Pregnant Woman Feels Trapped Between Her In-Laws’ Comfort And Her Baby’s Safety

A Redditor, 35F, shared that she is 37 weeks pregnant and preparing for a planned C-section due to complications with her baby. Her husband’s parents, who traveled across the world to help with the newborn, have turned her home life into a source of stress rather than relief.

She expected their stay to be a support, but instead, she finds herself cooking and cleaning for four instead of just two. “It’s exhausting, and I was hoping for help, not extra work,” she wrote.

The main issue isn’t chores—it’s the temperature. Her in-laws cannot stand the cold, and despite the house being heated to 20°C, they constantly complain.

The OP explained that it’s autumn heading into winter where she lives and warned them beforehand. Still, she says they complain about the cold at least five times a day, leaving her stuck between overheating and their complaints.

Pregnancy has her running hot, so she walks around in summer clothes, while the heater is too low for them. “I gave them extra layers, but until yesterday, they refused to wear them,” she added.

Things escalated when her husband returned home one night after they visited relatives. His mother had complained to him about the cold, prompting him to turn on the heater despite her warnings.

She says the house became so hot she “sweated through my clothes and bedclothes,” and it’s not an isolated incident. She feels like she’s constantly making adjustments while her husband prioritizes his parents’ comfort.

Concerns over the baby have also become a point of contention. She requested that outside visitors be limited until the baby’s vaccinations and insisted no one should kiss him on the face due to health risks.

The Redditor's husband argued that as long as anyone sick informs them, it’s fine for visitors to come. He even challenged her advice from midwives to keep the baby’s room at 20°C, comparing it to children in tropical climates who sleep in warmer rooms.

Traditions have added another layer of tension. When his mother casually mentioned performing an old ceremony on the baby’s 28th day, he didn’t object, even though they had previously discussed and rejected it.

He reasoned that it “won’t hurt anybody” and would make her happy, but she worried that failing to set boundaries now could lead to more unsolicited traditions in the future. “It feels like I’m the only one protecting the baby,” she said.

She described feeling unsupported and accused of being irrational. “He says it’s just a discussion, but to me, it feels like he’s not on my team,” she wrote, explaining that she’s left making all the compromises.

Her husband suggests she simply adjust temporarily until his parents acclimate. However, she feels like all the sacrifices fall on her, and it’s creating tension before the baby even arrives.

The OP clarified that her husband has been generally supportive throughout the pregnancy and complications. “His parents are nice people, and I like them. They’ve come halfway across the world, and I can’t just tell them to leave,” she wrote.

Even so, she feels the compromise is one-sided. Every adjustment she tries to make seems to prioritize the in-laws’ comfort rather than balancing the family’s needs.

The Redditor also shared the context of her own support system. Usually, it would have been her mother helping, but she passed away a few years ago. Her sister will arrive in February, leaving her currently without nearby family support.

Despite her frustrations, she acknowledges that her husband is trying to keep the peace. “I understand he wants everyone to get along, but it shouldn’t be at my expense,” she wrote.

She ended her post asking the Reddit community for advice, wondering if she was overreacting or if her concerns were valid. “Am I overreacting here?” she asked, clearly looking for guidance on navigating family dynamics during a highly vulnerable time.

For now, she faces the challenge of balancing her own comfort, the baby’s health, and her in-laws’ expectations. It’s a delicate situation, complicated further by a lack of local family support and the stress of a high-risk pregnancy.

Her story resonates with anyone who’s experienced the pressure of hosting family while also managing major life events. Many commenters empathized, acknowledging how difficult it can be when compromises fall unevenly during sensitive times like late pregnancy.

"It’s exhausting, and I was hoping for help, not extra work."

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user 'BlacksmithLeather726 '.

I (35F) am currently 37 weeks pregnant and due for a planned C section at the end of the week (due to some complications with my baby). My husband’s (35M) parents are here to help with the newborn baby. Since they have come through, all that has happened is that I now have to cook for 4 instead of 2 and clean up after everyone. But these are not the major issues.The issue is that they can’t stand the cold. It’s currently autumn where I am and going into winter. I warned them before they came that it will be cold. The house it’s heated to 20C but that doesn’t seem to be enough for them. And she complains about the cold at least 5 times a day. Now I have been running hot (probably because of the pregnancy) and 20C is borderline too much for me. I’m walking around in my summer clothes.I’ve asked them (and given them) extra layers to put on so they feel warmer, which until yesterday she refused to put on. Last night they visited some relatives (and I didn’t go, as I was feeling too tired) and she took the opportunity to complain to my husband about how cold she’s been feeling. So the moment he came home at night, he turned on the heater. I warned him that it would get too hot at night for me, but he said what else was he supposed to do, and kept the heater on. He turned it off before he slept but, it was so hot for me last night that I sweated through my clothes and bedclothes. And it isn’t just this.When I said that we shouldn’t have outside visitors till the baby gets his vaccinations (because of his complications) and that no one should be allowed to kiss him on the face, he argued with me over it saying that if someone was sick they would let us know and only that person could be excluded. He did the same with me when I said that the midwives insisted that the baby should be sleeping in a room no warmer than 20C. He argued with me that the kids in the tropics sleep in warmer rooms.And when his mom randomly dropped in the middle of a casual conversation that she was going to be carrying out an old tradition for the baby on the 28th day, he didn’t even object and just accepted it. Now we had discussed this particular tradition previously, and he was totally against it then.But when his mom brought it up, he said that if she does it, it won’t hurt anybody and it’ll make her happy, which is true, but I said that if we don’t set any boundaries in the beginning then more and more of these “traditions“ will crop up. What pisses me off about the things like the visitors is that I’m only saying it to protect the baby, and it could actually harm the baby and he still argues with me about it.He says it’s just a discussion but to me it feels like he thinks I’m being irrational and paranoid. I told him that I don’t feel like he’s on my team and I’m being forced to do all the adjusting while he looks after his parents comfort. He says I should just adjust for a while till they can adjust to being here. Am I overreacting here? AITA?Edit 1: My husband has been generally supportive throughout my pregnancy and the complications we’ve had with the baby. His parents are nice people and I generally like them. They’ve travelled halfway across the world to be here and can’t be told to go back just like that. He’s trying to keep the peace but all compromises seem to be falling on me.Edit 2: Usually it would have been my folks who came to help but my mum passed away a couple of years ago, and my sister will be here in February to help out.

Navigating Family Dynamics

Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading couples therapist, emphasizes that welcoming family during significant life events often shifts dynamics. She notes that boundaries are crucial for emotional well-being, especially when expecting a baby.

Johnson suggests discussing expectations openly with in-laws to mitigate feelings of being overwhelmed. This proactive communication can help align support efforts with the mother's needs rather than assuming what help looks like.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

Tanooki07

They should help out or leave.

Beautiful_Plankton97

Parenting expert Dr. Shefali Tsabary highlights that the arrival of a new baby can be both joyous and stressful, especially with well-meaning family members around. She explains that new parents often need space to bond with their newborn without added stressors.

Dr. Tsabary recommends setting clear boundaries and expressing needs directly to family members. This ensures that the support provided is genuinely helpful, allowing parents to focus on their baby's health rather than household responsibilities.

Time to go and stay with your parents.

Medusa_7898

Why are they there?

gigi_kittyfuck

Your husband is the problem.

eyeofthecorgi

Prioritizing Self-Care

Therapists often stress the importance of self-care during pregnancy, particularly when facing added stress from family dynamics. Dr. Jennifer Caudle, a family physician, suggests that new mothers prioritize their health as both a physical and emotional necessity.

Simple practices like scheduling personal time for relaxation can make a significant difference. Dr. Caudle recommends techniques like mindfulness meditation or gentle exercise to help mothers manage stress effectively.

Time for his parents to leave.

hedwigflysagain

Stop doing it!

Ok-Fail5290

Pregnant women are more prone to heatstroke.

Exciting_Gear_7035

Dr. Madeline Levine, child psychologist, points out that maintaining a healthy emotional environment is essential for both the mother and the baby. She emphasizes that the mental health of a new parent directly affects the child's development.

Levine advocates for creating a nurturing space by setting realistic expectations for family involvement. This could involve designating specific times for family engagement that prioritize the mother's needs and well-being.

Hubby needs to grow a spine.

Smooth-Exhibit

Break the thermostat now.

Routine-Abroad-4473

NTA, but they are.

Foundation_Wrong

Open Communication Strategies

Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a pediatrician, underscores the significance of communication in family dynamics. He advises parents to articulate their needs clearly to in-laws, fostering an environment where everyone feels respected and valued.

An effective strategy involves using 'I' statements to express feelings without assigning blame. For instance, saying, 'I feel overwhelmed when I have to manage extra cleaning' can help in-laws understand the situation better and adjust their behavior accordingly.

You need a safe place.

New_Seesaw_2373

Send them home.

SweetiesPetite

Sounds like you need your mom.

Repulsive_State_7399

Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship expert, believes that emotional support during pregnancy is crucial for the well-being of both the mother and her baby. He emphasizes the need for couples to work together to manage external family influences.

Establishing a united front can help parents navigate the complexities of family dynamics. Dr. Hendrix suggests regular check-ins between partners to ensure they remain aligned in their needs and responses to family involvement.

At the end of the day, she’s just trying to protect her baby while navigating a high-risk pregnancy and her in-laws’ comfort demands. It’s a delicate balance, and one thing’s clear: sometimes even the best-intentioned help can be more stressful than supportive.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights the struggle many new parents face when balancing their needs with family expectations. The pregnant woman’s feelings of being overwhelmed stem from her need for safety and control during a vulnerable time, while her in-laws' demands reflect a potential cultural clash and their own discomfort. It's crucial for her to establish boundaries that prioritize her well-being and that of her baby, even if it means standing firm against family pressures.

Clinical Perspective & Next Steps

Managing family dynamics during pregnancy can be challenging, especially when external support turns into added pressure. Experts highlight the importance of communication, self-care, and boundary-setting as vital strategies for new parents. By articulating needs clearly to family members, couples can create a more supportive environment that prioritizes their emotional and physical well-being.

Ultimately, the focus should be on fostering a nurturing atmosphere for both the mother and the newborn, allowing for a smoother transition into parenthood.