Deciding Not to Lend Money to a Friend in Need: Am I the Jerk?

A 28-year-old woman refused to lend her college friend a “significant amount” of money, and now she’s stuck in the worst kind of guilt spiral: the kind that comes with history.

She and her 29-year-old friend have been close since college, the kind of friendship where he’s helped her through thick and thin. But this time he’s asking for a loan because of financial troubles, and she remembers the last time she said yes. She lent money before, he struggled to pay it back, and it strained their friendship. To make it even messier, she’s not exactly sitting pretty financially herself, so a big loan could leave her in trouble too.

Now she’s wondering if her “no” makes her the selfish one, or if she’s finally protecting herself.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) and I've known my friend (29M) since college. We've always had a close relationship, and he's been there for me through thick and thin.

Recently, he came to me asking to borrow a significant amount of money due to some financial troubles he's facing.

However, I've lent him money in the past that he struggled to pay back, and it strained our friendship. I'm not in the best financial situation myself, so lending a large sum isn't something I can easily afford.

I'm torn because I want to help him, but I also don't want to jeopardize our friendship or put myself in a tough spot financially. I know he's going through a rough time, but I can't shake the feeling that saying no might be the right decision for me.

Am I being selfish for prioritizing my own financial stability over helping a friend in need? It's a complicated situation, and I'm finding it hard to navigate without feeling guilty.

So AITA?

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That old loan she gave him before, the one that dragged on and strained their friendship, is the first thing she can’t stop thinking about.

This also echoes the debate in AITA for refusing to lend money to a financially irresponsible friend, where mutual friends weighed in.

When he comes back now asking for a “significant amount,” it hits differently because she knows what happens when he can’t repay.

The worst part is she wants to help, but her own finances are shaky enough that saying yes could wreck her too.

So after weighing his rough time against the damage the last repayment situation caused, she’s left wondering if she’s the jerk for prioritizing stability.

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!.

He might be going through it, but her wallet already got burned once.

Before you decide, read what Reddit users said about denying a friend after luxury spending. Should I Lend Money to a Friend Who Splurged on Luxury Items?