10+ People Reveal What They'll Never Do That Their Parents Did

There are two different kinds of parents in this world: those who do exactly as the previous generations did, and those who want to end cycles to do things differently (usually for the better).

It's not that previous generations of parents had it all wrong; it's just that, over time, we've learned that many things that were once standard in parenting are no longer safe or recommended.

Sometimes, the easiest way to see that it's time to do things differently with your own kids is when you realize how the way you were raised shaped you in the worst ways.

These Reddit users chimed in to discuss what their parents did that they definitely will not be doing.

1. You know what often goes with guilt tripping? Gaslighting.

“Guilt trips. All the damn guilt trips.I hate my mom for trying to guilt trip me so much. She does it so often that I can tell when she is about to do it, allowing me to point it out, which makes her guilt trip me for accusing her of guilt tripping me.It’s a vicious cycle.”

2. Emotions are healthy, and we can't learn to cope with them if we always stuff them down.

“My parents taught me not to share my feelings.It has taken me a long time to be able to do this.I don’t want my kids hiding their feelings.”

3. The easiest way to model empathy is to apologize as a parent to your children.

“Parents don’t have to apologize if they are wrong because they are parents. I grew up in a big family, and many times one sibling would be blamed for another sibling’s actions (both by parents and other siblings).If I yelled at sibling A for something sibling B did, I would be made to apologize to sibling A. If my mom yelled at me for something sibling A did, after everything was sorted, I’d ask, ‘Are you going to apologize to me now?’ and she would say, ‘I don’t have to; I’m the adult.’I have kids of my own now, and if I do something wrong, I apologize.” giphy

4. Appreciate uniqueness without comparing to others.

“I would never compare my kids to other kids.Not only did it make me feel sh*tty back then, but it has made me unnecessarily competitive now, and I seem to compare every little thing of mine with other people’s.”

5. Make space for your kids to speak.

“Never allowing me to tell my side of the story.When I was getting in trouble, most of the time it was my fault or something I could have done about it. But there were times when there was an honest explanation that would have clarified the situation, and it was always labeled as ‘talking back.’Just give me a freaking second.”

6. Normalize stress and teach coping mechanisms.

“There’s no reason to be stressed.”Everyone gets stressed, whether it’s something big and life-changing or small and inconvenient. Growing up, my sister and I always heard, ‘You shouldn’t be stressed about this.This isn’t a big thing to stress over,’ and similar comments. Instead of being taught to manage our stress, we learned to hide it and bottle it up so our parents wouldn’t think we were dramatic or something.Instead of teaching kids to ‘not be stressed,’ I’d teach them how to manage stress in healthy ways so they can eliminate it or navigate through it easily.” giphy

7. Parent without fear tactics.

“To be afraid of them.My dad was very extreme in his punishments; looking back, his reactions were unreasonable.He’s still unreasonable now.We live under the same roof, yet I barely talk to him.”

8. Body Positivity

“To be overly critical of my own body.My mom is otherwise wonderful but very insecure about her weight (she’s not overweight at all). I often received comments like, ‘Those jeans look cute, but don’t gain 5 lbs,’ and lectures about how I can’t go out around other people without makeup because, ‘What will people think?’But it’s unfortunate because she genuinely believes people are judging her that much. She apologizes every time we video chat if she hasn’t put on makeup yet.”

9. Question everything!

“To never question authority or your elders.If a person isn’t curious and doesn’t think for themselves about reality, they are only a shell of a human and will never fully live their own life.And it’s a tough lesson to learn later in life.” giphy

10. Don't be silent.

“Never say a word if someone hurts you.Never object, never protest, and if you cry, that is your weakness coming through. Don’t cry.If you speak out when you are attacked, you will be attacked twice as hard.Silence is the only way to safety.Say nothing. No matter what.This advice really, really f*cked me over.”

11. Let's not perpetuate low self-esteem anymore.

“I was always a tomboy growing up, but my mom and grandma were very persistent in trying to raise me based on crazy Asian beauty standards and being a proper girl.They wouldn’t let me play outside because they didn’t want me to get dark, always forcing me to wear clothes I wasn’t comfortable in, and making sure I didn’t play with my male cousins’ games or toys, even though I hated playing with dolls.I honestly think they were afraid I might be a lesbian or undesirable to men. Over 30 years later, they complain that I’m old and worry that I’m not married with kids.It’s because they left me with extremely low self-esteem and self-confidence, which led me to make horrible choices in relationships.”

12. Constructive criticism has its place, y'all.

“My parents were unconditionally supportive.Everything I did was the best and perfect, and I was a genius.I will be giving my daughter constructive criticism because that is how we get better at things.”

13. Crying is healthy.

“That crying to them will make things worse, not better.My parents still tell me that only weak people cry.I'm not a huge crier, but it does mess up your ability to process emotions.”

14. Could literally everyone, ever, stop this myth? Please?

“If a boy is mean to you, he likes you.Worst.Lesson.Ever.”

15. Hey parents, you are responsible for your own emotional outbursts.

“That my emotions are their fault.Growing up, my mom would get frustrated with me and then lash out. She would then say something like, ‘I yell because you’re making me so angry!’No, I was just a kid doing kid sh*t; you yelled because you’re not in control of your emotions.I’ve caught my mom doing this sh*t with my daughter, and I call her out on it; you can’t put that sh*t on a kid. I let my daughter know that what she did may have been unkind or needed correcting, but she is not responsible for the emotions of the adults around her.” brightestyoungthings