Stay-At-Home Dad Complains To His Breadwinner Wife About His Mountainous Chores Despite The Nanny, Babysitter, And Team Of Cleaners She Hired To Help Him

A couple is rethinking their working spouse/stay-at-home parent dynamic after the wife realized her husband wasn't holding up his end of their deal. Two years into their marriage, OP and her husband discussed and agreed that he would be a stay-at-home parent.

It made financial sense because OP had a higher income from her full-time and part-time jobs. OP's mom lived with them and helped care for the kids when they decided.

OP hired contractors to maintain their yard and pool, as well as a weekly house cleaner to ease her husband's workload. When her mom moved out of the house, OP also hired a nanny to take care of the kids from Monday to Thursday, from 8 A.M. to 5 P.M.

Her husband ticks off tasks from a chore list OP made for him while the nanny is around. Every Friday, her husband takes care of the kids until 3 P.M., when the babysitter arrives.

Friday from 3 P.M. onwards is their designated date night. Each morning, OP wakes up with her husband to spend a few hours with their kids.

She cooks their dinner daily and helps him prepare their children for bed. During weekends, they spend the day together with their kids.

Admittedly, OP sleeps in while her husband stays with the children. OP estimated that her husband should have five to six hours of free time during weekdays, where he could do whatever he wanted.

He uses those hours to go golfing, tinker around with an old car, or play video games.

u/Still_Screen8186

During one of their weekends, an argument ensued. OP told her husband that he would at least get a break the next day.

u/Still_Screen8186

He refuted that, saying he couldn't because OP kept adding tasks to his list.

u/Still_Screen8186

Understanding the Dynamics of Domestic Labor

Research from the American Psychological Association indicates that the division of labor within households often reflects deeper societal norms and individual expectations.

In many cases, stay-at-home parents may feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities, leading to feelings of inadequacy or resentment.

This situation can be exacerbated when external help, like nannies or cleaners, is perceived as insufficient or not aligned with the family's needs.

They argued back and forth until OP snapped that if he thought his workload was just as taxing as any other working parent's, then maybe he should get a job. The chores, she said, could be divided evenly.

u/Still_Screen8186

Her husband accused her of being unfair. He said OP would regret the decision because he does so much for their family at home. OP doesn't think it would be a difficult transition if her husband returned to work.

u/Still_Screen8186

Redditors were curious about the husband's full chore list. Something must have been left out of the post if her husband feels exhausted.

angiehome2023

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, the emotional labor involved in managing a household can be taxing, especially for those who feel unsupported.

Many individuals in these roles experience a phenomenon known as 'mental load'—the cognitive effort of planning and organizing family tasks that often goes unnoticed.

When this burden isn't acknowledged, it can lead to significant stress and emotional fatigue, which can strain relationships.

Nothing was left out of his chore list. It was OP who omitted her contributions.

Still_Screen8186

Their original agreement was to have a nanny for two days out of the week. They added two more days when her husband asked for more help. Hiring a house cleaner was also a choice made after a flippant comment.

PemsRoses, Still_Screen8186

Her husband could be depressed, but he refuses to see a doctor.

Tricky_Parsnip_6843, Still_Screen8186

The Role of Communication in Conflict Resolution

Effective communication is crucial in resolving conflicts related to domestic roles. Research shows that couples who engage in open dialogues about their expectations and feelings are more likely to come to a mutual understanding.

Utilizing techniques from couples therapy, such as active listening and expressing needs without blame, can significantly improve relational dynamics.

This approach not only helps clarify roles but also fosters empathy, allowing both partners to feel heard and validated in their experiences.

After reading through her comments, Redditors were confused about why her husband needed to be a stay-at-home parent when they have a whole team of people managing their household and taking care of their children.

efficacious_natural, Still_Screen8186

Many expressed bewilderment at her husband's interpretation of what he should do as a stay-at-home parent.

TaratronHex, Reddit

Other stay-at-home parents wished they had it as easy as OP's spouse.

Environmental_Art591

Studies suggest that recognizing and appreciating the contributions of each partner can transform feelings of resentment into gratitude.

Implementing regular family meetings where each member discusses their tasks and feelings can promote equity and collaboration.

This strategy encourages a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility, which can alleviate feelings of isolation for stay-at-home parents.

He barely parents their kids, said some commenters.

hiketheworld50

A commenter pointed out that OP is partially to blame for allowing her husband to think his lack of effort was okay.

KaoJin-Wo

OP agreed and casually mentioned that she was convinced their marriage was a-okay after a few counselors made it seem that way.

Still_Screen8186, subtlyobscene

The Importance of Self-Care

Psychologists emphasize the necessity of self-care for caregivers, as neglecting one's own needs can lead to burnout.

Engaging in personal interests, setting boundaries, and seeking support can enhance overall well-being and improve household dynamics.

Research shows that when caregivers prioritize their mental health, they are better equipped to manage stress and can create a more harmonious home environment.

They've seen three male counselors whose advice was for OP and her husband to be attentive to each other's emotional and physical needs.

Still_Screen8186

Her husband felt attacked when they initially sought guidance from a female counselor.

Partygoblin, Still_Screen8186

OP realized she wasn't blowing things out of proportion after reading through the replies to her post. Her husband threatened to file for divorce if OP didn't back down. OP doesn't plan on taking back any of what she said.

Still_Screen8186

Redditors were sympathetic to OP's plight. They felt she was underreacting to what was a stressful dynamic at home.

It was undeniable that OP did most of the heavy lifting at home. Their understanding was for her husband to be the stay-at-home parent while OP took care of the income to support their lifestyle.

OP did what was asked of her. Her husband failed to meet the expectations she listed for him and tried to convince her she was asking too much from him when she reminded him of their deal.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects common patterns in household dynamics where one partner may feel overwhelmed by unrecognized contributions.

It's essential to address these feelings through open communication and mutual support to prevent resentment and improve overall family functioning.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, understanding the emotional and psychological impacts of domestic roles is essential for fostering healthy family relationships.

Research demonstrates that open communication, mutual respect, and self-care are foundational elements in balancing household responsibilities effectively.