Introverted Couple Refuses for Distant Cousin to Stay in Their Home to Save Money, Family Reacts

Even though we all need a little alone time from time to time, for some of us, it can make all the difference. When introverts spend more time by themselves than with others, they tend to refuel and gain more energy. 

By definition, introversion is a personality trait characterized by an emphasis on one's own emotions as opposed to outside stimuli. The OP of today's story is an introvert, and she married one as well.

They are both in their early 30s and own a house in a rural area that has only one hotel. Her husband’s brother-in-law’s cousin reached out about his sister’s husband’s cousin.

You can imagine the chain of contacts, and OP's husband has no relation at all to these people, though he has met her a few times at their child's birthday parties. This cousin lives out of state and has asked to stay at the OP's home with her husband when they travel to their town for a wedding.

Mind you, there is a hotel and venue in their town, but this cousin said she wanted to save money and thought of the OP as the perfect host. Of course, OP's husband told her that the arrangement would not be possible.

In plain terms, they want the OP and her husband to spend money hosting them while they save. Does that even make sense? 

The OP writes

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She asked to stay at the OP's home with her husband when they travel to their town

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Understanding Introversion in Relationships

Introverted individuals often require more solitude to recharge, which can sometimes clash with societal expectations for socialization. According to the work of Dr. Susan Cain, author of 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking,' introverts may prefer to engage in smaller, more intimate gatherings rather than larger family functions. This preference can be misinterpreted as closed-off behavior, leading to familial tensions.

When an introverted couple chooses not to host a distant relative, it may be a means of self-preservation rather than an indication of unkindness. Their decision reflects a deeper understanding of their emotional needs and boundaries.

This distant cousin only knows the OP and her husband moved here because SIL probably mentioned it

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Below are a bunch of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors in response to the story

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

1. We told the cousin she couldn’t stay with us (I made the decision) and 2) because she wanted to save money and we do have a guest room with no conflict, and now family feels we’re too uptight because we couldn’t just help her out when we weren’t really going out of our way.

The OP can refuse if she's not comfortable with them there

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We will not be able to accommodate you

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Research in the field of social psychology supports the idea that introversion and extroversion exist on a spectrum. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that introverts often feel drained in high-stimulation environments. Therefore, their choice to limit social interactions can be seen as a legitimate coping strategy rather than an act of exclusion.

They are basically strangers to the OP and her husband

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We tend to resent people asking us questions

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Finding Balance in Family Dynamics

To address family perceptions of being 'closed off,' introverted individuals might consider engaging in open conversations about their needs. As suggested by Dr. Brené Brown, discussing vulnerabilities can foster understanding and compassion within family relationships. For instance, an introverted couple could explain their need for quiet time and how hosting guests can impact their well-being.

Additionally, establishing boundaries around social obligations can help introverts express their needs without feeling guilty. This might involve suggesting alternative ways to connect with family, such as smaller gatherings or virtual catch-ups, which can be less overwhelming.

These people are strangers, so they can't demand such

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The OP says that they do not know them that well

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Redditors made it clear that these people aren’t their friends or cousins. It’s the OP's home, and she is six months pregnant, which isn’t a bad excuse to use for not wanting them there.

Many Redditors went further to add that OP's sister-in-law should mind her own business. The OP was declared not the AH, and you can share this story with your friends and family to get their own opinions as well.

The OP is clearly not fond of entertaining people

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the common struggle introverts face in meeting family expectations while maintaining their own emotional well-being. It's vital for families to foster an environment where all personality types are valued, allowing for open discussions about social needs and boundaries.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Recognizing and respecting personality differences within family dynamics is essential for harmony. As emphasized by research in personality psychology, understanding that each family member may have unique needs can lead to healthier interactions. By encouraging open communication and education about personality types, families can nurture a supportive environment that honors both introverted and extroverted preferences.

Moreover, family education on personality types can promote acceptance and reduce misunderstandings. Workshops or discussions about introversion and extroversion can help families appreciate the diversity of social needs. Resources like Dr. Cain's work can serve as excellent starting points for these conversations, fostering a culture of respect for individual differences.