Debating Walking Out on Friends Who Made Me Wait 2 Hours: AITA?

Are you ever caught in a situation where you question the loyalty of your friends? In a recent Reddit post, a user shared their experience of being left waiting for two hours in the cold by their college friends.

The OP, feeling like the "backup friend" in the group, often excluded from plans and the target of jokes, had made plans to hang out near a friend's place, an hour away. Despite confirming the meeting time multiple times, the friends kept the OP waiting with zero communication until two hours after the agreed time.

When questioned, they responded rudely and dismissively, offering no apologies even a week and a half later. The post sparked a heated discussion with users sympathizing with the OP's feelings of being undervalued and disrespected by their so-called friends.

Many commenters agreed that the behavior of the friends was unacceptable and suggested the OP find new, more respectful friends. Some even pointed out the possibility of a separate chat group without the OP, indicating a lack of genuine friendship.

The consensus leaned heavily towards the OP not being at fault, with many advising them to distance themselves from such toxic relationships. The thread highlighted the importance of mutual respect and consideration in friendships.

Original Post

For context, I've been friends with this small group of people in my college's film program for about a year and a half now. There's four of us-- me, Andy, Chris, and Jeremy.

Those aren't their real names but I guess they're close enough. Most of us live in the downtown area of our state's biggest city, but Andy lives in the outskirts of the suburbs.

For the longest time I felt like the "backup friend" as I would rarely be included when they would make plans to h**g out; and I also felt like the butt of every joke. The other Monday, we made plans to hangout around where Andy lives (an hour away from everyone else).

I texted in the groupchat what time we should meet up at the train station so Andy can pick us up, and Chris says, "He gets off work around five I think." I then ping Andy to make 100% sure what time we should be there. His actual response.

"Chris just send a f*****g text. Do you not know how to f*****g read bro?" Okay, I guess, but kind of rude.

Five it is. The next day, I get ready at 3, leave around 4, and get there right before 5.

I text to see if any of the other guys are on their way. No response.

I wait until 5:30. I text a few more times.

Still no response. I'm standing here at the train station in the cold, with zero communication.

I don't get any response from literally anyone until 6:00. "I'm on my way now.

I'll be there *in an hour*." **That's a total of** **two hours after the time I was given; and that he spoken to me like a jerk for trying to clarify.** I just go ahead and leave, and tell them how cartoonishly inconsiderate of my time that was. The response, "I can't do much about traffic dawg, I ain't Moses of the modern age." It's been over a week and a half and I still haven't gotten a single apology from anyone.

Am I overexaggerating, or was that a d**k move?

The experience of waiting for friends can trigger feelings of rejection and disrespect, significantly impacting self-esteem. Research has shown that social exclusion can lead to increased feelings of loneliness and anxiety (Williams, 2007). When individuals feel like "backups," as this OP described, it can exacerbate these feelings, leading to a negative self-perception. Understanding the psychological implications of social situations like this can help individuals process their emotions and decide on appropriate responses.

For example, reflecting on one's value in relationships can help reinforce self-worth.

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A study from the University of California, Berkeley, suggests that effective communication is key in maintaining healthy relationships. When friends fail to communicate, as seen in this scenario, misunderstandings can fester, leading to resentment (Gottman, 1994). The lack of communication not only affects the person waiting but also reflects poorly on the individuals who are late. By establishing clear expectations and checking in with each other, friends can avoid similar situations in the future.

Encouraging open dialogue about punctuality can foster empathy and respect.

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According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, the success of friendships often hinges on how well individuals handle conflict. In this situation, the OP’s feelings of being disrespected could lead to confrontation or withdrawal, both of which may escalate the situation negatively (Gottman & Silver, 1999). Rather than leaving abruptly, it might be beneficial to express feelings openly after the wait. This can transform a hurtful experience into a constructive dialogue, reinforcing the friendship.

Practicing 'I' statements can help communicate feelings without assigning blame.

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Social psychology research highlights the importance of personal boundaries in friendships. Individuals often struggle to articulate their needs, which can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment. A study from the University of Michigan found that clear boundary-setting can enhance relationship quality and satisfaction (Kahn et al., 2015). The OP's experience of feeling like a 'backup friend' suggests a need for setting clearer expectations within the group.

By discussing personal boundaries openly, friends can create healthier dynamics and mutual respect.

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The emotional impact of feeling disrespected by friends can lead to a range of negative feelings, including anger and betrayal. Research indicates that emotional intelligence plays a critical role in managing these feelings (Mayer & Salovey, 1997). The OP could benefit from developing emotional awareness to better navigate interpersonal conflicts. Recognizing one's emotions and understanding their triggers can empower individuals to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.

Engaging in mindfulness practices can enhance emotional regulation skills.

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It’s essential to consider that friendships are complex and can be influenced by factors like personal stressors and life changes. Dr. Lisa Neff's research on self-compassion suggests that individuals who practice self-compassion tend to have healthier relationships because they are more forgiving and understanding (Neff, 2003). In this case, the OP might reflect on whether their friends are facing external pressures that led to the delay. A compassionate approach could foster empathy and strengthen the group dynamic.

Encouraging a culture of understanding can lead to stronger connections.

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Finally, the importance of self-advocacy in friendships cannot be overstated. Research shows that individuals who effectively advocate for their needs tend to experience more satisfying relationships (Rosenberg, 2014). The OP's situation presents a valuable opportunity to advocate for personal needs without guilt. Learning to express one's needs respectfully can empower individuals to set the tone for healthier friendships moving forward. This approach can ultimately lead to more fulfilling and respectful interactions.

Role-playing potential conversations can help build confidence in this area.

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Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

Psychological Analysis

The situation in the article highlights a common dynamic in friendships where one person feels undervalued and disrespected. This sense of being a "backup friend" can lead to feelings of resentment and betrayal, especially when coupled with a lack of communication and dismissive attitudes from peers. Ultimately, these behaviors often stem from deeper issues of social hierarchy and the need for validation, which can leave individuals questioning the quality of their relationships and their self-worth.

Analysis generated by AI

Behavioral Analysis & Pathways Forward

In summary, the dynamics of friendship can be complicated, especially when communication falters. By understanding the psychological principles at play, individuals can navigate these situations with greater awareness and emotional intelligence. The research highlights the need for open communication, boundary-setting, and self-advocacy in fostering healthier relationships. As Dr. Gottman emphasizes, conflict resolution is a key component of long-lasting friendships. By implementing these strategies, individuals can transform potentially hurtful experiences into opportunities for growth and deeper connections with their friends.