From Dream Trips To Debt Stress - Woman Doesn't Trust BF's Travel Plans Anymore
“In a few years, we won't think about the money anymore, but the experiences will stay with us forever"
Freedom means different things to different people. For some, it’s the ability to chase experience — to say yes to adventure, to collect stories, to live boldly while you’re young.
For others, freedom means stability — knowing your bills are covered, your savings are growing, and nothing unexpected can pull the ground out from under you. When those definitions clash in a relationship, the conflict isn’t really about money or travel.
It’s about trust, security, and how each person defines a safe future. Years ago, the OP and her boyfriend stepped into what felt like pure freedom.
They both transitioned to remote jobs at the same company, untethered from offices and local responsibilities. He immediately saw an opportunity: if they could work from anywhere, why not see the world?
He was enthusiastic and confident, mapping out routes and reassuring the OP that their salaries would cover most of the costs. OP had never lived independently before, while her BF has been on his own for years.
His certainty felt reassuring, so the OP followed. For six months, they lived the kind of life people envy online, but when they returned home, they each carried about €1,600 in debt.
It took months to recover, and for the OP, the experience reshaped what “freedom” really meant. Now, as he proposes another ambitious trip, the OP is left wondering whether adventure is worth the anxiety that follows.
The OP writes...
RedditIt took months to repay the debt
RedditBeing in debt for the first time affected the OP
Reddit
OP's statement hurt her boyfriend
Reddit
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:
(1) I refused my boyfriends travel plans and told him it was stupid of me to trust him in the first place(2) Because he reacted in a very hurt wayHere are a bunch of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors....
Reddit
The OP should figure out a budget
Reddit
Money can be made again
Reddit
The OP shouldn't be so traumatized
Reddit
The OP replied the above comment saying...
How could you keep such experiences in good memory if you had existential fears for months afterwards and daily pictures of how you would end up on the street in the face of debt? (honest question, not an attack)And compared to my entry-level part-time job, the debts were quite high on the one hand, and on the other hand they scared me a lot because I had never had any before (and never wanted to have any) - that's why I'm so 'traumatized'And the comments continues...
Reddit
A slight tendency
Reddit
It's feasible for the OP
Reddit
The OP has an amazing partner
Reddit
Maybe, just maybe, this isn’t really about one trip or the debt. Maybe it’s about how deeply that first experience reshaped OP's sense of safety.
Her boyfriend sees growth, lessons learned, and a second chance to do it right, but she still sees the knot in her stomach from checking her bank account and feeling foolish for trusting too easily. The OP doesn’t want fear to run their lives — but she also doesn’t want love to require blind faith.
The real question isn’t whether they should travel - It’s whether trust, once shaken, can fully settle again. In the end, the OP was declared the AH.
