Dad Offers "Spoiled" Kids Chance To Work For Him And Earn Spending Money, Gets Accused Of Forcing His Choices
This dad’s plan to teach responsibility didn’t land the way he hoped within the family.
A dad who works remotely as an engineer came up with a plan he thought would help his three kids grow a bit.
His boys, 14 and 8, already show interest in the kind of problem-solving he does every day. The 10-year-old leans toward art and has her own creative lane, but she’s open to understanding how things are built.
He figured he’d pay them to learn, not in a strict way but as a small weekly project that teaches real skills. The plan was $10/hr for simple tasks, then maybe $20 later for his oldest if he actually becomes useful in the workflow.
In his mind, this wasn’t pressure. It was a chance to earn money, save for future goals, and get a taste of the professional world.
Unfortunately, his wife didn’t see it the same way. She felt he was pushing his preferences onto the kids.
The argument hit harder when he explained how he imagined their daughter could blend art with industrial design, which unintentionally made his daughter feel like pure art wasn’t “enough.”
The dad meant well, but his good intentions landed the wrong way.
He later talked things out with the little girl, and surprisingly, she got excited about designing his logo and building a site for her artwork.
The situation ended on a hopeful note, but it raised some questions within the Reddit community.
Scroll through the screenshots below to see how the conversation unfolded.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comOP offered to pay his kids to work for him, but his wife if not happy with the idea. She feels he is forcing them to learn his line of work
Reddit.comOP gave more context on the matter
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Parental Guidance Insights
Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned child psychiatrist, emphasizes that teaching responsibility through work can foster independence in children. He notes that children benefit when parents provide opportunities where they can explore their interests while learning essential life skills through practical tasks.
He suggests that parents should balance guidance with autonomy, allowing children to make choices that align with their interests. This approach not only cultivates responsibility but also enhances self-esteem as children see the fruits of their labor.
Practical Approaches to Teaching Responsibility
To enhance the effectiveness of teaching responsibility, experts recommend incorporating gradual task complexity. Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, suggests starting with simple tasks that align with each child's interests.
For instance, a child interested in art might start by organizing art supplies, while another might assist in basic engineering projects. This tailored approach not only makes the learning process enjoyable but also sets a solid foundation for more complex responsibilities in the future.
He took some time to speak with his daughter, and she’s excited about the offer
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OP’s motive for this is to give his kids valuable skills that can help them in the future
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We gathered some important comments from the Reddit community
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Experts in family dynamics, like Dr. Janet Lansbury, emphasize the importance of allowing children to express their preferences when engaging in work. She highlights that imposing tasks can lead to resentment and a lack of motivation.
Instead, she advocates for a collaborative approach where parents and children discuss potential projects together. This method fosters a sense of ownership and enthusiasm, making children more likely to engage willingly and learn effectively.
“YTA, because you've tried to impose this unilaterally rather than coming to an agreement with your wife.”
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“YTA. They're too young to be working in a professional setting.”
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“NTA you're not forcing them to do anything, you've asked them and are even paying them.”
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Navigating Family Expectations
Dr. Carol Dweck, a well-known psychologist, emphasizes the significance of a growth mindset in children. When parents encourage their kids to see challenges as opportunities for learning, it diminishes feelings of being forced into decisions.
Instead of framing these tasks as chores, parents might discuss the benefits of learning new skills in a fun and engaging way. This perspective helps children feel empowered, making them more receptive to taking on responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed or coerced.
“No. NTA at all. You shouldn’t force your kids to do what you want them to? That’s just called parenting.”
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“In general I approve of the concept of teaching the value of money young.”
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“YTA, teach them life basics like doing chores around the house.”
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Family therapists suggest that setting clear expectations about work and responsibilities can help alleviate tension. Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, notes that regular family meetings can be an effective tool for discussing roles and responsibilities.
These meetings provide a platform for children to voice their opinions and concerns, creating a collaborative family environment. By allowing children to participate in discussions, parents can cultivate a sense of inclusivity that encourages greater buy-in for the tasks assigned to them.
Everyone in this story had a real point. The dad wanted to give his kids a head start and teach them how effort connects to reward. His wife wanted to make sure the kids didn’t feel boxed into his interests or pushed too early toward work.
The conversation only blew up because both sides cared about the kids’ future in different ways. Once they slowed down and listened, the tension eased, and the path forward made more sense.
What do you think about how they handled it?
Expert Opinion
This situation highlights a classic conflict between different parenting styles. The dad's intention to teach responsibility and the value of work reflects a common desire among parents to prepare their kids for the future, but it can easily be misinterpreted as pressure, especially when it feels like it’s rooted in his own preferences. It’s essential for families to communicate openly about expectations and values, as both the dad and his wife ultimately want what's best for their kids, just from different angles.Psychological Framework & Solutions
Incorporating expert advice can significantly enhance the efficacy of teaching responsibility within families. Insights from professionals like Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Janet Lansbury highlight the need for balance between guidance and autonomy. By fostering open communication and considering children's interests, parents can create an environment where responsibility is embraced rather than resisted.
As Dr. Carol Dweck emphasizes, adopting a growth mindset aids in transforming perceived obligations into opportunities for personal development. Ultimately, through thoughtful approaches, parents can empower their children to thrive in their responsibilities.
