This Redditor Worked Hard And Saved For College, And Now Family Expects Her To Pay Brother’s Rent

An 18-year-old Redditor is gearing up to start university this fall, and she’s done what many students only aspire to do: plan ahead. Between savings, grants, financial aid, and a bursary, she’s carefully mapped out how to afford undergrad and even a future master’s degree.

After tuition is automatically deducted, the Redditor expects to have about $4,500 per semester for living and school costs. Add in a $2,500 bursary and limited use of her savings, and she’ll have roughly $10,000 to get through her first semester.

That money isn’t exactly fun money, though. Living in residence means upfront costs for bedding, furnishings, and school tech, all of which she’s already budgeted for.

Enter the family drama. Her 20-year-old brother has dropped out of post-secondary education twice, hasn’t held a job in years, and recently signed a lease he couldn’t afford.

Now he owes $2,700 in rent, and their mom expects the Redditor to pay it. The justification is that she’ll “still have plenty left,” even though that money is meant to last several more years of schooling.

What really gets under her skin is his lack of effort. He’s turned down work opportunities, refuses therapy covered by insurance, and insists a diagnosis alone will fix everything.

Meanwhile, he casually talks about elite universities and working at NASA, despite having no plan to get there. The Redditor isn’t trying to be cruel—she just wants accountability.

She can afford to help, technically. But she doesn’t want to sacrifice her future for someone who refuses to help himself, and she’s wondering if saying no makes her the bad guy.

The Redditor has carefully mapped out how to afford undergrad and even a future master’s degree.

AI-generated image

Here’s the original post by Reddit user ‘Alert_Marionberry_31’.

I (18F) am starting university this fall. I have about $30,000 in savings/grants, meant to cover four years of undergrad + one year of grad school. That works out to roughly $6,000/year. I also qualified for financial aid and will be receiving around $18,000 for the school year. But it’s paid in installments, and tuition is automatically deducted, so in reality, I’ll have about $4,500/semester for living and school expenses.I’m also receiving a $2,500 bursary from my university. For this upcoming fall semester, I’ll have around $10,000 to spend, assuming I only use some of my savings. The first year will be expensive. I’m living in residence, and will need to pay for bedding, furnishings, and electronics for school. I’ve budgeted for it all and will likely have a little leftover, either to spend on extras or save for the next semester.Now, onto the issue: my brother (20M) also had post-secondary savings/grants, though I’m not sure how much. He started university (commuted), dropped out, went to college a year later, and dropped out again. During that time, he signed a lease for an apartment he couldn’t afford. He doesn’t have a job and hasn’t for years. When our mom told him the place was too expensive, he insisted he’d find work… he never did.Now, he owes $2,700 in rent and my mom expects me to cover it. And to be honest, I don’t believe I’ll see that money again. Her reasoning is that I’ll still have ~$24,000 left in my savings after this year. Technically true, but that money has to last the next four years and possibly a master’s program. What frustrates me is how little effort my brother puts into changing his situation.He says he dropped out to get tested for ADHD… okay, but he’s doing absolutely nothing in the meantime. He turned down a one-day job last week that our older brother offered to drive him to. Even if it’s only for one day, it would give him some experience and at least some money to hold onto. When I suggested he go to therapy (which is covered by our mum’s insurance), he said he didn’t need it, just a diagnosis. Like… there are steps to this. And the wildest part? He talks all the time about going to Stanford or Caltech and working at NASA.I’m not trying to crush his dreams, but he has no track record of following through, and no plan that actually reflects what those goals would require. Even if ADHD is a factor, you still have to put in the work. Medication alone doesn’t fix everything. At the end of the day, I can technically afford to help. I just don’t want to, because I don’t trust I’ll ever see that money again. And I don’t think it’s fair to take away from my education, something I’ve planned for and worked toward, because he refuses to help himself. Am I being unreasonable for saying no?

Navigating Family Expectations

Dr. Eli Finkel, a relationship researcher at Northwestern University, emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries to manage family expectations. He notes that young adults often face pressure from family members to financially support siblings, which can lead to resentment and stress.

Dr. Finkel suggests that open conversations about financial responsibilities can alleviate tension. He advises that discussing individual goals and sacrifices is crucial for mutual understanding. This approach not only clarifies expectations but also helps maintain healthy family dynamics.

Let’s see how the Reddit community reacted.

Big-Question-9513

He’ll figure it out.

AttemptOverall7128

Financial experts like Farnoosh Torabi warn that young adults must prioritize their finances when entering college. They recommend creating a budget that includes tuition, living expenses, and savings for emergencies. Establishing clear financial goals allows students to allocate money wisely and avoid unnecessary debt.

Moreover, Torabi encourages students to seek part-time work or internships that align with their career goals. This not only provides financial support but also invaluable experience, helping to mitigate the pressure of family expectations.

He needs to work it out on his own.

bookish-catlady

It’s not your job to pay for your brother.

Witty-Help-1822

You need that money.

Annie041874

The Role of Financial Education

Dr. Angela Duckworth, a psychologist known for her work on grit and perseverance, highlights the gap in financial literacy among young adults. She asserts that many students are unprepared for the financial responsibilities of college and adult life.

To address this, Duckworth suggests integrating financial education into high school curriculums. This empowers students with practical skills to manage their finances effectively, reducing the likelihood of future stress related to family obligations.

Let your mom bail him out if she wants to.

CornerAffectionate24

He’s not your financial responsibility.

Playful_Robot_5599

Don’t give him any money!

Remarkable_Log6944

Experts in family dynamics, like Dr. Janet Lansbury, emphasize the importance of fostering independence among siblings. She notes that when one sibling is expected to support another financially, it can create an unhealthy dependency.

To combat this, she suggests encouraging siblings to develop their own financial skills and responsibilities. This approach not only promotes self-sufficiency but also helps build a more equitable family environment, allowing each member to thrive without undue pressure.

NTA.

Stacy3536

YWNBTA.

archetyping101

It’s not your problem.

Rare_Sugar_7927

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Financial psychologist, Farnoosh Torabi, emphasizes the importance of setting healthy financial boundaries within families. She suggests that young adults should express their financial limitations and future aspirations clearly to their families.

Practicing assertive communication not only clarifies expectations but also fosters respect for one's financial journey. Torabi further recommends involving family members in discussions about financial planning to create a supportive environment that aligns family expectations with individual goals.

You’ll never get that money back.

Frosty-Succotash-931

He blew his money, don’t let him blow yours too.

ScarletNotThatOne

At the end of the day, the Redditor isn’t being stingy—she’s being realistic. Her college fund has a purpose, and it’s not to rescue someone who refuses to take responsibility.

Sometimes the hardest lesson isn’t about money at all, but about learning when to say no.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights the tension between personal responsibility and familial expectations. The Redditor's careful planning reflects a strong sense of agency and future orientation, while her brother's lack of initiative suggests avoidance behavior, possibly rooted in fear of failure or anxiety. Ultimately, her struggle to say no is a common challenge when balancing empathy for family with the need to prioritize one's own goals and well-being.

Professional Assessment & Guidance

In navigating the complex dynamics of family expectations and personal finances, young adults can significantly benefit from expert insights and strategies. Establishing open lines of communication is crucial for balancing familial obligations with individual goals.

By prioritizing financial literacy and setting healthy boundaries, students can create a more supportive environment as they transition into adulthood. Ultimately, it's about fostering mutual respect and understanding within families, ensuring that all members can pursue their aspirations without undue pressure.