Single Dad Holds Firm on Chore-for-Rent Deal with College Daughter Despite Her Protest About Not Having Enough Study Time

With the skyrocketing costs of housing, people will do anything for a financial break—even if it means bunking with parents and trading chores for rent, just like one savvy college student.

This story begins with a 20-year-old college girl who recently moved back home after what must have been a failed attempt to tough it out. The deal? She lives rent-free, and in return, she cooks and cleans. Simple enough, right? 

She and our narrator (Original Poster), her dad, initially agreed it was a fair trade-off, but things recently got a little spicy. As the semester rolled on, she found herself buried under a mountain of textbooks and assignments. 

Cooking and cleaning, it turned out, were taking a toll on her study time. So, she approached him with a request: could she cut down on kitchen duties to focus more on her studies? Well, folks, the answer was a resounding no.

OP, channeling his inner tough-love guru, reminded her that many of her peers juggled 9-5 jobs with school. To him, a few hours of chores seemed like a small task in comparison.

Feeling dismissed, the daughter dialed up OP’s sister for some backup. In true family drama fashion, she called him to deliver a stern lecture about being too strict and not listening to his daughter's plight.

Now, here's where things get murky. OP believed his original agreement bred responsibility and gratitude, but after getting an earful from his sister, he began second-guessing himself. 

Was the initial deal fair, or was he being too rigid?

Let’s Dig into the Details

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After OP’s daughter moved back home from college, she made a deal to cover her living arrangement. Later on, she became burdened with the number of tasks and requested a reduction.

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Understanding the Psychology Behind Chore Negotiations

Dr. Emily Carter, a psychologist at the University of Michigan, explains that negotiating chores and responsibilities can often reflect deeper family dynamics.

Her research indicates that when children push back against parental expectations, it may signify a struggle for autonomy, especially during their college years.

This phase of life is characterized by a quest for independence, and it's natural for students to feel overwhelmed by competing demands.

OP rejected his daughter’s proposal, pointing out that working kids her age had it worse. Subsequently, the girl reported to her aunt, who criticized OP for being too strict.

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OP wants to maintain the initial agreement but needs third-party opinions on the matter.

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Studies show that parental expectations can significantly impact a child's self-esteem, particularly in stressful situations like college.

When parents impose conditions such as chore completion for rent, they may unintentionally increase the child's anxiety, potentially affecting academic performance.

Understanding this could help parents approach these discussions with more empathy and flexibility.

OP tries to explain certain concepts surrounding their relationship and maintains that other people would be excited to have his daughter’s opportunity.

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OP is certain that allowing his daughter to get a 9-5 will make her appreciate the cooking/cleaning offer more.

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The Role of Autonomy in Young Adults

Psychological theories of autonomy emphasize the importance of self-governance in emerging adults, particularly in educational settings.

Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that young adults who feel they have more control over their lives are more likely to succeed academically and socially.

Therefore, finding a balance between responsibilities and autonomy is crucial for both the parent and the college student.

We Gathered Some of the Highest Upvoted Comments:

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“You are not asking her to do some chores; you have her cooking and cleaning full-time for a family. That’s a huge difference.”

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Practical strategies such as setting clear expectations and allowing for negotiation can be beneficial in these situations.

For instance, parents might consider allowing their child to propose a chore schedule that aligns with their study commitments, fostering a sense of ownership.

This approach not only encourages responsibility but also nurtures the relationship by promoting open communication.

“Cooking involves planning/shopping for ingredients, prep, and the actual cooking. It can take a huge chunk of time.”

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“Three meals a day, every day? On top of cleaning? She isn't the parent here.”

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After the flood of comments labeling OP the a**hole, he couldn’t resist stepping in to set the record straight: First of all, he wasn’t a ‘wicked stepmother.’ He also went through his fair share during college and believed she could, too.

The backlash didn’t entirely change his stance, but he did offer a compromise inspired by some Redditors. His daughter could either get a job to cover rent or stick with the original deal with a tweak to chore days. It's a harsh lesson in balancing fairness and responsibility.

What do you think about this story? Share your thoughts with us.

“She’s just 20, and you’re making her cook and clean every day like a maid while she’s going to college? She’s your child. Let her study.”

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“This is a lot of work. A job of work, in fact, because it's already a job. Your daughter is now your stay-at-home wife.”

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Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates a common tension between independence and responsibility in parent-child relationships. It's vital to recognize that while chores are important, the emotional well-being of the student should also be prioritized during this demanding period of their lives.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research highlights that effective communication and mutual respect are essential in family dynamics, especially during transitional phases like college.

According to the American Psychological Association, fostering an environment where young adults feel understood can lead to healthier relationships and better outcomes.