A Father Refuses Auto-Pay On His Son’s Student Loans And It Explodes
A financial promise collides with illness, pride, and resentment.
Seven years ago, OP’s life split in half. His marriage ended, and the divorce left lasting damage, both financially and emotionally.
At the same time, his son was just starting college, right in the middle of everything falling apart.
As part of the divorce agreement, OP took full financial responsibility for his son’s education. The original plan was to pay tuition outright, but once assets shifted and money tightened, that changed.
Instead, OP asked his son to take out student loans with the understanding that they would be paid off later. A lump sum, once school was finished.
Life didn’t go as planned.
OP admits he made some bad decisions after the divorce, including a relationship that caused even more financial fallout. Then came cancer.
Insurance covered most of the treatment, but the co-pays and recovery still took a toll. Despite all of that, OP began covering the student loan payments about six months ago.
The system they landed on was simple. Each month, his son would send a Venmo request, and OP would pay it.
Things shifted again after graduation. OP’s son landed a great job and now earns more than his father. Around the same time, OP found out he had cancer again.
Before that diagnosis, his son had asked if they could set up automatic payments instead. He said having to request the money every month added to the stress of carrying the loans. OP said they could look into it.
After the new cancer news, the topic came up again. The conversation turned sharp. OP felt hurt and unsupported. His son felt like he was being forced to chase money tied to a legal agreement.
Now both feel wronged, and neither seems willing to budge.
Scroll through the screenshots below to read how this agreement turned into a deeply personal conflict.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of backstory
Reddit.comOP’s son is now a graduate and earns more than him, however, OP is still responsible for his son’s student debt. In addition, his son encouraged him to set up an automatic payment for ease
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Before OP could set up the auto-pay, he discovered that he was sick again. To his surprise, his son called, but was still eager to bring up the money topic instead of prioritizing his health
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We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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“YTA for not doing what you knew you were supposed to a whole entire DECADE ago.”
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“You've had YEARS to pay his student debts, you've chosen the way that is the most annoying and stressful for your son.”
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“YTA. This was the legal agreement, not I'll pay it if nothing else comes up.”
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“YTA - you agreed to pay - he was kind enough to allow you to defer payments.”
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“So you had the money to pay, wanted to play around and avoid it for a while, lost money, and now that you are sick…”
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“YTA. You made a promise which likely was determining factor in him staying in college and racking up college debt.”
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“If you had followed the divorce settlement and not get into bad relationships this wouldn't have happened.”
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OP sees the payments as something he’s honoring despite everything life has thrown at him. His son sees unpredictability and emotional weight tied to money that was promised long ago.
Cancer, divorce, and financial strain all complicate what might otherwise be a simple logistical fix. Neither is arguing about whether the money should be paid, only how it should be handled.
Do you think OP’s refusal to set up auto-pay is reasonable given everything he’s facing, or is his son asking for basic stability? Share your thoughts in the comments.
