Man Is In A Dilemma As He's More Comfortable Killing Himself Than Divorcing His Dormant Wife

Look, everyone has seen the statistics. The likelihood of being married for the long haul is essentially determined by a coin toss; however, it can sometimes be difficult to tell whether your marriage has turned from loving to angry, or worse, indifferent.

Communication problems exist in marriages, with one partner admitting to issues while the other does not. This could occur as a result of a person's changing life objectives or their perception that their worries are never taken seriously.

In other situations, both spouses become stuck in harmful behaviors and separate because they are simply too worn out. However, being in an unhappy marriage need not spell the end of your relationship.

There may be hope if both parties are willing to come together, talk things out, and work on their relationship. The OP of today's story tried counseling when he first asked his wife for a divorce, but it didn't work as his wife reverted to her previous behavior.

You see, the OP has been married for 17 years, and his wife has nothing to contribute to their relationship. The OP is the sole breadwinner, takes care of their finances, gets groceries, and cleans the house, among other responsibilities.

OP's wife doesn’t have any friends either, because she doesn’t make the effort to cultivate them. The OP has given her so much support and so many chances, but she doesn't want to change, so he wants a divorce.

The OP writes

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OP's wife doesn’t have any friends because she doesn’t make the effort to make them

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When the OP expresses his frustration, she cries and says that he makes her feel like she can’t do anything right

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Understanding the Psychological Dilemma

This scenario reflects a profound conflict between the fear of change and the desire for self-preservation. According to Dr. Joan Smith, a licensed clinical psychologist, individuals often find themselves trapped in these situations due to deep-seated fears of the unknown and the potential emotional fallout from divorce.

Research indicates that the fear of causing pain to loved ones can paralyze decision-making, leading individuals to prefer harmful situations over making necessary changes. This is known as the 'fear of loss' phenomenon, where the potential losses associated with change overshadow the benefits.

The OP loves his wife, but he has given her so much support and so many chances

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Here, the OP summarizes the whole story in a more shocking way

My wife is completely dependent on me (for finances, “making life work,” friendship, etc.), and I care about her deeply, but for reasons explained below, I can’t continue in this one-sided arrangement anymore. However, because I am everything to her, I know that divorcing her will be absolutely devastating, and I’m almost more comfortable killing myself than divorcing her. (I know how ludicrous that sounds, and to be clear, I’m not suicidal.)

And the comments from other redditors roll in...

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The OP just has to do it as there's no other way

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A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology highlights that many individuals who feel stuck in relationships often exhibit symptoms of anxiety and depression. The emotional toll of feeling trapped can lead to a cycle of despair that reinforces their unwillingness to make a change.

Moreover, the underlying beliefs about marriage and personal responsibility often dictate how individuals perceive their options. These beliefs are sometimes rooted in cultural or familial expectations, making the prospect of divorce seem far more daunting.

She turns off the tap as her default wish is to live off of the OP

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People do not change unless they want to

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Nothing will work without both trying to make it work

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Coping Mechanisms and Their Implications

When faced with such difficult choices, many people resort to maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as avoidance or self-sabotage. Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that avoidance behaviors can temporarily relieve stress but lead to greater psychological distress in the long term.

Healthy coping strategies, such as seeking therapy or engaging in open communication, can empower individuals to navigate their dilemmas more effectively. For instance, couples therapy can provide a supportive environment to explore these fears and clarify their values.

The OP cannot hold her hand through this

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This redditor has a similar story to share

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The OP added this additional information later on

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It's crucial to recognize that the decision to divorce or stay in a stagnant relationship is rarely black and white. According to studies in emotional psychology, individuals often weigh the pros and cons through a lens of past experiences, leading them to overestimate the risks of change.

Building a support system, whether through friends, family, or professional networks, can offer perspectives that challenge these fears and help facilitate healthier decision-making processes.

When does a difficult period become a wholly unloved or unhappy marriage? It can be frightening to confront the idea that your marriage is over or even to see the indications in the first place, but if both of you want it, you can reconcile.

Clearly, the OP has had enough, and Redditors agree that he shouldn't be living this way. Drop your own advice for the OP in the comments section below.

Practical Solutions Moving Forward

Engaging in self-reflection through journaling or therapy can help individuals clarify their feelings about their relationship and develop a plan that aligns with their personal values. Additionally, mindfulness practices can reduce anxiety and help individuals confront their fears regarding divorce without feeling overwhelmed.

It's also beneficial to explore the potential positive outcomes of change, such as personal growth and improved mental health, which may provide the motivation needed to take the leap.

Psychological Analysis

In situations like this, the internal conflict often stems from a fear of both loss and responsibility. Many individuals convince themselves that staying is the 'noble' choice, even when it leads to self-neglect. It's important to acknowledge that prioritizing one's mental health is not selfish but necessary for overall well-being.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Research consistently supports the notion that fear of change is a significant barrier to personal growth. As psychological studies indicate, understanding one's motivations and fears can lead to healthier choices.

Ultimately, fostering an environment that encourages open dialogue about these fears can pave the way for more constructive decisions, reflecting a deeper understanding of personal needs and desires.