Person Asks Coworker to Stop Brushing Hair at Desk and Faces Tension

Working in a shared office space comes with its challenges. Different personalities, routines, and quirks all blend together, and what seems normal to one person might feel distracting (or even unhygienic) to another.

Navigating these small but awkward conflicts often raises the question of where to draw the line between personal comfort and respecting a coworker’s choices. One employee recently found themselves in this exact situation after asking a colleague to change a daily grooming habit that was hard to ignore.

According to OP, their office has about ten people working in close proximity. Sitting directly across from OP is a coworker they’ve called “Anna.” While most interactions are fine, Anna has a habit that OP finds hard to tolerate: she brushes her hair at her desk every single day, usually in the late morning or after lunch.

This isn’t just a quick fix after being outside—it involves pulling out a large paddle brush and brushing for several minutes while still working at her computer.

For OP, the problem isn’t just distraction. Strands of hair end up scattered around Anna’s desk and sometimes float onto OP’s side. At first, OP tried to hint at the issue with a lighthearted joke about her “shedding,” but Anna didn’t take it seriously. So, after weeks of frustration, OP decided to address it directly.

The OP asks:

OP works in an office with about 10 people sitting close together.

Understanding the Psychology of Personal Space

Our reactions to personal space intrusions, like a coworker brushing hair at a desk, can be linked to our innate need for personal space. This need varies among individuals and cultures, but it is a universal aspect of human behavior (Hall, 1966). When this space is invaded, it can lead to discomfort and tension, as seen in this office situation.

She uses a large paddle brush and spends several minutes brushing.

Loose strands end up on her desk, the floor, and sometimes drift toward OP’s workspace.

Moreover, this situation also highlights the concept of workplace norms. Norms are shared expectations about how things operate within a group setting. As Dr. Daniel Goleman, an emotional intelligence expert, states, "Social norms are critical for fostering collaboration and understanding in any environment." In a work environment, norms can dictate everything from how meetings are conducted to how we maintain our personal hygiene. When someone violates these norms, like the colleague brushing their hair at their desk, it can create conflict, as noted by Dr. Esther Perel, a prominent couples therapist, who emphasizes that "when expected behaviors are disrupted, it can lead to misunderstandings and tension among colleagues."

She didn’t argue, just nodded, but became cold and distant afterward.

Since then, she barely speaks to OP, and the vibe feels uncomfortable.

So, after weeks of frustration, OP decided to address it directly. They politely asked Anna if she could brush her hair in the bathroom instead, explaining that it felt distracting and wasn’t very hygienic in a shared workspace.

Anna didn’t argue, but her demeanor shifted. Since then, she’s been noticeably cold and distant, leaving OP to wonder if they embarrassed her. OP insists they weren’t rude and tried to be respectful, but they’re questioning whether they overstepped by asking at all.

On one hand, OP feels entitled to a reasonably clean and distraction-free workspace. On the other, Anna might feel singled out or judged for something she didn’t consider a big deal.

Was OP right to set a boundary about workplace etiquette?

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Or did OP overstep by making Anna feel singled out and judged?

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The Role of Communication in Conflict Resolution

Research shows that clear communication is often key in resolving such conflicts. According to relationship expert Dr. Esther Perel, "The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives." Engaging in a problem-solving dialogue where both parties' needs and concerns are considered can lead to better outcomes. Furthermore, Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that "successful relationships are built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect," which can be fostered through open communication.

People can be so....

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This is unbelievable...

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This situation highlights the delicate balance of office etiquette. In shared environments, small habits can easily rub others the wrong way, even if they aren’t malicious or intentional.

Addressing them directly often risks awkwardness, but letting them go can create resentment. In the end, OP’s request wasn’t about policing hygiene but about setting boundaries for comfort in a space everyone has to share.

The real question is whether Anna can see it that way—or whether the tension will linger as an unspoken workplace divide.

How can people do such things?

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Psychological Analysis

This situation really underscores how our need for personal space can clash with others' habits in a shared environment. OP's discomfort highlights a common psychological response to perceived invasions of space, which can lead to feelings of annoyance or even resentment when boundaries aren't respected. Anna’s cold response might suggest she feels embarrassed or judged, showing how sensitive we can be about personal grooming in public settings—even if it seems trivial to some.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating office dynamics effectively requires an understanding of personal space, respect for shared norms, and effective communication. When these are in balance, it enhances positive interpersonal relationships and fosters a harmonious working environment. However, when disrupted, it's important to communicate openly, respectfully, and assertively, striving for a solution that respects everyone's comfort and productivity (Myers, 2015).