Debt-Stricken Stay-at-Home Mom Refuses to Share Side Income with Spendthrift Husband: AITA?
AITA for not sharing my side income with husband despite our mounting debt from his spending habits?
A 28-year-old stay-at-home mom is getting dragged for refusing to hand over her tiny side income to a husband who spends like the credit cards are limitless. And when she says they are drowning in debt from medical bills, he hears a totally different story: greed, secrecy, and “our money” that she’s not sharing fast enough.
Here’s the mess, she can’t work because childcare is a financial trap, but her husband still brings home a decent living. He pays bills, sure, yet the spending is constant, tobacco and energy drinks, eating out, pool nights, video games, and whatever else he wants in the moment. Meanwhile she’s scraping together $800 in four months from a side hobby, knowing taxes will take a cut, and trying to chip away at what they owe.
What makes it blow up is that the one time she tried to keep even $100 for a video game “payback,” he treated her like a monster for not handing it over.
Original Post
To clarify I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband doesn't support nor want me to have a job nor do I could even afford to have one because of childcare.
We are drowning in debt from medical bills to big expenses though my husband makes a decent living. My husband is spender.
He gets pretty much what he wants, when he wants. Hundreds for tobacco and energy drinks.
Eating out. Hobbies such as pool (billiards) or video games.
He does work hard and pays the bills. He takes care of our family and works his butt off but he likes expensive and his wants are never ending.
I do not really get anything. I get lunch with my friends one day a week and it was an argument that I got a $22 monthly gym membership.
I started a side hobby to help pay extra debt to start to dig us out. I will have to pay taxes on it at the end of the year.
It is not a huge amount at all. In 4 months I have only made $800 before taxes.
There was an all out war I wouldn't give him $100 of it for a video game though he said he would "pay if back". Notice how I said we are in debt and promises of putting it back are not very likely and its taking me soooo long to make anything sizeable for the debt.
But he made me feel like a terrible wife and person because he said it should be our money. To me it is our money to go towards the debt not just to spend on wants.
To him unless he can spend it or have access to it then I am shady and greedy. I have been crying the last hour and questioning whether I am the a*****e and should give it to him.
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This is similar to the woman who refused her family’s advice to adopt.
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The second she told him she made $800 from her side hobby, the “it should be our money” argument kicked off immediately, like she committed a crime by earning it.</p>
After he blew up over her not giving him $100 for a video game, her tears turned into a real fear that he’d label her shady and greedy no matter what she did.</p>
The debt context matters, because while he’s buying tobacco, energy drinks, and pool, she’s stuck with a $22 monthly gym membership she has to defend like it’s luxury spending.</p>
Now she’s stuck between paying taxes on her side income and swallowing the feeling that promises to “pay it back” are basically meaningless when they’re already underwater.</p>
What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.
He might be happier in a different apartment, because this marriage runs on his wants and her guilt.
Still dealing with family pressure and relationship rules, see the woman who fought her family’s traditional arranged marriage beliefs.
