Redditor In Crisis Asks For Advice On Whether He Should Get Paternity Test To Confirm If Daughter Is Biologically His

What would you do if you thought there was a chance your child wasn't biologically yours? Would you want to find out the truth, or would you rather not know?

Reddit user u/ThrowRAdadornot is facing that exact dilemma, and he recently shared his story in the r/relationship_advice subreddit. The OP explained that he and his girlfriend of nine years broke up about two years ago.

The couple has a five-year-old daughter together, and they still get along well enough to co-parent. The OP even stays over at his ex's house sometimes to save on driving.

However, recently, something has been bothering the OP. Shortly after they broke up, his ex started dating an old friend, and the OP says there is a real possibility they were hooking up long before their breakup.

Now the OP is wondering whether his daughter is, in fact, biologically his. The Redditor says his little girl looks very much like her mother but nothing like him.

Despite this, the OP is unsure if he wants to know the truth or not. He loves his little girl and doesn't want anything to change between them.

The OP is conflicted, and he's unsure what he should do, so he asked the Reddit community for advice. Keep scrolling to see what they had to say.

The Redditor asked if he should find out if his daughter is biologically his.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

The OP said he would rather ask for advice from strangers than family or friends.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

He explained that his girlfriend of nine years broke up with him about two years ago.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

The Psychological Weight of Doubt

Experiencing doubt about paternity can create significant psychological distress. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "Doubt can erode the foundation of trust in a relationship, leading to emotional turmoil and conflict." This uncertainty can lead to anxiety and tension in family dynamics, undermining the trust that is essential for healthy relationships. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship expert, notes that "When trust is compromised, it can create a ripple effect that impacts not just the couple, but the entire family unit." This highlights how unresolved doubts can lead to "a cycle of suspicion and fear, impacting not just the parents but the children involved as well."

They have a five-year-old daughter together, and still get along well enough to co-parent.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

The OP says he sometimes stays over at his ex's house to save on driving.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

Shortly after they broke up, the OP's ex started a relationship with an old friend.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, these thoughts can spiral, leading to obsessive questioning and potentially damaging the father-daughter bond. As studies suggest, the longer uncertainty persists, the more likely it is to affect the individual's mental health and relationships.

Dr. John Gottman’s research indicates that emotional management in relationships is crucial; thus, addressing these feelings openly can help prevent long-term damage.

Now the OP is wondering if they were hooking up the whole time.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

The OP is wondering if he should get a paternity test.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

He says his daughter looks very much like her mother, but nothing like him.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

Navigating Family Dynamics and Trust

Addressing paternity questions can be challenging, but open communication is key. Research shows that families who engage in honest discussions about concerns tend to experience improved outcomes and lower levels of conflict.

Additionally, seeking professional guidance, such as family therapy, can provide a safe space for all parties to express their feelings and work through the implications of a paternity test.

But the OP isn't sure if he wants to know the truth.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

He doesn't want anything to change.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

But the OP is worried that things will never be the same if he finds out his daughter isn't biologically his.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

Practical steps include setting aside time to talk with the child's mother about concerns while framing the discussion around feelings rather than accusations. Using 'I' statements can help mitigate defensiveness, allowing for a more productive dialogue.

As the American Psychological Association advocates, creating a supportive atmosphere where both partners feel safe to share their thoughts can lead to healthier family dynamics.

He is concerned that his ex might not let him see his little girl.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

So the OP asked the Reddit community for advice.

Reddit/ThrowRAdadornot

TLDR

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Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/eyecicey

"Find out, in secret."

Reddit/Charming_Foot_495

"You can't go through your life with this nagging doubt hanging over your head."

Reddit/AllInkalicious

Is it worth it?

Reddit/ConIncognito

"Clearly it's bothering you."

Reddit/Pretend_Atmosphere41

"Go to a lawyer first."

Reddit/vr_rogue_2022

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP should find out the truth about his daughter, or should he leave things as they are?

It's a tough decision to make, especially with the OP's relationship with his daughter on the line. However, if he doesn't find out for sure, he will always wonder.

We would love to hear your opinions on this topic. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

Psychological Analysis

Experiencing doubt about paternity is often rooted in deeper issues of trust and security within the relationship. It's important to recognize that these feelings are valid, and addressing them head-on can help alleviate anxiety and strengthen family bonds.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research indicates that doubt in family relationships can have far-reaching effects on emotional health. It's essential to acknowledge these feelings and address them constructively.

As noted in various family therapy studies, proactive communication can significantly improve trust and connection within the family unit, emphasizing the need for open dialogues.