New Mom Called Cruel For Responding To Friend's Hurtful Comments

No one should ever invalidate another person's feelings, as it can be a damaging event for that individual. Emotional invalidation can have a significant negative effect on our relationships, mental health, and overall well-being.

It occurs when someone minimizes, downplays, or rejects our feelings, leaving us with the impression that we are inadequate, irrelevant, or mistaken. Self-doubt, anxiety, melancholy, and a decline in closeness and trust in relationships can result from this.

The OP has a friend, Lindsay, who has been invalidating her feelings, and she has chosen to start distancing herself from her. Lindsay and the OP are both in their early thirties.

OP has known her for the better part of a decade, though over the last few years, they have become considerably less close. When the OP was trying to get pregnant, Lindsay told her that she couldn’t picture her as a mother.

She went further to add that not everyone needs to be a parent. The OP overlooked that, but Lindsay sent another comment when the OP finally became pregnant.

Mind you, Lindsay has no children, but she has babysat and worked as a nanny. The OP decided not to invite her to her baby shower based on those comments.

The OP gave birth and texted a photo of her child to a group chat that Lindsay was in. She dropped another comment, and the OP felt compelled to reply.

Keep scrolling to read the full story in the OP's own words.

The OP kicks off her story

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Lindsay said she would be a way better mother than the OP and that the OP has options

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The Impact of Social Pressure on New Parents

The transition to parenthood is often fraught with social expectations and pressures, which can lead to heightened sensitivity to criticism. According to a study by Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in parenting, new parents may experience increased anxiety and defensiveness, especially in response to perceived judgments from others.

These feelings can stem from a desire to protect their parenting choices and validate their new roles, making them more reactive to comments, especially during vulnerable moments.

"Your child’s name is cringey af and he’ll get made fun of as a kid"

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The Reddit post got hundreds of comments and here are a bunch of the most upvoted ones

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I told my friend that when she has kids, she can name them whatever she wants. 2. She may never be able to have kids. She feels I rubbed that in her face.

She has been trying to get pregnant

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Her personal struggles don't give her a free pass

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Moreover, the concept of social comparison can intensify feelings of inadequacy among new parents. Research indicates that individuals often gauge their parenting skills against those of others, leading to feelings of insecurity when they perceive others as more competent.

This can create a cycle of defensive responses as new parents feel the need to justify their choices in the face of criticism, rather than engaging in constructive conversation.

Her comments have a common theme

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She seems to be struggling in a mental place

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The OP left this detail somewhere in the comments

Lindsay is well aware that my husband and I struggled with infertility for a few years prior to getting pregnant.

A correct and well-said statement

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There are thousands of kids to be adopted

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Coping Strategies for New Parents

To navigate the challenges of unsolicited advice, Dr. John Gottman suggests that new parents should develop a strong support network of trusted friends and family who respect their choices. Building a community of like-minded individuals can provide reassurance and validation, helping to counterbalance negative feedback.

Additionally, practicing self-compassion can be beneficial. Research shows that self-compassion can mitigate feelings of inadequacy and help parents respond to criticism more calmly.

It's better not to engage with her

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects the intense scrutiny new parents often feel, which can lead to defensive reactions. When faced with criticism, it’s natural for parents to want to protect their choices, especially during such a vulnerable time. Encouraging open dialogue and supportive relationships can help alleviate this pressure and foster a more positive parenting experience.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, new parents face unique challenges that can trigger emotional responses to criticism. Understanding the psychological mechanisms behind these reactions can help them navigate social pressures more effectively. By fostering supportive relationships and practicing self-compassion, new parents can reduce feelings of inadequacy and enhance their confidence in their parenting choices.

Some Redditors say that Lindsay is being a horrible person, but all of a sudden, when her feelings are at stake, she is acting out. Some Redditors didn't even think her plight was that real, and they wondered if she was only playing with the OP's emotions.

You cannot have a history of spewing hate speech and then have the gall to become offended when someone corrects you. Truly, not everyone deserves sympathy; however, the OP was declared not the AH.