend's addiction. This behavior reflects a common psychological pattern where individuals in unstable relationships prioritize self-preservation and the well-being of their children over transparency, often leading to guilt when their actions conflict with their values. Her experience illustrates the complex interplay between love, trust, and the instinct to protect oneself and one’s family from potential harm.

Understanding the Deeper Patterns

In conclusion, navigating the complexities of financial secrets within a relationship requires a blend of communication, understanding, and proactive planning. Experts like Dr. Terri Orbuch and Dr. Vanessa Marin emphasize the importance of transparency as a cornerstone for trust. By fostering open dialogues about finances and emotional well-being, couples can create a supportive environment that encourages teamwork.

Integrating regular financial discussions and budgeting strategies can alleviate the stress associated with money management, ultimately strengthening the relationship. With commitment and effort, partners can turn financial challenges into opportunities for connection and growth.