Coworker repeatedly borrows and never returns pens - AITA for refusing to lend?

A 28-year-old woman refused to lend her coworker yet another pen, and now the office is quietly taking sides. It sounds petty until you realize these aren’t random office pens, they are her favorite colored gel pens, the ones she labeled with her initials, and the ones that keep disappearing.

Her coworker, Sarah, sits right next to her and has a whole routine: borrow them right before meetings, promise she will return them, then “forget” or suddenly can’t find them. She has already lost several pens to Sarah’s “I left it in the meeting room” and “I think I dropped it somewhere” excuses, so when Sarah asked for her black ballpoint pen before a client meeting, OP finally snapped and said no.

And of course, the day OP refused, the whole situation turned into a public awkward moment, with Sarah looking hurt in front of everyone.

Original Post

I (28F) work in a busy office with a coworker, Sarah, who sits next to me. Sarah constantly borrows my colored gel pens to use during meetings and always promises to return them but conveniently forgets.

These pens are my favorite stationery items, and I've even labeled them with my initials. Each time I ask for them back, Sarah gives me excuses like, 'Oh, I left it in the meeting room' or 'I think I dropped it somewhere.' It's frustrating because these pens are not cheap, and I've lost several already because of her carelessness.

Last week, Sarah asked to borrow my black ballpoint pen right before an important client meeting. I refused, explaining that I needed it for my own notes.

She seemed irritated but didn't push further.

Lo and behold, by the end of the day, that pen had mysteriously vanished too. Feeling fed up with her lack of responsibility, today, when she asked for a pen, I outright said no.

I told her I've lost too many pens already, and I cannot keep lending them if she doesn't take care of returning them. Sarah looked hurt and embarrassed in front of our other coworkers, and I could tell she was annoyed.

My other coworkers haven't said anything, but I'm starting to wonder if I was too harsh. So, Reddit, am I the a*****e for refusing to lend my coworker my pen after she repeatedly borrows and never returns it?

In the realm of office dynamics, trust plays a pivotal role, especially when it comes to sharing personal items like pens. The scenario presented highlights a growing frustration with a coworker who consistently borrows but never returns. This behavior can breed feelings of betrayal, as the borrower’s lack of accountability undermines the very foundation of mutual respect and trust essential for a harmonious workplace. The repetitive nature of this borrowing creates an atmosphere of irritation, making collaboration increasingly difficult. The refusal to lend a pen in this case is not merely about an item but reflects deeper issues of respect and accountability that are vital for maintaining healthy relationships in the office.

Comment from u/FunkyMonkey2001

Comment from u/SnickerdoodleDreamer

OP’s colored gel pens have Sarah’s name written all over them, except Sarah never actually writes them back into OP’s desk.

When OP refused Sarah’s request for the black ballpoint pen before the client meeting, that was the first time Sarah had to face consequences.

Honestly, it’s frustrating when someone consistently borrows and doesn’t return items. This behavior can trigger feelings of being taken advantage of, which is rooted in our need for fairness and reciprocity in relationships. The psychological concept of 'social exchange theory' suggests that we expect a balance in give-and-take, and when that balance is disrupted, it can lead to conflict.

Also, these 60+ images proving good design never ages feel like the opposite of your pen saga.

Comment from u/TacoTuesday_4eva

Comment from u/OceanicTeaAddict

Then the black pen “mysteriously vanished” by the end of the day, which is exactly when OP decided she was done being the pen bank.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

Comment from u/RainbowNinja_42

Now that Sarah asked again and OP said no, the office watched Sarah get embarrassed while OP wondered if she went too far.

In this scenario, the refusal to lend a pen highlights the importance of establishing boundaries in workplace relationships. The repeated borrowing without return creates an imbalance that can lead to frustration. By clearly communicating the expectation that personal items should be respected, a more respectful and harmonious office environment can be cultivated.

Nobody wants to keep funding Sarah’s meetings with disappearing pens.

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