Divorced Man Decides Not to Be Actively Involved in Children's Lives, Reaps the Consequences Later On

Parenting is not an easy job. You are constantly juggling too much, and children are the ones who suffer the most from this divided focus.

It's also critical to pay attention to the kids' activities, friendships, and other details. Whether you are a working parent or a stay-at-home parent, developing a unique bond with your child requires effort.

Engaging in active involvement with your child fosters meaningful conversations, creates priceless memories, and strengthens the bond between you and them. Research indicates that the active participation of parents can positively influence their child's overall growth and inspire them to engage in more constructive activities.

Being there for your kids also enables you to learn about their preferences, annoyances, and concerns. The OP's husband happened to lack in this aspect, and we don't know why.

The OP is divorced, but she and her ex have two children who are now adults. One of their issues when they were married was that the OP's ex wasn’t very involved with the kids as they grew into adolescence.

When the kids were younger, he was fantastic, but as they got older, they needed more discipline and structure, and he was not actively present during their typical teenage moods and behaviors. Whenever the kids complained about him to the OP, she would try to defend him.

The OP would also tell him to spend quality time with each child, but he failed to do so. Read the full story below to find out how the OP's ex is now reaping the consequences of his absence.

OP asks

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

When their kids did approach the OP's ex for things, he would often get irritated or seem on edge.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

The Consequences of Emotional Withdrawal

Choosing to disengage from parenting responsibilities often stems from avoidance strategies aimed at reducing immediate stress.

Research by Dr. Peter Glick at the University of California, Berkeley, indicates that such withdrawal can lead to long-term emotional consequences for both the parent and the children.

Children in these situations often experience feelings of rejection and abandonment, which can affect their emotional development.

They say not-so-great things about the OP's ex; however, she doesn’t correct or defend their dad.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

The OP's friend said that by allowing it, she's essentially agreeing with her kids.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

The OP has offered the following explanation for why she thinks she might be the AH:

I feel like I might be the AH because I allow my adult children to speak negatively about their father instead of stopping them like I used to. It may come across as me encouraging them to do so, but I feel I’m just allowing them to express their emotions freely. I have a friend who feels differently, so I thought I would ask the wonderful world of Reddit.

And the comments from other Redditors roll in...

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

The OP has created a good relationship with her kids.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

Studies show that parental involvement is crucial for children's emotional well-being.

According to a report published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, children with actively involved parents demonstrate higher levels of resilience and emotional regulation.

The absence of such support can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships later in life.

Why is the ex complaining to the OP?

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

Growing up where the parents keep bashing each other.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

Reengaging with Children: Practical Steps

For parents who have stepped back, reengaging with their children can be a challenging yet rewarding process.

Dr. John Bowlby’s attachment theory emphasizes the need for consistent and nurturing engagement to foster secure attachments.

Simple actions like regular check-ins or shared activities can help rebuild trust and connection, which are critical for emotional healing.

The OP's ex is only getting his well-deserved karma.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

That is a foolish statement from the OP's friend.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

The OP's ex knew his responsibilities as a parent toward his children, and that has nothing to do with the OP other than the fact that the children are open and honest with her about their feelings. That is the kind of relationship the OP has built with them, so her ex has the responsibility of rectifying his mistakes (if that is still possible).

Redditors made their verdict, and the OP was declared not the AH.

They are adults now and entitled to their own opinions.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

All respect for the OP's behavior.

Reddit/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ffka6/aita_for_no_longer_defending_my_exhusband_to_our/

Psychological Analysis

This situation exemplifies the psychological impact of parental disengagement.

Understanding the emotional ramifications of such choices can guide parents toward more positive involvement strategies moving forward.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research underscores the importance of active parental involvement in promoting children's emotional health.

As studies consistently show, reestablishing connections can lead to significant improvements in family dynamics and individual well-being.