This Redditor Worked Hard And Saved For College, And Now Family Expects Her To Pay Brother’s Rent

Some families treat college like a group project, and this Redditor just got assigned the unpaid bill. She worked hard, saved, and mapped out her own undergrad, with enough grants and savings to cover tuition plus living costs, even budgeting for the expensive first year.

Then her brother, 20, derailed his own plan, dropped out twice, and still managed to sign a lease for an apartment he couldn’t afford. No job, no real follow-through, and now he’s sitting on a $2,700 rent debt while their mom expects the 18-year-old to pay it, insisting her remaining savings should magically stretch across the next four years and possibly a master’s degree.

And the part that hurts is how little effort he’s put in since moving the problem onto her.

The Redditor has carefully mapped out how to afford undergrad and even a future master’s degree.

AI-generated image

Original Post

I (18F) am starting university this fall. I have about $30,000 in savings/grants, meant to cover four years of undergrad + one year of grad school. That works out to roughly $6,000/year. I also qualified for financial aid and will be receiving around $18,000 for the school year. But it’s paid in installments, and tuition is automatically deducted, so in reality, I’ll have about $4,500/semester for living and school expenses.

I’m also receiving a $2,500 bursary from my university. For this upcoming fall semester, I’ll have around $10,000 to spend, assuming I only use some of my savings. The first year will be expensive. I’m living in residence, and will need to pay for bedding, furnishings, and electronics for school. I’ve budgeted for it all and will likely have a little leftover, either to spend on extras or save for the next semester.Now, onto the issue: my brother (20M) also had post-secondary savings/grants, though I’m not sure how much. He started university (commuted), dropped out, went to college a year later, and dropped out again. During that time, he signed a lease for an apartment he couldn’t afford. He doesn’t have a job and hasn’t for years. When our mom told him the place was too expensive, he insisted he’d find work… he never did.Now, he owes $2,700 in rent and my mom expects me to cover it. And to be honest, I don’t believe I’ll see that money again. Her reasoning is that I’ll still have ~$24,000 left in my savings after this year. Technically true, but that money has to last the next four years and possibly a master’s program. What frustrates me is how little effort my brother puts into changing his situation.He says he dropped out to get tested for ADHD… okay, but he’s doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. He turned down a one-day job last week that our older brother offered to drive him to. Even if it’s only for one day, it would give him some experience and at least some money to hold onto. When I suggested he go to therapy (which is covered by our mum’s insurance), he said he didn’t need it, just a diagnosis. Like… there are steps to this. And the wildest part? He talks all the time about going to Stanford or Caltech and working at NASA.I’m not trying to crush his dreams, but he has no track record of following through, and no plan that actually reflects what those goals would require. Even if ADHD is a factor, you still have to put in the work. Medication alone doesn’t fix everything. At the end of the day, I can technically afford to help. I just don’t want to, because I don’t trust I’ll ever see that money again. And I don’t think it’s fair to take away from my education, something I’ve planned for and worked toward, because he refuses to help himself. Am I being unreasonable for saying no?

The situation faced by the 18-year-old Redditor highlights the critical need for boundary-setting in familial financial expectations.

Let’s see how the Reddit community reacted.

Big-Question-9513

He’ll figure it out.

AttemptOverall7128

He needs to work it out on his own.

bookish-catlady

It’s not your job to pay for your brother.

Witty-Help-1822

You need that money.

Annie041874

She’s already budgeting semester by semester, with tuition automatically deducted and only about $4,500 set aside for living, so this rent demand hits way too close to her math.

When the mom hears “$24,000 left” and decides that equals “your brother’s rent,” the reality of that money having to last undergrad, grad, and everything in between gets ignored.

The situation faced by the 18-year-old Redditor illustrates a significant issue in financial preparedness among young adults.

That money pressure echoes the woman excluded from her sister’s bridal party.

Let your mom bail him out if she wants to.

CornerAffectionate24

He’s not your financial responsibility.

Playful_Robot_5599

Don’t give him any money!

Remarkable_Log6944

NTA.

Stacy3536

YWNBTA.

archetyping101

It’s not your problem.

Rare_Sugar_7927

The awkward timeline makes it worse, he dropped out, came back, dropped out again, then signed a lease while admitting he doesn’t have the income to cover it.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

You’ll never get that money back.

Frosty-Succotash-931

He blew his money, don’t let him blow yours too.

ScarletNotThatOne

Even after the older brother offered him a one-day job ride, her brother turned it down, which is exactly why OP thinks the money will never come back.</p>

At the end of the day, the Redditor isn’t being stingy—she’s being realistic. Her college fund has a purpose, and it’s not to rescue someone who refuses to take responsibility.

Sometimes the hardest lesson isn’t about money at all, but about learning when to say no.

This scenario underscores the complex dynamics between individual accountability and family obligations. The Redditor’s diligent preparation for her educational journey demonstrates a commendable level of foresight and independence. In contrast, her brother’s apparent reliance on her savings hints at a troubling pattern of dependency, which may stem from deeper issues such as fear of failure or anxiety about adulthood. The young woman’s difficulty in refusing her family's request reflects a widespread issue many face: the challenge of maintaining empathy for loved ones while steadfastly pursuing personal aspirations and ensuring one's own financial stability.

The story of the 18-year-old Redditor highlights the often fraught intersection of family expectations and personal financial responsibility.

Nobody wants to watch their brother’s rent become their graduation plan.

For another family showdown after criticism turns into chaos, read about a sister who got called out for parenting choices.