From Dream Trips To Debt Stress - Woman Doesn't Trust BF's Travel Plans Anymore
“In a few years, we won't think about the money anymore, but the experiences will stay with us forever"
A 28-year-old woman refused her boyfriend’s travel plans, and it wasn’t because she hates vacations. It was because the last time she trusted him with money, it turned into months of debt repayment, constant fear, and that sinking feeling of “how did we get here?”
Here’s the messy part: the OP says the debt was high compared to her entry-level part-time job, and it scared her so badly she still remembers the daily mental spiral of ending up on the street. When she told her boyfriend his plans were “stupid” and that she shouldn’t have trusted him in the first place, he took it personally, reacting hurt instead of understanding.
Now it’s not really about one trip, it’s about whether trust can survive the moment love and money collide.
The OP writes...
RedditIt took months to repay the debt
RedditBeing in debt for the first time affected the OP
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OP's statement hurt her boyfriend
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The first real blow landed when the OP’s boyfriend’s travel plans came right after she was stuck repaying that debt for months.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:
(1) I refused my boyfriends travel plans and told him it was stupid of me to trust him in the first place(2) Because he reacted in a very hurt way
Here are a bunch of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors....
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The OP should figure out a budget
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Money can be made again
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The OP shouldn't be so traumatized
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When she called his plans stupid and admitted she didn’t trust him anymore, his hurt reaction turned a money problem into a relationship fight.
It’s a lot like a bride excluding her brother with thalassophobia from her dream yacht wedding.
The comments tell her to “figure out a budget,” but she’s still dealing with the exact fear of checking her bank account and feeling foolish for trusting too easily.
The OP replied the above comment saying...
How could you keep such experiences in good memory if you had existential fears for months afterwards and daily pictures of how you would end up on the street in the face of debt? (honest question, not an attack)And compared to my entry-level part-time job, the debts were quite high on the one hand, and on the other hand they scared me a lot because I had never had any before (and never wanted to have any) - that's why I'm so 'traumatized'
And the comments continues...
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A slight tendency
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It's feasible for the OP
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The OP has an amazing partner
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Even if he sees growth and a second chance, the OP keeps reliving the same knot in her stomach every time he mentions travel.
Maybe, just maybe, this isn’t really about one trip or the debt. Maybe it’s about how deeply that first experience reshaped OP's sense of safety.
Her boyfriend sees growth, lessons learned, and a second chance to do it right, but she still sees the knot in her stomach from checking her bank account and feeling foolish for trusting too easily. The OP doesn’t want fear to run their lives — but she also doesn’t want love to require blind faith.
The real question isn’t whether they should travel - It’s whether trust, once shaken, can fully settle again. In the end, the OP was declared the AH.
Nobody wants to love someone you can’t afford to trust.
Wait, did the party-loving brother really cause the wedding expenses, then expect her to pay? Ask her brother to cover the wedding costs he caused.
