40 People Share How Childhood Medical Neglect Still Echoes In Their Lives Today

Most of us learn early that a thermometer on the nightstand means care is coming. A parent’s sigh, a call to the clinic, a warm hand on a forehead. That is how safety gets wired in.

You hurt, someone shows up. You speak, someone listens. But for many, those early lessons never came. Illness was brushed aside. Pain was called dramatic. Requests for help were met with silence, anger, or a TV turned up louder.

On one viral thread, people described what it’s like to grow up in bodies that were asking for help while the adults around them looked away. The details vary, but the pattern clicks fast. Missed diagnoses. Home remedies that turned to scar tissue.

Teeth that never got cleaned. Knees that never got scanned. A hundred small decisions that added up to a lifetime of consequences.

Reading through it, you feel two things at once. The grief of what could have been. The relief of finally naming it. Neglect can be loud or quiet. Sometimes it is a slammed door.

Sometimes it is simply nothing at all. Either way, it teaches kids to doubt their own signals. And that lesson follows them into work, relationships, and doctors’ offices years later.

"My ankles crack and pop really badly. They get really sore when it is storming out."

"Permeant scaring down my left leg from knee to ankle."

Mom screaming at me for thinking I needed to go to ER for 6 deep gashes running down my leg after hooking myself on a fence. We're talking past muscle to bone. She wanted to watch her "shows" and it was "no big deal". My legs and clothes were covered in blood and I could barely walk. Angrily she brought paper towels and taped them on my leg, called me stupid and walked away. No antibacterial prevention whatsoever.I only lived half a mile from the hospital and was a teen so normally would've walked but could only crawl. Left those paper towels on my leg for a few days because mom wouldn't help and I couldn't get them off. Thank God my HS friend at the time was a new medic in the army because when I told him about it he rushed over and properly changed my bandages. The paper towels were beginning to heal with flesh that should've been stitched to begin with and was terrible to clean out + repair. He used what he could and got me antibiotics since I didn't get the help I should've had.The affect? Permanent, ugly scaring. A ton of anger/resentment. Mom's refusal to take responsibility to date. The embarrassment of having to expose my neglect to a fairly new friend who immediately asked me w*f was wrong with my mom. Oh and as an adult? I ignore EVERY pain and health concern regarding my body because my entire childhood was made up of situations where my illness + injuries were non-existent or "not that bad" so I'm so far disassociated from my body it's hard to believe I live in one at times.And the real kicker? NPD mom has munchausen syndrome. She's been dying of every made up thing on a daily basis my entire life. I NEVER was allowed to be ill, that was her spotlight, not mine ever. Even if I was really sick or ya know, I was seriously injured and should've got stitches.VegetableHour6712

"Aging hits harder when you’re still catching up on the checkups you missed as a kid. "

Childhood Trauma Insights

Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned physician and author, emphasizes that early medical neglect can lead to long-lasting emotional and physical health issues. He explains that when children's emotional and physical needs are disregarded, it can result in a chronic sense of unworthiness and vulnerability.

Maté's work highlights that these experiences often manifest later in life as anxiety, depression, or even chronic illness. Understanding this connection can be crucial for healing and emphasizes the importance of nurturing environments during childhood.

Many psychologists suggest that engaging in activities that promote self-care can significantly aid recovery from childhood medical neglect. Dr. Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and self-compassion in her research.

Practicing self-care routines, such as mindfulness, exercise, and creative outlets, can help individuals reconnect with themselves. These activities not only enhance emotional health but also empower individuals to advocate for their needs effectively.

"When your medical history reads like a sequel no one asked for."

"I started experiencing symptoms of fibromyalgia at 11. I didn't get a diagnosis or start treatment until I was 23 despite being in pain and fatigued pretty much every day of my life."

"I was often ill as a child and would get tonsillitis several times a year."

I quickly learned that being ill meant being, at best, an inconvenience, and at worst the cause of all our family problemsMy nmother would often get mad and shout at me for “getting ill on purpose” and “being an attention-seeker yet again”. I now don’t go to the doctors or dentists unless absolutely truly necessary because I expect to get shouted at.Charlotte1902

Psychotherapists often note that emotional neglect can significantly impact adult relationships. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, points out that individuals with histories of neglect may struggle with trust and intimacy.

These patterns often lead to conflict and misunderstandings in partnerships. Improving communication skills through therapy can help individuals learn to express their needs effectively, thus fostering healthier relationships.

"I suffered medical neglect, I was not taken to the doctor from age 10 on."

Which is crazy considering both of my parents have mental and physical disabilities. I think their own fear of the doctor made them just not want to take me in unless something was wrong, but even when there was something wrong they didn’t take me. I was told to “rub some dirt on it” or that I was “young, you’ll feel better tomorrow” and my personal favorite “oh you’re sore? Imagine how I feel, you don’t have the right to complain about pain because you don’t know real pain like I do”. I remember I broke my wrist skateboarding and all they did was buy a cheap wrist brace. My wrist now clicks when I move it because it healed improperly, X-rays have confirmed this and there’s nothing the doctors can do about it.As an adult, I finally went to the doctor, explained that I hadn’t had any vaccines or physicals for a decade, and we started running tests. I have scoliosis, endometriosis, anemia, and fibromyalgia. That’s not even mentioning my mental health. Like… f**k them for all their “suck it up, you’re young” talk. Right now, my doctor is starting to think I might have MS, which is absolutely hilarious because my stepmom has MS and that was always the reason she told me to shut up and deal with the pain.GalacticGoku

Disabled. Joints don't work, stomach doesn't work, brain doesn't work.

"As a teen, I was told I wasn’t sick, I was just trying to skip school!"

When I was still in bed 4 days later, through the entire weekend, Nmom begrudgingly commented, maybe you are sick…. Severe bronchitis with the onset of pneumonia. Thanks Nmom.Now, when I’m sick, I’m terrified that my boss will accuse me of faking it just so I can skip work. Which is ridiculous because I’m one of the most non-absent people I know!I have a hard time accepting that I’m sick or injured.Longjumping_Lynx_460

The Importance of Validation

Dr. Virginia Satir, a pioneer in family therapy, believed that validating a child's feelings is essential for emotional development. She argued that when parents dismiss a child's pain or concerns, it sends the message that their feelings are unimportant.

Such disregarded emotions can lead to lifelong struggles with self-esteem and emotional regulation. Satir's approach suggests that fostering open dialogue and validating emotions can significantly improve outcomes for children who experience medical neglect.

"My teeth are totally messed up."

JuniorPomegranate9

"Not neglected per se, but basically told at age 10 that if I were to open up about what was happening at home I would be in trouble."

"I’ve started the process of getting diagnosed for hEDS and POTS."

A child psychologist noted that childhood medical neglect can lead to an internalized sense of shame, making it difficult for adults to advocate for their health. This shame often stems from a learned belief that their needs are not important.

Therapists recommend practicing self-compassion and engaging in cognitive behavioral therapy to challenge these negative beliefs. By reframing their narratives, individuals can begin to prioritize their health and well-being, ultimately breaking the cycle of neglect.

"All my teeth are rotting and my jaw clicks when i chew."

Fuzzy_Toe_9936

Autoimmune diseases probably due to stress and trauma.

pfunkvt

"My parents are the best at ignoring something long enough that it seemingly goes away."

Healing Through Therapy

According to Dr. Judith Herman, a trauma expert, trauma-informed therapy can be beneficial for those affected by childhood neglect. Her work highlights the importance of creating a safe space for individuals to process their experiences.

Therapies that focus on building resilience and self-worth can help survivors recognize their inherent value. Engaging in such therapeutic practices can facilitate healing and empower individuals to reclaim their voices.

"She never took me to a doctor but for some reason loved taking me to the dentist."

"My mother was extremely selective about what she felt was necessary pay attention to medically. "

"I’ve got celiac. Had digestive and bowel problems my whole childhood."

Experts in developmental psychology emphasize that early intervention can help mitigate the effects of childhood medical neglect. Dr. Dan Siegel suggests that fostering a secure attachment and promoting emotional literacy can significantly improve children's resilience.

Families can incorporate practices like mindfulness and open discussions about feelings to enhance emotional connections and support. This proactive approach not only benefits children but also strengthens family bonds, creating a nurturing environment for growth.

Turns out surviving childhood on high alert isn’t the same as living well.

"My mom was told by multiple teachers, my direct teachers and just other teachers."

told her to get me diagnosed for something cause I was excelling in academics but I was socially messed up (spoiler: it was autism) and she just ignored them cause she was embarrassed to have an autistic kid. And when my siblings started (also autistic) and they noticed a pattern but no diagnosis for any of us they just shuttled us into the “gifted” program so we had something I guess. They could have like called cps but I digress.Swimming_Olive_7021

"I wish I had any but my mom ignored my need for jaw surgery, didn't "notice" when I relapsed, didn't do (m)any follow ups, kind of overall left me in a lurch roughly a year post op."

The Role of Education

Dr. Linda Darling-Hammond, an education expert, argues that schools play a crucial role in identifying and addressing childhood neglect. Teachers trained in recognizing signs of emotional and physical neglect can provide critical support for affected children.

Implementing programs that promote social-emotional learning can foster an environment where students feel safe and valued. This approach equips children with the skills to express their needs and seek help when necessary, ultimately contributing to their overall well-being.

"I was honest with my doctors. I didn't see a gynecologist til my mid 20s because family didn't do birth control, I was expected to be a virgin then given to a man in an arranged marriage, so it's not like I'd ever have STDs right? "

When I finally went I was like look, I'm really nervous, I'm had a lot of medical neglect and this is actually my first time here. I feel stupid having never been to do this stuff before so please be patient with me. They understood completely.However, generally speaking, I'm like almost dying before I'll seek help for anything. My brain keeps telling me I'm stupid and this is like some weakness in me to be sick, not anything real. It's horrible.Scheissekase

"Right there with you I’m sorry. All of my siblings too. Besides the dental and medical neglect the main thing is just how it all affected me."

"Sorry you were neglected. Unfortunately, insisting on too much medical intervention is also a narc thing."

Many therapists advocate for the importance of self-advocacy among adults who experienced childhood neglect. Dr. Rick Hanson explains that learning to voice one's health concerns is a significant step in overcoming past neglect.

Practicing assertiveness in medical settings can empower individuals to take charge of their health. Simple techniques, such as role-playing conversations with a therapist, can enhance confidence in expressing needs effectively.

"Old habits die hard—especially the one where you pretend you’re not in pain."

Genetics set the stage, but neglect wrote the script.

"I was just last year, at age 37, diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type. I have always been absent minded and get hyper-focused on my interests."

But because I never caused trouble, had excellent grades, and stellar standardized test scores, I “didn’t need the help.” I also struggled a lot with anxiety and sometimes depression.

Last year I started Stratera, and it was a giant help with the anxiety and depression. Didn’t help with the focus much so I started a low dose of adderall this spring.

Holy hell it feels like I’m suddenly running my life on Easy mode.

anon

Community Support Systems

Community support is vital for those recovering from childhood medical neglect. Dr. Tara Brach, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes the importance of building supportive networks that foster connection and understanding.

Engaging in community groups or support circles can provide individuals with the validation they missed in childhood. Such environments encourage healing through shared experiences and promote a sense of belonging, which is crucial for emotional recovery.

"My teeth are so crooked."

I got diagnosed with gluten intolerance at age 26, after a lifetime of relentless stomach cramps, diarrhea, headaches, eczema, and pain in my joints.

One visit, two fillings, a lifetime subscription to dental regret.

Experts in trauma recovery stress the significance of understanding the long-term effects of childhood medical neglect. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma researcher, explains how unresolved trauma can manifest in various ways, including physical illness.

His research indicates that addressing these traumas through somatic therapies can facilitate healing. Activities like yoga and mindfulness meditation can help individuals reconnect with their bodies and emotions, promoting overall well-being.

"My ND has a fear of needles, so he never went to the dentist."

Because he never went to the densit, I never went for regular dental cleanings as a kid either. I had braces, but no cleanings in between, and didn’t get the retainer after. When I first became an “adult”, and I picked a dentist, he (the dentist) talked smack to me for not going regularly and needing a deep cleaning, etc done so of course I didn’t go back again. A few years later, I was having some issues and found a different dentist. He (that dentist) had a conversation with me and simply asked me why I didn’t go and what my fear was. I explained, he was very kind, talked to me about what needed to be done and why, and we got the work done that I needed. Now I go every 3 months for a cleaning (2 through insurance, and I pay 2 OOP) to avoid needing to have any additional work done. I’ve been doing this like clockwork with this one dentist since 2017/2018.I also make sure to go for my annual medical exam once a year and have my blood panels ran just to make sure I’m staying healthy. I only went to the doctors as a kid for chicken pox, casts, and stitches.tdybr07

Never taught how to brush our teeth. Never taken to a pediatrician…..didn’t receive all vaccinations.

Estudiier

"I don't go to the doctor until things are so bad I wind up hospitalized."

Fostering Emotional Intelligence

To combat the effects of childhood medical neglect, developing emotional intelligence is crucial. Dr. Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, argues that understanding and managing emotions can lead to better life outcomes.

Practicing self-awareness and empathy in daily interactions can help individuals recognize their emotional needs and those of others. This awareness fosters healthier relationships and promotes resilience against future challenges.

"I may have Ehler’s Danlos, just found out at 32. I also have a horrible spine (kyphoscoliosis) because therapy was not given early enough for my condition."

"This was way before Obama care or even public insurance. Infertile by my 20's and diabetes by 32."

PCOS. I got diagnosed the same year that public health insurance came out. I had to go to the ER when I was 12 for a cyst the size of a golf ball. I couldn't make a follow up appointment because I was a minor and dad would just whine and complain when I asked him to do it. He said that prayer should work but it didn't so no grandchildren for him.anon

"I tend to assume I'm just faking it or being melodramatic."

Therapists specializing in trauma recovery often recommend journaling as a therapeutic tool for processing past experiences. Dr. James Pennebaker's research indicates that expressive writing can lead to significant emotional healing.

By regularly reflecting on their feelings and experiences, individuals can gain insights into their emotional patterns, facilitating a clearer understanding of their past and its impact on their present. This practice can empower individuals to articulate their needs more effectively.

"Childhood neglect taught her to avoid doctors; adulthood taught her she’d need insurance to try."

"I was born with bilateral clubbed feet. Apparently, it was quite a severe case. Mom said my big toes touched the insides of my knees. "

For over a hundred years now, the treatment has been tried and true: castings and braces.When my nephew was 7 months old Mom had some sort of attack of remorse and took me out to lunch to admit to me that my braces at that age had been set too far apart and I'd howled in pain for hours and hours. She didn't take me to hospital. She didn't remove the braces. She didn't call the doctor. She beat me semiconscious.It was actually here on reddit that I figured out the longer term consequences of her shame. A lady came on and talked about her son, who had a clubbed foot and the treatment of braces and castings and how long they're meant to be done. Which was clearly not done for me since I have NO memory of braces or casts. Mom stopped doing it. So, instead, I have a memory of a surgery I had to try and correct my feet.It didn't work. I have foot deformities now, and I have pain. I have always had pain. I was taught not to express it because it makes people uncomfortable. Especially Mom.Don't worry, folks, we are fully NC, and between the foot deformities and the spinal and hip issues they caused, I'm now solidly on what one might call "The Good Stuff."kifferella

Daily pain from a neglected orthopedic issue that could have been fixed in childhood.

That is what the doc now says, so it’s pain for life for my because ndad couldn’t be bothered for a doc appointment for me. GC sis got as much as she wanted of everything. Just I wasn’t allowed to go.

randomusername1919

Creating Safe Spaces

Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in attachment theory, argues that creating safe emotional spaces is essential for children and adults alike. In her work, she emphasizes the need for environments where individuals feel heard and valued.

Implementing practices that promote open communication and emotional safety can help individuals rebuild trust in relationships, ultimately paving the way for healing. Such environments can be fostered in both family settings and therapeutic contexts.

"My teeth aren’t too great. I should have had jaw surgery but my mom said we couldn’t afford it and if I had the surgery I would “bankrupt” them."

The thread isn’t just about bad childhoods. It is about the stories our bodies carry and the adults we become because of them. If you grew up ignored, basic care can feel like a confession. It takes nerve to schedule the exam, ask the question, or say the word pain out loud. But every appointment is a small rewrite. You get to become the adult who shows up for you. If this hit a nerve, share it with someone who might need to hear they’re not imagining things. Then, if you can, make that call. Your body has been waiting a long time.

Moving Forward: Actionable Steps

Addressing the echoes of childhood medical neglect requires a multifaceted approach that includes therapy, community support, and self-advocacy. Experts emphasize that understanding the long-term impacts of such experiences is vital for recovery.

Strategies like fostering emotional intelligence, engaging in support networks, and practicing self-compassion can empower individuals to break the cycle of neglect. As Dr. Gabor Maté states, healing starts with recognizing one's worth and learning to voice one's needs. With appropriate support and tools, individuals can transform their narratives and cultivate healthier relationships.