All The Disney Princes On A Straight To Gay Scale
Have you ever wanted to know if your favorite prince would really be into you? Now you can find out if he's at least into, well, you.
Disney fans have a new ranking to argue about, and this one puts the princes under a very different kind of spotlight. Two self-described "very, very gay" men, Sam Stryker and Stephen LaConte, decided to sort the studio's most famous leading men on a straight to gay scale, and the results are exactly as messy as you'd expect.
Their list covers everyone from John Smith to Prince Eric, with each spot meant to reflect a very specific kind of appeal. Some choices will feel obvious, others will probably spark debate, and a few may leave longtime Disney watchers doing a double take.
Scroll through the ranking and see where your favorite prince landed, because this list is not playing it safe.
Here are the lovely men in question who put in all the hard work!
Handsome devils, aren't they?
Disney14. John Smith
On a scale of 1–gay: 0
Why: With a name like John Smith, you know he's just another mediocre straight man (also, problematic!). Also, he's technically not even a prince! Not worth Pocahontas's time.
Disney13. Prince Naveen
On a scale of 1–gay: 0.5
Why: The man is getting kissed by women even when he’s a freaking frog. That's almost TOO straight. And Princess Tiana is nobody's beard.
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12. Prince Ferdinand
On a scale of 1–gay: 1
Why: Listen, those lips are NOT meant for a straight man. But kissing a comatose woman in the hopes of bringing her back to life? Sorry, that's straight AF.
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11. Prince Charming
On a scale of 1–gay: 2
Why: Basically the OG season of The Bachelor. We're sorry, but only a straight guy would think to go on a nationwide search for his one true love with only a glass slipper as clever/romantic. Sad!
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10. Aladdin
On a scale of 1–gay: 3
Why: You might expect Aladdin to be further down this list since he and his nipple-free chest are VERY important to the queer community. But Aladdin himself isn’t really that gay! Aladdin’s the kind of guy who’s straight but LOVES his gay fans — and will frequently talk about that time he made out with a dude in college. Aladdin is the Nick Jonas of Disney princes.
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Relationship talk time, Harrison Ford’s 15-year marriage principle might surprise you.
9. Flynn Rider
On a scale of 1–gay: 4
Why: Okay, Flynn Rider himself really isn’t that gay, but he gets some serious queer points for being named “Flynn Rider.” That’s a gay porn name if we’ve ever heard one. He's the Sean Cody of Disney princes, if you will.
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8. Prince Phillip
On a scale of 1–gay: 4.5
Why: That hat and cape combination? Our prince is PRIDE ready! But he's willing to fight a dragon to save a princess. The only way a gay man would fight a dragon is for bottomless mimosas at brunch or new Carly Rae Jepsen music.
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7. Simba
On a scale of 1–gay: 5
Why: He just can’t wait to be king, but he’s also kind of a queen! Simba’s got a perfectly coiffed mane and a penchant for staring at his own reflection. Also, lions have been known to have gay sex in the wild, so...
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6. Li Shang
On a scale of 1–gay: 6.5
Why: He challenges an entire army of men to climb a gigantic phallic-shaped object to prove their worth, all the while singing the musical number "Be a Man." INTERESTING! Also, those eyebrows are PLUCKED to perfection. Definitely more than a little gay!
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5. The Beast
On a scale of 1–gay: 7
Why: Prince Adam was a ~confirmed bachelor~ who lived in a meticulously decorated, over-the-top castle and was obsessed with his looks. Basically, he's every West Elm-obsessed design gay (you know the one we're talking about). And as the Beast, he helped bring the bear community into the national spotlight. Pretty gay!
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4. Hans and Kristoff
On a scale of 1–gay: 7.5
Why: We already know Elsa is gay, gay, gay. And then there was that gay spa owner in Frozen. Listen, we're not disputing that Hans *OR* Kristoff could end up with Elsa. But they probably BOTH fall somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale. Maybe there's something in the water in Arendelle?
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3. Tarzan
On a scale of 1–gay: 8.5
Why: The muscles. The flowing locks. The loincloth. The dude was practically BUILT to be an Instagram Gay.
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2. Hercules
On a scale of 1–gay: Gay!
Why: Listen, we *ALL* know what went down in Ancient Greece. On top of that, Hercules is basically every #masc4masc muscle queen you find on your Instagram Discover page. Also, "Go the Distance" is definitely about bottoming for the first time.
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1. Prince Eric
On a scale of 1–gay: 1,000,000
Why: Prince Eric is gay, plain and simple. First of all, he was perfectly content to marry a woman who literally never spoke — that’s what we call a beard. And he refused to ~kiss the girl~, even when an entire chorus of sea creatures was begging him to do it. Those well-manicured eyebrows and sculpted chest aren’t fooling anyone, Eric. We love a gay-as-hell prince!!!
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Wait, before you rank Prince Naveen again, spot the secret twins of your favorite stars.
