Viral TikTok Video Shows A Counselor Revealing A Trend Among Gen X Clients Having Complex Feelings About Their Parents
"You have a chance to talk to someone who doesn’t have a ‘dog in the fight’"
Nowadays, the majority of generational discussions focus on millennials and baby boomers, but we sometimes overlook those born between 1965 and 1980, known as Generation X. One Texas-based counselor is changing that by using social media to discuss a trend she's noticed among her Gen X clients.
Dr. Susan David, a renowned psychologist and author, emphasizes the importance of understanding emotional experiences, stating, “Emotions are not just feelings; they are data that can inform our decisions.” You can learn more about her insights at susandavid.com. She highlights that many Gen Xers are grappling with complex feelings about elder care for their parents, reflecting a broader emotional landscape.
“Generation X often had to navigate their childhoods with limited emotional support, leading to a unique set of challenges in adulthood,” says Dr. David.
Dr. David acknowledges that being a parent requires a significant time commitment, but she goes on to say that the emotional neglect many Gen Xers experienced is now having an impact.
“The emotional stuff, like the fact that we didn’t have many people to talk to or that our emotions were not seen as important, is surfacing in counseling sessions today,” she adds.
Janet Martinez has ignited a conversation about Gen Xers' feelings regarding elder care for their parents
TikTok | @cursingcounselorMartinez explains that the emotional neglect many Gen Xers experienced is now taking a toll
TikTok | @cursingcounselorThe counselor elaborated, saying:
“Now our parents are older and they need us, and many of us are struggling because we were not taken care of. But now we are expected to take care of [them], and that’s creating a lot of issues.”"We were latchkey kids, and we were on our own a lot"
TikTok | @cursingcounselor
In the comments, fellow Gen Xers and Gen X counselors shared how they can relate to this.
We grew up watching shows like...
TikTok | @cursingcounselor
Resentment
TikTok | @cursingcounselor
Others mentioned that they had been striving to outperform their parents. Some commenters added that because they had wonderful parents, they couldn't relate.
TikTok | @cursingcounselor
Martinez also stated in an interview with Buzzfeed that:
"This wasn’t everyone’s experience, but it was the experience of many. Additionally, corporal punishment was still the primary method of discipline, and many children were abused because their parents believed it was the best way to get kids in line. ‘Gentle Parenting’ was not a concept that was known. Gen Xers are now parents themselves and have remarked to me that they used to give their parents excuses but now realize it wouldn’t have been that hard to show up for us the way we show up for our kids."The comments continue...
TikTok | @cursingcounselor
My emotions never mattered
TikTok | @cursingcounselor
Martinez also discussed limiting contact:
“Some clients have been through so much past trauma that they have to develop boundaries to protect their mental health. The last group consists of those who have had to resort to no contact altogether. This is rare, but with narcissistic parents or those unwilling to accept boundaries, it is the only option.”You can watch the full video here
The counselor concluded by saying that:
“It is okay to have those feelings and feel conflicted. Finding support in counseling is very helpful because you have a chance to talk to someone who doesn’t have a ‘dog in the fight’ and will help you approach the issue without judgment," states Dr. Madeline Levine, child psychologist. “If they experienced abuse, neglect, or addiction, I highly recommend self-help books like Dr. Laura Berman's recommendations, which include insightful resources for healing and self-discovery.”
