Religious Parents Want Their "Sinful" Son To Come Out Before Brother's Wedding, Freak Out When He Declines

For a variety of reasons, some people decide to come out to their parents when they are older—or not at all. When weighing the pros and cons of various options, it is acceptable to take your current living circumstances into account.

If you came out to your parents, would they no longer be able to support you emotionally or financially? Some people choose not to come out until they have a solid support network and are financially independent.

The OP of today's story didn't elaborate on his living conditions, but he has been out as gay to his parents since he was 17. However, because he was raised very religiously, he was told never to date anyone.

As a result, the OP didn’t have a serious committed relationship until his current boyfriend. The OP's father has surprisingly improved over time, but his mother still makes comments about his relationship that make him uncomfortable.

OP's brother got engaged to his girlfriend, and their parents are over the moon about it. The problem now is that OP's parents told him to call his father's family and come out to them before the wedding.

Their reasoning was that it would ruin his brother's big day if they found out at the wedding. The OP wasn't comfortable doing that with people he only speaks to once every five years.

Read the full story as you scroll down below.

The OP writes

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They didn’t want the father’s family to know as his family is all very religious

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Navigating Family Expectations and Identity

The pressure to conform to family expectations, especially regarding sexuality, can lead to significant psychological distress.

Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychologist at the University of Utah, emphasizes that coming out is not just a personal journey but also a relational negotiation that can deeply affect family dynamics.

This tension often arises from the fear of rejection or loss of familial support, which many individuals grapple with when considering disclosing their sexual orientation.

She told the OP that he was inconsiderate and she knew what his brother wanted

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And the comments roll in...

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

My family is very conservative and religious, and they would be the kind of people who would ruin my brother's wedding just to make a point about how I am living in sin, especially since I am the Best Man and my boyfriend will be sitting with me at the wedding party table.

This is my boyfriend, nice to meet you

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That's how OP's brother wants it

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Research indicates that family acceptance significantly influences the mental health outcomes of LGBTQ+ individuals. According to Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex therapist, "Family acceptance can be a powerful protective factor against mental health issues in LGBTQ+ youth." Those who experience acceptance from their families tend to have higher self-esteem and lower rates of depression. Therefore, the insistence on coming out before significant family events can create an added layer of stress and anxiety for individuals, as noted by Dr. Michele Gelfand, a cultural psychologist, who states, "The pressure to conform to family expectations can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and isolation."

She's trying to spare herself

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OP's brother and the wife are his real family

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The OP left this in the comments

This isn’t necessarily in defense of my mother, but to her credit, some of the people that are supposed to come are the type who would throw his wedding off the rails to make a point.

As a compromise

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She can face the difficult conversations

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The Psychological Impact of Conditional Love

Conditional love, where acceptance is contingent upon meeting certain expectations, can create feelings of inadequacy and fear of rejection.

Dr. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability highlights that such conditional acceptance can severely impact a person's self-worth and emotional health.

Building a foundation of unconditional love within families can foster healthier relationships and support emotional well-being.

Wedding don'ts

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OP's brother sounds great

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To navigate these complex family dynamics, individuals can benefit from establishing clear boundaries and open channels of communication.

Therapeutic interventions, such as family therapy, can provide a supportive environment for discussions about identity and acceptance.

Encouraging family members to engage in empathy-building exercises can also help foster understanding and acceptance.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates the complex interplay between family expectations and individual identity, which can lead to significant psychological distress.

Understanding these dynamics is crucial for promoting healthier family interactions and emotional support.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating familial expectations around identity is a challenging but essential process.

With the right support and communication strategies, individuals can foster healthier relationships and enhance their emotional well-being.

The OP only comes out at his own convenience, so his mother's desire for him to tell the dad's family before the wedding has less to do with him and more to do with those who would probably share her views on sexual orientation. Because the OP isn't listening to her comments, she might want them to drop their thoughts, too.

OP's brother has expressed his thoughts clearly, and despite what his mother may believe, he doesn't want what she wants. Eventually, the OP was declared not the AH.

The Role of Communication in Family Relationships

Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts related to identity and familial expectations.

Studies show that families who engage in open dialogues about sensitive topics tend to have stronger emotional bonds and better conflict resolution skills.

Encouraging these conversations can lead to increased understanding and acceptance among family members.