Family Therapy In Mud As Older Son Prefers To Be Sent Away Than Treat Stepsiblings As Real Siblings

Anger can arise from sibling rivalry in even the most harmonious families. Sibling rivalry is normal as children grow and discover who they are and where they fit in the world.

Most parents of several children have had the task of trying to stop a fight between their children at some point. The likelihood of envy and sibling rivalry is bound to increase if you have stepchildren.

Stepsibling relationships can be very turbulent and exhibit more aggressive behavior because it's common for disputes to break out when children who don't know each other live together. Fights are inevitable when your own children don't appreciate sharing you with their new siblings, and your stepchildren are adjusting to their parents' divorce.

The 16-year-old OP lives with his dad, his younger brother, and sister, as well as his dad's wife, Gwen, and her two kids. OP's mom died years ago, and Gwen's ex took off when she was pregnant with her son, so neither child knows him or has memories of him.

According to the OP, Gwen's kids are not his siblings, and he does not love them or feel the same big brother protectiveness. His relationship with them is very different from the one he has with his actual siblings.

The kids have felt less loved because of this, so OP's dad and Gwen wanted the three of them to talk things through in therapy. Read the full story below to learn how that went.

The OP writes

Reddit/Careless_Ranger6209

He would still let them sleep on the floor of his room if they wanted

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Understanding Sibling Rivalry

Sibling relationships can often be fraught with competition and rivalry, particularly in blended families. Dr. Nancy Murdock, a developmental psychologist at the University of Minnesota, explains that children may feel threatened by the presence of stepsiblings, leading to feelings of jealousy and rejection.

This behavior is rooted in the desire for parental attention and affection, which can be exacerbated in complex family dynamics.

How the OP treats his actual siblings is always going to be different

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Gwen said she didn't want the OP in the house, and Dad said he understood

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

In therapy, I was brutally honest, and that was already maybe not a great way to speak; like, maybe toning back the brutally part could have helped. But then I said that my dad could send me away if they wanted, and that might be another thing that pushed me into the AH category. Or maybe I was already there before that. I know being so honest, especially to the mother of the kids who was trying to make a home that was better for them, might be kind of a dumb AH move already. But I just showed I would rather be sent away than work on everything being equal.

And the comments roll in...

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OP's father is an...

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Research shows that unresolved sibling rivalry can impact emotional development and interpersonal relationships later in life. A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that children who experience significant rivalry often struggle with trust and intimacy in adult relationships.

Understanding these dynamics is essential for parents to foster healthier sibling relationships.

Gwen has destroyed every chance

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She wasn't around

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The Importance of Emotional Safety

Creating an emotionally safe environment is crucial for children in blended families. According to Dr. Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, emotional safety is vital for healthy attachment and relationship development.

When children feel safe, they are more likely to engage positively with their siblings and parents, fostering healthier family dynamics.

OP's father is the major AH

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They didn't like it

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Encouraging open dialogue about feelings and concerns can help alleviate tensions between siblings. A family therapist might recommend using structured activities that promote bonding, such as team-building exercises or shared projects, to facilitate connection and understanding.

This approach allows children to express their feelings in a supportive environment, reducing conflict and promoting empathy.

What OP's mom would have wanted

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OP's dad sucks

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The OP should be brutally honest because he is in therapy. There is nothing wrong with his family dynamics, as he is kind to his stepsiblings and treats them properly.

Also, you cannot force love, and many Redditors considered OP's father to be a bigot, as he can't justify sending his kid away because his new wife is angry that the OP won't pretend they aren't his stepfamily. The OP has been let down by the one person who ought to have his back, but he was still declared not the AH.

Psychological Analysis

In this scenario, the older son's reluctance to accept stepsiblings reflects common challenges in blended families. It's essential for parents to recognize these dynamics and work towards fostering a sense of unity and emotional safety among all children to promote healthier relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

This situation highlights the complexities of sibling relationships in blended families. Research indicates that fostering open communication and emotional safety is crucial for developing healthy sibling bonds.

By implementing intentional strategies, families can create an environment where all children feel valued and respected, ultimately strengthening family ties.

Strategies for Blending Families

Blending families requires intentional strategies to foster unity. Dr. Patricia Papernow, an expert in stepfamily dynamics, emphasizes the importance of establishing new family traditions and rituals that provide a sense of belonging for all children.

These practices can help children feel valued and included, reducing feelings of rivalry and competition.