She Just Wanted To Be Nice - But Her Coworker Took Advantage

In many offices, colleagues often help each other out with small tasks. Picking up lunch, sharing rides, or covering a short absence are common ways people support one another.

However, sometimes these favors go beyond simple teamwork and begin to feel like pressure. When one person takes advantage of another’s kindness, it can create stress and discomfort in the workplace.

This is the situation OP, a 26-year-old employee, has been facing for the past year. One of her coworkers, Stan, is almost a decade older and regularly asks her for personal favors.

What began with small requests, like picking up food or dropping him off at the mechanic, quickly turned into bigger demands, such as dog-sitting or even house-sitting. OP admits she finds it hard to say no.

She enjoys helping people, but she also recognizes that some may use her good nature for their own benefit. Stan seems to take advantage of this. He often asks leading questions about her plans or availability, then follows up with a request. This leaves OP feeling cornered and unsure how to refuse.

The situation has become increasingly uncomfortable. Stan’s wife lives far away, and he doesn’t appear to have close friends nearby.

He even suggested that OP move in with him when she was looking for a rental, which she immediately declined. Her boyfriend dislikes Stan and has warned her that he is a leech.

Although OP avoids doing favors now, Stan keeps pushing, especially about watching his dog. He even makes comments in front of other coworkers, adding to her discomfort. With his desk right behind hers, avoiding him completely is nearly impossible.

OP feels trapped—wanting peace at work without escalating the issue to HR. Her main question is whether avoiding him makes her unreasonable or if it’s the healthiest choice.

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The Psychology of Reciprocity

The situation OP is facing may well be explained by the psychological principle of reciprocity. Reciprocity describes the social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action, and it's often leveraged in relationships to maintain balance and fairness. However, this balance can be disrupted when one party begins to take advantage of the other's goodwill, as seems to be the case here. As noted by Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, a renowned marriage therapist, "When one partner is consistently giving more than they receive, it can lead to feelings of resentment and imbalance." This concept is widely studied in social psychology, emphasizing the importance of mutual respect and fairness in interactions.

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OP's situation also brings to light the psychological concept of emotional labor, a term coined by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert. He explains, "Emotional labor involves managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job." This suggests that OP may be performing emotional labor by maintaining a positive demeanor despite her discomfort with the situation. Furthermore, Dr. Esther Perel emphasizes that "the ability to navigate emotional labor is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships, both personal and professional."

OP needs to learn about boundaries.

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He's recognized OP as a people pleaser.

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Excessive reliance on a coworker for personal tasks can lead to burnout, as noted by Gretchen Rubin, happiness researcher, who states, "When we take on too much for others, it can drain our emotional resources and lead to chronic stress." This sentiment is echoed by Ed Mylett, motivational speaker, who emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, saying, "You must protect your energy and prioritize your well-being to avoid burnout." It's essential for OP to establish these boundaries to prevent overwhelming stress and emotional exhaustion.

"I have a personal appointment."

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This guy gives off weird vibes.

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The Power of Assertiveness

Assertiveness training, as emphasized by Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, can be particularly advantageous in such situations. She states, "Learning to assert oneself is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries and ensuring that one's needs are met." This training empowers individuals to express their needs and advocate for their rights respectfully. It may be time for OP to take a stand and clearly articulate her concerns to her coworker.

He's not going to stop until OP makes him uncomfortable.

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OP needs to be direct and intentional.

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The 'Door in the Face' technique, a compliance strategy studied by Cialdini et al. (1975), might be useful for OP. The technique involves making a large request that is likely to be refused, followed by a smaller request. The coworker, having refused the initial request, might feel compelled to agree to the smaller one, thereby relieving some of the burden on OP.

If OP stops helping, he’ll figure it out soon enough.

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It's time for a calm discussion with Stan.

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Workplace Relationships and Mental Health

Healthy workplace relationships are crucial for mental well-being. Research (2018) shows that workplace stress and strain, often resulting from imbalanced relationships, can lead to various mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. It's important that OP addresses this issue before it adversely affects her mental health.

OP needs to set clear boundaries.

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OP needs to be direct.

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OP’s discomfort is understandable. While occasional favors between coworkers are normal, repeated requests that feel manipulative cross into unhealthy territory.

Stan’s behavior shows a lack of respect for boundaries, and it is reasonable for OP to limit interactions. At the same time, his loneliness and personal struggles may explain, though not excuse, his persistence.

Avoiding him may not make OP “the bad person” but rather someone protecting her own peace. Setting clearer boundaries—or involving HR if the pressure continues—remains a practical way forward.

Ultimately, maintaining professionalism while safeguarding personal space is a balanced response to this challenging workplace dynamic.

He’s harassing OP and creating a hostile environment.

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Psychological Analysis

OP's situation highlights a classic case of boundary violations in the workplace, where one person's kindness is exploited by another's demands. It’s common for people to struggle with saying no, especially when they’re people pleasers, which can lead to emotional burnout and stress. Stan's behavior not only reflects a lack of respect for OP's boundaries but may also stem from his own loneliness, illustrating how interpersonal dynamics can complicate workplace relationships.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, OP's predicament involves several psychological principles and phenomena, including reciprocity, assertiveness, emotional labor, and the potential for burnout.

It is critical for her to set boundaries and assert her needs to ensure a healthy and balanced working relationship. Moreover, organizations should foster a culture that promotes fairness and respect to prevent situations like this from arising in the first place.